PARADOXICAL

NEW BLOG!

2011-03-16T20:06:00.002+08:00

I have moved! Click here: http://skies-of-freedom.blogspot.com/ Yes I'm back on the blogging scene again! :) BAZINGA!

Time to let go...

2011-01-04T11:05:00.000+08:00

Hi all. This will be my last post for this blog. As of now, I don't plan to continue blogging my experiences. But it has been great. I would just like to thank everyone I've interacted with so far during my secondary school life. My classmates from 106'07, 204'08, 302'09, 402'10), my batchmates in RGSSB, CATS'10, FAB'10, OSL'09, LOGGERS, my OM'08 team the flOMpadeedoos, VINES'10, PSB'09, SPSB'10, SP'10, the tau family and 105'10 Classics family, 112'09 Classics family, 105'10 and 112'09, my friends in Rwinds, the brass quintet, and last but not least, my friends at Ippudo. :) You have all contributed a lot and made a difference in my life and I really appreciate it. I know I haven't been blogging for a while so here's a special mention to some of the events I haven't been able to blog about.... Sec 4 Netcarn'10, Farewell Assembly, O Levels, FAM'10, my job interview, getting the job, my whole job experience, being alone at home with my sis, ICYL'10, 402'10 class gathering at Ms Lee's house, Coda VI (thanks for coming Diyanah!), my "date" with QH (hahahah :P), my friends coming to visit me at Ippudo, Sax-capade, my family coming to visit me at Ippudo on my last day of work, my last day of work which is also the last day of 2010 and the epic end to 2010. haha :)

Well, it's a new year and a fresh start. I'm much happier and optimistic than I have ever been. I feel prepared for the challenges that will come my way and I believe that I can overcome the obstacles I will face. If there's something I learnt, it is that you shape your own destiny and experiences. How you want something to turn out, you can influence the outcome. Things also happen for a reason.... to make us reflect on what we already know but do not understand, to make us appreciate and treasure what we already have but do not realise and to make us wiser and stronger. I know I'm not perfect and I cannot strive for perfection, but I can definitely strive for excellence (as what our ex-principal told us).

Filiae Melioris Aevi
Daughters of A Better Age

Made of Stronger Stuff

2010-10-15T23:04:00.000+08:00

Am I made of stronger stuff than I actually believe myself to be? I'm not too sure. I totally cried my heart out. Stress. Pressure. Life. I know I shouldn't feel this way but I usually try to stay optismistic and just move on with my life... I think there has been some strange cumulative force acting on me...

Well, people usually don't realise the amount of courage to face each day like it's truly a brand new day. It's not easy and problems from the previous days or even months and years are often carried forward. It takes even more to live through the day... it's a pity people commit suicides. Mostly, it is because they do not receive support and they are shamed (oh man philo...) but I also believe it is because they can no longer find the courage to wake up to a new day with a brand new set of problems and all. It is also a sad thing that only when we realise what we have lost or there's this phase of sadness or pain we go through that we realise what is truly important to us. Now, to the point...

I lost and I have lost it. Math 2 was horrible and may this serve as a reminder of what was and what can be. I failed. I let myself down. I let my family down. (F.A.I.L - Fail And Improve Later) But I want to improve.

Anyways, I had a good talk with my mum and my sis and I really appreciate it. Seems like the root of the problem of my tears was that I'm uncertain of what lies ahead next year, when we go to a new school, a new environment, when we have to meet new friends. And why do I feel so insecure? I feel intimidated. lousy. pessimistic. but I'm better now and I'm thankful for the support of my family which some of my classmates do not experience. I can say "in your face" but I'm not mean, neither am I bitter. I'm thankful and grateful and I hope the same for my friends who do not have what I enjoy (which I unfortunately, sometimes take for granted)

I'm also starting to wonder if my fangirling has anything to do with me shaping my own identity because I was not like this before. And if you realise, my fave people are... hmm, let's just say I have weird tastes. So yeah... I'm not the smart one or the sporty one... so I came up with the I-am-the-fangirl-with-weird-taste thing? Or is it just like me growing up with normal typical teen hormones? LOL ok ok... whatever it is, I still love all my fave people! :) :) :)

So am I truly made of stronger stuff? Can I be as strong as my sister? As resilient as her? I hope so. She has just become my new role model. :)

Taekwondo Blue Belt with Red Tip Grading

2010-10-15T22:32:00.000+08:00

Hey there! I actually had my grading a while back but I haven't written about it because of exams and all. haha so yeah. There were fewer people this time but I guess we'll see each other next time right? haha yup Million bus again! :) Oh and I met Lithium again. Lol that vulgar guy from the RC class. Haha he's hilarious. He hasn't sparred with me before... haha so I hope that when I do, I can kick the daylights out of him. Not that I have something against him but yeah. Muahahahaha so he won't belittle me heh :P Anyway, I feel quite bad 'cos I haven't been practising as hard as I would have wished. There were end of year assessments to settle and tackle... and well, Kitty's trip to heaven. Btw, he was cremated on 9th September 2010 (090910)

haha I thought I actually did my pattern wrongly because I looked at the person on my right from the corner of my eye and I saw that our left/right-hand/feet-part of the pattern was not synchro. But it felt right and well, it was. The guy beside me was asked to repeat. I think he did well 'cos I heard that he only learned his pattern recently then. Yeah and I was afraid I was wrong 'cos during training once, I blanked out halfway through my pattern after looking at Yan Tong do our pattern with us and thinking how good it was to be synchro with each other. LOL Yeah.....

Hmm.. I think Zhiqing's bro did well too. He can get a double promotion. Haha if he does, we'll be in the same belt level O.o haha have to work together liao... but yet so distant. I have no problems being friends with them (bro and Samuel) but they are so like, bonded. heh whatever. Anyways, looking forward to my brown belt! Please let me pass... I wanna train and join sparring tournament! Haha and Instructor Andy is so cute, as in, he got FB! haha :) Yup :) Yup I guess that's all so far. Next grading should be next year Jan or so (lol there's this pattern I realised based on our grading cards about the dates and yeah, I noticed it before Lithium did) but Instructor Andy and Instructor Usha said something about holding me back. We'll see how it goes!

138th Centralised Taekwondo Grading

Blue Belt with Red Tip

Date: 3rd October 2010 (Sunday)
Venue: Jurong East Sports Hall
Time: around 1 plus to 3 plus

It's my life

2010-09-10T20:08:00.004+08:00

This ain't a song for the broken-hearted
No silent prayer for the faith-departed
I ain't gonna be just a face in the crowd
You're gonna hear my voice
When I shout it out loud

[Chorus:]
It's my life
It's now or never
I ain't gonna live forever
I just want to live while I'm alive
(It's my life)

My heart is like an open highway
Like Frankie said
I did it my way
I just wanna live while I'm alive
It's my life

This is for the ones who stood their ground
For Tommy and Gina who never backed down
Tomorrow's getting harder make no mistake
Luck ain't even lucky
Got to make your own breaks

[Chorus:]
It's my life
And it's now or never
I ain't gonna live forever
I just want to live while I'm alive
(It's my life)

My heart is like an open highway
Like Frankie said
I did it my way
I just want to live while I'm alive
'Cause it's my life

Better stand tall when they're calling you out
Don't bend, don't break, baby, don't back down...

Rebellion has never been my thing. I'm a good girl who does things when told or when told not to. I'm thankful that I have grown up in a safe and protected environment and in a good family. But life is never perfect nor easy. What I am talking about has been occurring for many years now. Ok, it's nothing serious but I'm finally taking this chance... I'm ready to let it all out.

I remember growing up and whenever I tried to do something like running down slopes, I was scolded. Of course I would get scolded, I told myself; it was too childish and embarrassing. How old was I then? I'm not sure... probably P3 or so? Anyway, I'm told not to do this or that 'cos it will embarrass the family or just bring trouble. Yup, I'm very seldom trouble. I'm always the quiet one, the passive one, the guai one. There are many times when I would get so angry that I just want to scream out loud, but I never do that. Not like my brothers, not like sister. Or even if I try to do so, I'll be faced with the question, "When did you become like that?" Once bitten, twice shy. I felt guilty for expressing my anger those few incidents and from then on, I just hide in a corner, bottle things up, channel my anger in other ways. I end up crying, and dear oh dear, feeling guilty that I'm feeling this way when there are so many others who are less fortunate than me in the world. Others may try to self-mutilate but well, I grew up in a good environment and I know it's wrong. What I do is, I take out my pen and start writing all over my arms and legs. I write things like "be strong", "perservere", "don't cry", and all the positive things I can think of. Man I'm so weird.... then when I'm feeling better, I just go wash it off. Not a single trace left...

This is seriously something I have never talked about but thought a lot about. I liked being in the toilet/bathroom. It's private and kinda like my personal space. Haha lol. But it's true. :) Ok, so I grew up with high expectations from my family. Yes this, yes that. No this, no that. I do get a lot of support but sometimes not the kind that I'm wishing for. Well, I have a cousin who says I'm her role model (aww....) but I think that when I was at her age, I was already trying to tackle and solve my own problems. It doesn't help when you are the middle child with 2 younger brothers and an older sister. I was kinda left on my own when I was about P5 onwards because that's when my brother entered P1 and well, you know how worried parents get. Come to think of it, I was watching Desert Punk around then and it is hentai meant for males 18 and above. Lol ok but I'm still a guai girl.

Then P6 prelims and PSLE came. Crucial year yeah. I was suddenly the target of blames and complaints. Why are you not studying? Have you done your homework? Why this kind of marks? My students (my mum is a teacher) are working so hard, doing so many assessments and assignments and you? This student came and personally asked me for more help and what are you doing now? Blah blah blah... I was conditioned to think I would do badly and was under a lot of stress... thinking back, it was not a good experience at all. Of course, I did study hard, I did what I could, I stayed back in school just to study more.... but they don't know. I try to explain but I gave up after a while and tolerated things after. After the PSLE paper, I would come home and my mum would ask how it was. I would say it's ok, there were some difficult stuff and suddenly, I'm being compared to my mum's students again.... Why did you say it was tough? My students said it was easy. Most of them got this answer so why is your answer different?

I cried so many times that year when I'm alone but I told myself not to give up. I said I would show with my actions and my results. And guess what? I did show my parents. I got good results and am now in a good school where I have been given so many opportunities. So I have more freedom now but I know it's only because my youngers brothers need more care and concern than my sis and I since we're older. At least I have some self-discipline? If I don't, I might be some rebellious teen now. Haha right I'm not but a little rebellion is fun and relaxing sometimes. Haha I just did. I gave the silent treatment, the cold shoulder. I shouldn't have done it but at least it's better than screaming and shouting. I might say something I don't mean and later regret saying it. At least, being the one who cries in a corner, I think I managed to save myself that bit of trouble. And thinking back, I know that our parents love us and what they do is for our own good. So yeah. I hate being accused of doing something I didn't do so I guess as long as I know I'm not gonig against what I believe in, whether I'm ultimately scolded or blamed by my parents, I'll tolerate it. At least I have a say in this blog. haha :)

Nonetheless, I'm still a happy person. I mentioned once that I forgive and forget easily. Maybe too easily so I get hurt again but whatever. haha I think that sometimes that happiest people can be the saddest people as well because they have gone through so many obstacles and sadness in life, they know how to appreciate what they have before them. Just like couples who stay with each other all the way. It's not because they had a perfect marriage. But they have manged to overcome all the problems together and they emerge with a love that is stronger. So I guess for all that I have gone through, I'll continue to grow stronger. Wish me luck.

Obsession

2010-09-07T23:39:00.000+08:00

Ok, I know you probably think this is like some fangirling thing but it's not exactly that either. As in, I'm not talking about my obsessions but about how I obsess... Ok, it sounds wrong that way too. Hmm... ok obsession is too strong a word but I'm sure you get what I mean :)

Well, this is dedicated to all I have fangirled over... sokkaavatarbentenhansolojacksparrowouyangkeneilpatrickharrisbarneystinsontaekwondosunabouzumizunokanta and probably more I guess. Haha :) So yeah. Man I start wiki-ing and youtubing and just checking the web for stuff related to them... forums, blogs, websites, videos, anything. You name it, I'll can try my best to find it. Haha sounds extreme eh? Haha I wasn't like that. I think that with the Internet, it just made it easier to do all this. I know it's bad if you go overboard but I don't think it's that bad for me. Heh. I mean I do such stuff (yes my sis complains that I search weird stuff on the Internet) but it's interesting too. Like I find a lot fun trivia about actors/actresses and hmm.... history too I suppose? Like there are some shows that are actually based on an actual person, or are actually recreations of past shows that sort of thing. :) What's amazing is when you find out that someone is actually so versatile (Tara Strong, awesome voice actor), or you find that people are related (Emily Osment from Hannah Montana and Haley Joel Osment, the little boy from The Sixth Sense and A.I.)

Haha so i have to be careful when I'm trying to do my secret little "research" on the net. If I get caught, it's like "haha I know you're fangirling again. Omg why that person?" Hurh... it's the obvious sign. Heh though it doesn't apply to all cases. I mean, it can be genuine research or well, I'm just curious you know :) Haha so you see, ultimately, only I will know the truth. Muahahaha. xP

Hmm... since it's related, I won't mind touching on the subject of BGRs. Yeah there was this school-related PDA case on the MRT but I won't touch on it. Haha sorry. Anyway, I think I'm too innocent, contrary to what some may actually think. But really I am. I mean, I believe in fate, destiny and true love and happiness. I know there are some classmates who are skeptical and all. Hmmm... I need to change my perspective? I dunno. I actually think there's nothing wrong thinking this way you know. I mean none of us have ever been in such relationships before so yeah... my question is, 'How do you know?" And well, I do believe in true love and happiness; I believe that when you find the right one, no matter his/her flaws and imperfections, he/she will be perfect to you, in every single way. His/her perfections will be what makes that person perfect and special for you. :) Sounds mushy? Yeah it is... shows how innocent I am in this sense. ^.^

Haha yeah i had this casual talk with my mum today. Well, it was casual, nothing was implied, and well, it was out of the blue. Hehe yeah it's related to what I'm talking about now. LOL Well, i was telling my mum about this shocking thing I found out from my friend about how in her class, more than half the people were in BGRs! Man... and to think when I was like in Sec 1, I didn't know what BGRs stand for. Yeah I was telling my mum this and she was like, "Don't tell me you have?" LOL haha I know some might be offended or see this as like intrusion into their privacy or something (well being teens, such reactions are not surprising) but I'm fine with it actually. haha plus I know my mum was kinda joking about it.

Of course, I told her the truth..... haha yeah I laughed it off 'cos there's no such thing going on in my life. Haha :) and I don't plan to have one until after JC. Haha well, it's a personal promise but now my mum knows.... and you know.... anyway, she said, "Of course it's fine in JC. Just make sure the guy is good and decent." haha LOL some friends would wish their parents would say something like that man. Well, I'm neutral about it 'cos my personal promise stands. Haha I actually don't remember it but JL and NM keep saying, no.... they keep emphasizing what I supposedly said to them when I was in Sec 2. haha I seriously dun remember. heh. anyway, I think that if I like someone, it's better to say it all out, and not to keep guessing. Haha of course, I've never been in such a situation so well, I dunno how I'll actually respond. heh.

Ol, enough about this.... it's getting too personal. heh. Oh man I think there's something wrong with me? I'm liking the wrong person (not in the BGR sense)!!!! Haha I know know... I should probably slap myself or something.... there's seriously something wrong here. I know he's bad and he's done a lot of bad things but I can't help but feel that he has a kind heart too.... Ahhhhhh why why? 郭聪敏?! LOL my first impression of him was that he was a scary person but then it changed when he became poor. He's now funny in his own arrogant way. And yeah. Heh. Haha ok not fangirling but he's like my fave character in the show? So weird right? Anyway, 倪齐民 rocks. haha. Man I found out from my "research" that the scritpwriter wanted 郭聪敏 to die but then viewers voted that he live so he got cancer instead but then recovered (I hope?) and became good-good :) wow nice right? Wouldn't want him to die either. haha

我叫郭聪敏，人人都叫我英俊敏!!
我叫曾宪敏，人人都叫我英俊敏!!

My Cat Who Went To Heaven

2010-09-03T22:46:00.000+08:00

270810.2226.Friday

Exactly one week ago, we visited the vet as my cat was sick. He was really good and really strong within. But in the end, he couldn't make it and he went to heaven. He is Wisely, often affectionately called Kitty or Maomao. He was a stray kitten when we first found him and so we do not truly know what his breed is. But he is, nonetheless, special and unique.

He has short white fur, a bobtail and really beautiful eyes. One eye is blue, and the other is yellow-green. His name was inspired by this main character 卫斯理 (Wisely) from this Chinese show. I can't remember the name of the show but it had something to do with the supernatural or something. Well, it wasn't meant to be official. We were just channel-surfing, we saw the show, then dad came home with the kitten and we named him after the main character. :) Everything also reminded me of this book I once read, called "The Cat Who Went To Heaven" by Elizabeth Coatsworth, so came about this special post that's dedicated to Wisely.

We initially wanted to bring Wisely to the SPCA but we attached to it. Well, we managed to convince our parents :) So I remember Wisely went missing once. I was really really upset and it was a few days before my birthday so I was really not in the mood to do anything. I think it was in 2008 that year. I was still taking Japanese as a 3rd Language so I came home around 7.20pm plus every day from Monday to Friday. I was so worried that I would go downstairs the moment I came home to look for Wisely. Thank goodness he got lost in our condo so we were hoping that he was still somewhere in the condo.

Well, how did it happen? We were trying to make Wisely a semi-stray sort of cat. Our parents weren't for the idea in the first place, plus we have a big family so there's lack of space and money and whatnot. So the compromise was to make Wisely a semi-stray, like the stray cats who have people looking after them and they come back at the same time every time for meals or when they are just bored. That was the compromise we wanted to reach but Wisely, being domesticated from young, did not have the street smarts and he got lost, unable to find his way back to our home. It worked for a few days then poof, he went missing. I was worried he had no shelter, and no food. I prayed and prayed and searched and searched and my prayers were answered. I went around the carpark meowing and that very moment, he answered my call. He was so happy to meet us but scared as well. He was traumatised. But when he entered our home again, he immediately went to his favourite corner to rest and gobbled up the food. That made me realise that there are more important things in life than just gardes and all.

So well, all was fine untillast week. He got sick, didn't want to eat, sleep in a corner all day, was weak, unwilling to respond and didn't poop nor pee. I was worried sick but it was the last week of official lessons in school before the EYAs. (unfortunately, I had alreay taken the second chance God gave me with Wisely after he went missing for granted and forgotten how important relationships actually are) Plus, I could not do anything when I'm in school. Nor when I'm home actually since bringing Wisely to a vet is expensive and nowhere near our home. I don't have that kind of money and I have no form of transport. I felt really helpless for about 2-3 days. I read up about Wisely's symptoms and possible conditions.... the more I read, the more I got scared. The worst thing is, all I could do was to observe him and see if he gets better or worse. Of course, he got worse. Finally, we brought him to the vet on Friday night, after my father came home and could bring Wisely there.

We went out around 9pm plus and reached the vet around 9.30pm. After an examination, we could go in to see Wisely in the vet's consultation room around 9.55pm plus. My heart immediately went out to Wisely. I saw him there on the table top, looking very weak and I think he was slightly sedated. This was what the vet said to us: 1. Wisely was initially already very weak. 2. He had a blocked bladder (common in cats, large killer of cats) 3. He had internal bleeding in the bladder (inflammation?) 4. Explains why he did not pee. 4. Uncomfortable so no appetite and did not want to eat. 5. Unable to pee, he was unable to flush out toxins in the body 6.This strains the kidneys. Have to undergo tests to see if he has kidney failure. Cannot determine directly. 7. Because of toxin build-up in the body, he gets weaker and weaker. 8. It was an emergency. 9. Wisely might not be able to make it.

You know what happened then. We decided to hospitalise Wisely so as to ensure that he could be looked after well and yeah, there were the blood tests and procedures in trying to unblock the bladder. I acutally saw the bloody urine that the vet managed to remove and I felt so sad that I never realised what had been happening to Wisely all the while. And when they remove all that urine, he was not sedated. Too weak to actually respond to the pain. Man oh man T_T

So it was 2226 hours (10.26pm) that we received the call from the vet that Wisely went to heaven. And the thing is, we just arrived home a few minutes before. You know, after being worried for so many days, I felt that a huge boulder has been lifted off my chest when I knew that Wisely was in the good hands of the vet. I trusted that things be fine but that's just me. I'm too soft and trusting and optimistic but this is the real world. I cried so much and cried every night for the next 3 nights. I acted I was fine because I didn't want my family to worry. (Wisely belonged to all of us, but I was the most attached to it, besides my auntie) But when night came, it became harder to put up a strong front, especially when you're in bed alone, with just your wandering thoughts. In the dark, it's so much easier to cry.

But finally, maybe due to exhaustion plus the start of the EYAs, I slept through one whole night from 9pm plus all the way till morning. I didn't cry that night and haven't cried since. Maybe it's a form of enlightenment? Or have I just become numb? I don't know yet but when I do think of Wisely now, I think of the good memories. Sure they are regrets and I feel that I could have done more, I could have changed things and Wisely would still be with us right now but maybe this is the way it has to be. Fate, they say. Well, I'm not sure but I'm definitely considering taking up vet science in the future... for Wisely.

They say things happen for a reason.... I don't think I have found that reason yet but I know I will one day. Meanwhile, Wisely will always stay in our hearts - fondly remembered and unforgotten. I love you.

Brass Quintet!

2010-08-20T23:26:00.000+08:00

Haha fine the last post wasn't the last one before the exams. I suppose this is. Anyway, I just came back from the recital. Was awesome though it wasn't my best. Haha being bouncer is fun. And it's fun interacting with everyone and getting to know them better. Yeah my batch mates came to support and so did my juniors and seniors! I hope it was good.

Ok, so here's thanks to Yujia, Quan Hui, Luke and Jinjun for everything. And my parents, sis and friends for their support. It's been quite an exciting experience. I probably won't forget it... oh and I know I said I probably would not join band in JC but I'm not so sure now. Help?

Haha so I went around introducing people to my sis.... haha to my 'younger' sis. She appears younger 'cos she's shorter. No lah, I was wearing my court shoes. Lol so yeah. Some people fell for it.... so that means they have forgotten that I only have 2 younger brothers, no younger sisters. Haha Rumin believed me at first then I let the cat out of the bag by calling out to my sis "Jie!" Lol stoops me.

Ok, so yeah. Looks like there won't be anymore practices till a long time later. But I'm sure there are more exciting moments coming up, especially with Coda at the end of the year. Man.... I feel quite paiseh about everything because I'm not even a good player. Shuck...s someone save me from my dark and emo side please?

I really want to hear the recording or the videotape to see how we did. Of course, I know the others did well... but I'm not so sure about myself. Like I said, I'm not a good player. Which is actually one of the reasons I don't wanna join band in JC. I'll pull everyone else down! Ok back to the point, I hope I did improve? And I hope what I played just now with the brass quintet people can be an inspiration to CATS'11.

Haha lol know what? My parents now know everyone in the brass quintet. Like they can match the names to the face and vice versa. Haha :D Oh and I look er... pretty in the photo in the programme booklet? Well, I don't think so and yeah it was a special occasion and I had to da ban. Otherwise... yeah. But what is ultimately important is nei zai mei. And I'm gonna work on that. :D

Ok so here ends my brass quintet journey in Rwinds for now. Hope we get the chance to play together again. (sorry everything is incoherent.... random thought: TKD!)

Post #100

2010-08-15T23:29:00.000+08:00

Hey yall! My 100th post! Awesome! :D And all the recent events have been awesome too! I hope I remember them all! Ok, there was National Day celebrations in school and yeah the NDP. Both are great this year! I know the band fanfare was a bit weird but it's a miscommunication/misunderstanding so it's understandable. Oh my last yea celebrating National Day in RGS! Community singing was so cool and the fashion parade was totally wonderful with our beloved model Esther! :D Yeah and the cheering the school cheer "Unite" at the end of everything was the best! :D It hit me that it's gonna be one of the last few times we (the Sec 4s) are gonna do that cheer as part of the RGS community. Lol next year we will be RI girls. Haha sounds weird.... O.o Oh and the NDP was well, like usual but the atmosphere was different somehow. In a good way that is.... and I saw JJ on TV! Haha I was wondering if it was him and yeah, the next brass quintet practice, he said it was indeed him. Cool man. :D Btw, I was watching Zombieland while watching the NDP. Haha lol morbid comedy and gore much?!

Ok, then there was RGSSB Farewell. I was surprisingly not that sad, though I started to feel like we were no longer needed in the sense that the juniors have really grown a lot and they don't need to depend on us anymore. Ok, I'm glad CATS'10 did not cry. Well, I knew they wouldn't and that's good. :D SMILE! Haha and after that, there was like the batch farewell performances. Of all the performances, I actually cried at the Sec 1s' one. I dunno why but this wave nostalgia washed over me and before I knew it, I was crying. >.< The Sec 1s were so innocent and I think it brought back memories in Sec 1 and reminded me of my own personal experience.... and now, I'm suddenly a Sec 4 and gonna leave RGSSB... my journey had ended while there's was just starting. It's kinda like yeah... I can't describe it but I will never forget it. I think Huiru and Yany are awesome! Wonder what they think of us all... haha it's just like me and Kai'en and Yanru and Margaret. Yay I'm glad our seniors remember us! I think maybe because I also the SL so the impact was greater... like all I have tried to do for CATS and now I have leave them and let them grow on their own without me or Kai'en anymore. :D Sorry I know I sound kinda incoherent. Whatever the case, all the different feelings I felt at that time cannot be simply describe in words. I was also kinda sad that my batch bonded without me but I'm glad I'm still welcome in the batch. Thank you for all the experiences no matter how limited they were.

Oh and well, we've been having brass quintet practices... 'cos our recital is coming soon... NEXT FRIDAY 20th AUGUST! Please support people! It's so difficult to get people to buy tickets 'cos it's like exam period coming up, Yujia sold to most band people liao, my friends don't wanna go 'cos they can't appreciate music (my TKD friends), they are not free, or the only performer they would know is me and I guess it's quite paiseh? Oh well, try try try. Oh bonding session today. I guess it was quite like bonding? haha funny experiences. Lol. And thanks to QH for giving me a lift home all the way to my home. Thank you! :D Man why wasn't Luke able to go? So sad..... oh and somehow there's this joke or something about me, Luke and my Embraceable You solo? Get the link? Omg I'm not even facing him when I'm playing that part. I think I'm like facing JJ more but that's only because he's directly opposite me. O.O No offence to Luke but yeah... how can? In fact, I'm thinking of Sunabouzu when I'm playing that part. Ok, not thinking thinking... but I'm just reminded of him so yeah... thinking of the emo and sad episode is quite appropriate. I know I cried when he supposedly died. Which reminds me...., I'm suddenly into Desert Punk again! And Jan is gonna watch it I hope after EYAs? Man, seriously seriously underrated anime. There's no justice in this world man. In my opinion, I think it's much better than Naruto which is sooooooooo slooooooooow. No offence. I guess I just prefer action. :D

Oh yeah yay! I showed my TKD kicks. Haha scared the brass quintet guys. LOL No lah.... my TKD is not even good.... must practice and train more.... Oh and yeah I hope I can watch the TKD YOG but it clashes with brass quintet practice. I guess if I can't go then I have to pass the ticket to one of my TKD friends if possible. :D Maybe ZQ 'cos she lives upstairs? I dunno.... Oh well, I loved the bonding session! It was weird 'cos I felt like the 2 adults were like my parents... and I was the kid (YJ felt the same way too) and haha but it was still fun. Luke not there. Ok this is not a sign of anything. Man, and why do people keep implying such kind of things in front of me? So frustrating. You know sometimes there's nothing but when something is repeated, we might be influenced in a way that's there's something? Lol whatever am I saying? Anyway, I will say it now but only once.... I think guys friends are easier to make and hang out with 'cos they are more easy-going. Of course, I like girl friends too. Haha easier to connect with them. Get what I mean? Yeah ok good :D

Ok, so there's HBL tmr. Hope I don't slack and waste my time like I'm kinda doing now... blogging I mean. But I blog meaningful stuff so yeah it's quite important? Haha my friends said my blog is cheem? Ok, I think it's less cheem now... the more appropriate word is meaningful? Haha you decide bah :D Oh YOG! The first YOG in Singapore! I think the effect on TV are really good! I was telling my father how the fire effects were better than that in The Last Airbender (ok bad joke not meant to offend) and my bro agreed. Haha lol. Oh but JJ said the effects were much much better live.... the TV does not do justice. Like I said, there's no justice in this world man. (ok I'm just saying. I do believe there is justice in the world). Yup and well, the flag bearers kept going the wrong way. I don't think it's anybody's fault, just insufficient practice. And where was Sean Kingston? Noooo..... Ok chill now... haha oh I realise I have been writing a lot. Haha sorry but yeah, this is the 100th post, many things have happened or is happening (RECITAL! PLEASE SUPPORT!) or is gonna happen, and well exams are coming soon so this will be my last post until the end of EYAs. Wish me luck!

And I'm off.... Happy Post #100 day! :D

Substitute

2010-08-04T22:46:00.000+08:00

Warning: Emo post #2. Beware. read at your own risk.

I hate being a substitute. I almost always am. I'm not the first to come to mind for everything. I'm not that artist or designer in class. I'm not that spontaneous one who can come up with lame jokes all the time. I'm not the one who is good in any specific subject. I'm just not the one.

You know how it's like in movies.... sometimes there's that chosen one, the one who has to fulfil his or her destiny. That person is THE ONE. I am just not that person. And it makes me feel lousy. Sigh... like anyone actually bothers.

But guess what? I think I'm good at being a substitute. People only come to me when they want something done. Otherwise, they treat me like nothing. This does not apply to everyone but you will always meet these kind of people in your lives. No kidding. I always feel that if I can talk to someone freely and not feel uncomfortable, then well, we can connect. If not, well yeah. I guess it's something normal. Oh why am I good at it? I know... but I still smile, nod and say "yes".

Argh I should stop this emo-ing 'cos it's not me. And it hurts. I'm like torturing myself when I don't have to. But I hope you understand that I need to get it all out. Sorry. And thanks so much.

Blank

2010-08-04T21:52:00.002+08:00

Warning: Emo post #1. Watch out. read at your own risk.

No one reads my blog. Good.
Some don't know it even exists. Better.
Some don't know I exist. I'm invisible. Perfect.

I just realised what an emo person I can be. The smiles and laughter you see may just be a facade. But on the bright side, maybe I can an author. You know, like write novels about teenagers for teenagers.

10 emo things that came to mind

My life is headed for a blackhole - dark and depressing. Nothing, not even light, can escape a blackhole.
It is a disaster in the making.
I need motivation.
I need sleep.
I want to remember my dreams and forget my nightmares.
I need someone who can and will listen to the little person in me.
That little person is screaming but she's not heard 'cos she has no voice, no say.
I don't get Physics and Maths
I don't get my life.
It's so difficult to understand things when no one understands you.

Ok, my life is not that depressing but you do get emo days and moments. Haha *sarcasm*. Ok, my mind is kinda blank now. I don't know what to think. Or maybe I don't even want to think too much 'cos it hurts. What's this about? Not about any incident or anybody for sure. I suppose I'm angry at myself for harbouring such thoughts when there are so many others who are less fortunate than me.

But life is full of ups and downs. I hope I get over this sorta down period in my life now. From what I see, it can go both ways. I can stay positive and everything can get better, or I continue to emo and everything spirals downwards. I always choose the former but it still hurts, on the inside. Where. It. Is. Not. Seen.

Oh well, a blank is a blank. It's like... Life is _________. (fill in the BLANK) That blank is up to us to fill. But it is a difficult blank to fill, don't you think? And there are no right and wrongs answers. Oh well, Life is the way you want to live it so live it well and always be happy. (BLANK filled. Mission accomplished)

Wish me luck. :D To those who actually read my blog, don't worry, be happy. Haha *not sarcasm* Sorry about this post.

Discipline

2010-07-26T00:35:00.000+08:00

What is discipline? Is it an attitude, a virtue or trait? Ok, I'm trying to sound cheem here but I don't think it's working. Anyway, I think that our band has been scolded a lot for discipline and I think we need to address this issue. Ok, maybe our school expects us to be so much more, to be more mature.... I remember a teacher saying that we should act like adults if we want to be treated and respected like adults. After all, we are young adults which is still basically the same thing.

That means, being situationally aware and I think that truthfully speaking, we all haven't exactly been very situationally aware of our surroundings and all. And the crying thing? Sorry I nkow I'm a PSL but I think that if people cry for no good reason, I don't think I can offer my support. I mean, we have to be practical about who we comfort and all, right? Like yeah.

I can understand why you would act a certain way but I may not approve it. I have been through such experiences... I'm sure a lot of people have been through such experiences.... so why is it that you can get a hold of yourself and be strong? Such actions really show the strength of your character. While I say that there is strength in not being afarid to cry... but those must be of honest tears, not like tears on impulse or tears that are just for show. Be strong. Be disciplined.

Ok, so maybe it's my fault too. I wasn't disciplined. And I haven't been disciplined myself too. Facebook every day? Youtube? Sleeping at 1 or 2am? Not finishing all my work? Procrastinating? Snacking? Even at taekwondo, we have been scolded for lack of proper discipline. I kinda joined taekwondo also for the discipline. Man, I gotta change from tomorrow onwards. Sleep at 11pm.... yes I can do it. And no snacks. And stretching and some training every day. :D Haha support me. It won't be easy... -.- and yeah to people reading this, be strong and be disciplined. Strength in mind... strength in character....

Our Moment of Glory - RGSSB.CATS.Simon

2010-07-25T23:59:00.000+08:00

250710 - Our Moment of Glory (O.M.G :D haha it's really omg!)

RGSSB@Esplanade. Wow that sounds cool :D Like we on this tour. Haha Glee tour! I want the Glee cast to come to Singapore, especially Chris! :D Ok but that's beside the point. So RGSSB got to perform at the Esplanade and it was a really epic, awesome, legendary and meaningful experience. I think I usually like sorta black out during performances and all but I'm glad I didn't this time. In fact, I didn't also for NBC and SIBF (I did for Cadenza though.... ). I dunno but I play better when I'm less stressed so I have had to maintain my like coolness. Yeah... ~

Well, I guess it was really something I didn't expect I would ever have the chance to experience. Definitely not after my directs, whom I think are so pro, left. Back then, our batch was in Sec 2... I became co-SL (what the?!) and I was just so unsure of how the future would be like. I'm not fit to be an SL. Man what was wrong with our seniors then? Well, even if they felt I was ready, I wasn't. I've always had low self-confidence. People don't know it but you see, it's not just any kind of confidence. It's SELF-confidence - the lack of confidence in yourself. Of course I have confidence in others, just not in myself. I feel lousy about myself and I can take comments too seriously. I was just telling someone recently that I felt my playing was lousy.... my tone, my range, my volume, my articulation... just blah. That's good and that's bad. Good 'cos I want to improve and be better. Bad 'cos I feel lousy about myself. Yucks.

Ok, but I'm not here to rant. I'm here to say that RGSSB has come a long way. I never thought that I would be given such an honour and I'm sure many people in Batch 10 and in RGSSB as well. Actually, having exerience in primary school has given me like hmmm....? I can't describe it but I know what to expect, I know what it feels like and I know what band really is about. And there's no doubt about it, band is about both the people and the music. The people whom you share the experience with and the music that binds us all together. I haven't really felt this way until I became SL. I think maybe because I was always apart and away for different reasons. Like I mentioned before, I am a lonely person. Who in band is/has been in PSB, OSL and OM all at once. (ok, I name these 3 'cos they make up quite a big part of my life too, at some point in my life or so... but I still love them all) Speaking of alone, man I went to join TKD alone too.... but now I have so many friends there and I'm so glad to be with them :D haha random little people who think RI and RGS should have prom nite together. LOL

Ok ok I'm not emo-ing or anything. Not here, not now. :D Yeah it has been awesome. (haha without ME it would only be AWESO) Thanks to everyone I know who helped in one way or another! And those who know about the thing between me and the PLAY Movement and Band stuff. Haha I make it sound so yeah.... -.- Anyway, last performance for Batch 10. So glad it's such a good closure. :D Last time playing Perseus and Silvercrest as RGSSB'10 and CATS'10.... last performance with my dear Simon. Man I'll miss you so much. You have been with me like forever in my RGSSB life. :D You been through the ups and downs with me and now we have to part. T_T I remember telling one of my batch mates that you belong to me and me only... so while I wanted you to stay as Simon (like not change name or anything), I didn't want it to stay exactly the same 'cos then you won't be solely mine. Haha LOL right? Talk about being possessive. Hehe XP Well, my solution is..... ask the next person to call you Simon Jr. or something. Simon the Second haha. Talk about extreme. I don't care, it has to be done. Muahahaha, Ok jk jk jk.

Yup so to Simon: Thanks for everything. I know you're just a trumpet in other people's eyes. (moment of truth.... who thought I was talking about a real person? LOL) But you mean so much more to me. You may be my second (my first was in Primary school. Called Hartley. Go find out why. Both Hartley and Simon were inspired by characters :D) Haha btw, Simon used to be Knightley. Oh well, he can be Simon Knightley :D Cool right? Yup, Simon, I took so much pride in you. I polished you and made you shine. I made you valves clean and smmoth again. I brought you home to clean you inside-out and yeah, hope you next owner will be even better. :D Haha you had your moment of glory and I hope you will have another chance to shine like the star I know you are :D

Thanks once again. We have found Heaven in our hearts.... where happiness lies at and Heaven's spotlight was indeed shining on us. And an angel did come down from Heaven and steal my stress away just as I wished (in my previous post). Thank you.

Tears of joy - I'm defying gravity

2010-07-24T00:52:00.000+08:00

230710 - EPIC, AWESOME and LEGENDARY

I can't believe the results of the Singapore International Band Festival (SIBF) 2010! RGSSB got Gold! 93.30% for Division I. Top band! So we're gonna be playing at the Esplanande! Whoo! Congrats to all! Congrats to RI Winds Ensemble for their Gold too! And to Nanyang too! :D

Man I still can't get over it all. I'm still thinking that this probably isn't real. haha too giddy from all the excitement? Lol. It was LEGEND... wait for it... DARY! (Barney Stinson!) Haha I told you... when I'm stressed, I stop being stressed and be awesome instead. True story. :D

Ok, so this has been a super stressful period. (notice the irony?) My close friends would know. Though I don't think they fully understand. Hmmm... anyway, everything led up to today! PLAY Movement official launch and SIBF! How I wish that an angel (or maybe Perseus) would come down from the Heavens now and give me hug and steal my stress away. After all the period of working so hard and giving my all for both events, excluding NBC and exams before this, I just wish that someone can just reach out to me. I can't believe I'm shedding tears now as I'm writing this. Ugh.

Ok so yeah there's too much to say and few words to express it but for the first time in my life, I shed tears of joy. I don't cry easily I think so wow right? Thanks to my section CATS for everything. I'm not the best SL but I hope I have made a meaningful impact. Things would not have been the same without you guys. And to my dear sbm Kai'en, thanks for always being there for me. I love you all. And I love RGSSB! <3 Will never forget that moment between Silvercrest and Perseus when we held hands my dear sbm. And yeah, I love Batch 10 too! I never really felt a part of it until end of last year. Thanks for letting me in. So yeah here's song that came to mind as I was writing this. "Defying Gravity" from "Wicked". Glee version (defy gravity and fly to the Heavens!) Yeah!

The only thing that can make everything better is getting a double promotion for taekwondo haha but that's highly unlikely. Oh well. :D Man and I'm gonna miss Simon so much. I love you. I don't care... you'll always be my love <3

Breather. Phew. Whoo.

2010-07-17T01:04:00.000+08:00

Hey I'm so glad the week is finally over! It's been kinda crazy. 2 exams today, Chem and Geog. Ok not that terrible but I don't wanna do badly either. That's why I've been up since Sunday till around 2am every day just to study and revise. Man, not having tuition is difficult but I guess it helps you be more independent? Hmm... tuition is like a chore to most but it would be a luxury in my case. haha how ironic.

Ok, so the official launch of the RGS PLAY Movement is coming really really soon and the PLAY OT has a lot to do and I'm in charge of publicity. -.- Not that I hate it.... I like it. I think it suits me more than organising stuff but still, it's about creating awareness and hype. Not sure if I have accomplished that. T_T People often don't understand... but what can I expect? I don't show my emotions easily... except my random highness and happiness and all. But when I'm stressed, I think I respond by becoming even more random and blah so how to tell? Unless you know me really well, you would never ever know.

I say I'm stressed and I laugh about it and say it's nothing but it's no laughing matter and it is not nothing. Ok, I guess even I don't know how stressed I am sometimes 'cos I assure myself I can get through it all and survive and I still laugh about it... but for the first time in my life, I nearly suffered a breakdown right before Cadenza XII. I actually cried in school and I felt so lost. Oh man thinking about it makes me sad again.... haha the thing is, I'm not one who cries openly (sorry but I need to write all this. I f you dun wanna read, stop right here). I'm the kind who goes to a quiet corner and sobs. haha lol. XP And nobody knows... Also, I hate myself for this btw, but I take certain comments as personal attacks and that yeah, is just not good. I hate how I pity myself and that makes me feel even more guilty....

Ok, I shall stop ranting. :D Whatever the case, people please support the PLAY Movement. Don't make me feel lonely again. Sad to say, I almost always am. Not lonely as in no friends but lonely in how I am always on my own. Like no tuition? When I need help the most, I dun get it. Being the second and middle child, I get the least attention from my parents as well. Maybe 'cos I seldom give problems, I'm in the shadows which is kinda sad right? I think I too guai liao. Need to make use of the teenage years to experience some rebellion! Hah! jk jk XD

Ok, well, I'm the only one in my batch and in my class in PSB, and the only one in my batch who was in OSL. You know, that sorta thing? So I have no one with whom to share all the worries with.... and that's why I'm not exactly close to my batch and blah. No one is able to understand. But I know that we all have our own problems to deal with. Well, I may act like I dun care but I'm lying. It does matter and for a while in Sec 2, I actually hated coming for band. But I had some enlightenment near the end of Sec 2 and yeah, it doesn't bother me so much anymore 'cos I know people dun mean to exclude others. T_T They just can't help it. Anyway, for 2 days, I had lunch alone. Sad right? But I think I needed it. It was like a break, a little alone time and it helped clear my head. :D

Yeah now I try not to get bothered by it :D But I would to thank someone who has really helped me through this period and made me feel like I was important and that I did matter, and that person is none other than Steph Siow and it is a fact that she's busier than me so I zhen de hen pei fu ta :D Ok ah, support PLAY Movement! :D Thanks! Whoo finally a breather. Yay! And taekwondo on Sun! Let's slack a little for now :D

What a day :D

2010-07-11T18:42:00.000+08:00

Hey yo. Yay we did sparring for TKD today! Just as I wished! <3 man, but I wished I haven't written "The List". It's too public now.... like my blog. Haha I dunno if that's good or bad but aiyah.... haha. The day we have sparring, I actually had to leave early or else I would be late for band stuff later. Sad... can we have sparring again next week?

Man oh man everyone who sparred with me today sustained some kind of injury.... I only bring pain and I feel so bad about it... T_T. Like Tyson (I think?)... and Roy and another guy... I slapped Tyson on the face/neck with my foot when I attempted a back hook!!!! And yeah I dunno. It was like OMG what just happened?! The instructors told the poom belts and black belts to go easy on us, so we can have the chance to kick back and attack but you can see that ahem... I hurt someone. I am so sorry! Ps ps... And yeah, instructor Jeffrey (spelling?) was telling Tyson that he could go easy on me but not that easy too... he said, "This girl can kick back one." O.O

Then, there was this poom belt (sorry I dunno the name)... we barely sparred but when we made contact, I hurt his hand or arm I think? But on the other hand, I was like unaffected? Hmmm.... my bones too hard ah? O.o

Man but I guess I'm generally glad we had sparring! And I sparred with Roy. Awesome man. (the only one who looked like he didn't get hurt?) He's like waiting for you to make your move, then he will come in and attack you when your guard is down. And he attack is fast and furious.... he can throw many kicks at you and still be calm and cool about it all. :D And I don't care what Jerryl says, I still want to spar with him (oops haha hope he doesn't read this -.-). Heh. Like I said, I think my blog is too public now... ssshhh.....

Oh then there was like brass quintet practice but there were only like 3 of us.... hmmm... anyway, I think I totally made my senior angry and frustrated. Man I'm so useless. But I'll try to improve. Watch and see. Sorry but I'm quite sure I'm not gonna continue with band and stuff. But that doesn't mean I don't like music. Just not my calling I guess. Well, you never know what your calling is but if you have the passion for something, you can go far. :D

Hmm I guess one reason why I love taekwondo is also because of the people. Like haha TKD people spamming my blog? I think the less we know about each other, the better. Then the more fun it is trying to know each other better :D Lol what sort of thinking is that? XP But that's how I generally feel. And well, it's cool when you're first impression of someone changes you know. Happy case: Some of those seniors (senior in belt) in TKD are actually cool people though they might have they fierce look or they look unfriendly? haha. (hint hint J and E). Sad case: No matter, I'm still like kinda scared of my senior JJ. Hmm... oh well doesn't matter now.

Haha maybe I should get started on the fb group for Bukit Panjang CC Taekwondo Club that some people asked me to start <3

Under Heaven's Spotlight :D

2010-07-10T15:08:00.000+08:00

100710 is an epic day! :D RGSSB'10 got Gold with Honours for the 3rd National Band Competition! :D Yes finally I feel that I have accomplished something real in band. Well, other stuff are also good but this this is different and special. We have been working so hard for this (people getting sian, tired and sick) and it's all in the midst of exams too. So yup, CCA's on as usual. And well, it's Batch 10's 2nd last time playing together in RGSSB.... our 2nd last time playing Perseus as RGSSB'10.... and our last time playing Silvercrest as RGSSB'10. Wow ok I think you get the idea. Well, CATS'10 came a long way from Arts Fest '09 and the NTU Concert to Cadenza XII and now NBC. :D I'm so proud of all of you guys 'cos you have grown a lot! And I'm sure the section will continue to do well even after Kai'an and I leave. Haha so soon... so sad... T_T Well, I'll try to come back as often as I can... plus it's SYF next year. Hope you guys can get Gold with Honours like today.

Anyway, I guess there were many signs... lol we were looking for like good luck signs everywhere. Kinda random and all but still, haha :D Well, for starters, I got my 1st ride in our new car today on the way to school so well, new car, new beginning.... a positive sign right? Haha :D Ok, I was sacred I couldn't reach my high notes... Well, I missed some but I reached some too so yeah :D Hope I can improve and reach all of them comfortably before SIBF. Man I need help!

Oh and I saw my primary school sbm Diyanah!! <3 I mean, we both knew we would see each other there but yeah, seeing someone in person (not just on fb) is something really special and yeah, I can't believe it felt like old times.... like we reached out our hands to each other. :D Aww so sweet right? Except that we were on 'different sides' now.... like different schools... haha. Yeah well, congrats to TKGS too for a wonderful performance! We heard you guys from outside and were impressed! :D Yeah, so meeting my ex-sbm was so awesome and frankly speaking, it was kinda like proving my worth too. She's always been better than me and she's so awesome too. I know I'm not as good as her but well, I have improved and well, it's kinda like my 'moment of truth' if you know what I mean. Haha ok maybe it's a little bit extreme but you get the idea :D I'm not a good section leader too.... my section is already good on their own so I think that they deserve all the credit. We couldn't have come to where we are now had it not been for my wonderful juniors. :D

Ok, so I guess Heaven's spotlight was truly shining on us. Now, on to SIBF! May we move the judges' and audience's hearts with our music! :D (oh just realised someone read my blog.... and I feel so paiseh now...) Jiayou RGSSB'10 and CATS'10! <3

Taekwondo Blue Belt Grading

2010-07-05T16:37:00.001+08:00

Haha yeah I had another grading. Man I will be happy enough if I can pass. Getting a double would be so awesome and memorable but haha... no high hopes here T_T Aahhh why is my back hook so weak and so totally not balanced??! T_T

Ok, well, I remember I mentioned something about bringing sweets for the little children to eat on the bus but I forgot.... anyway, there weren't a lot of people this time. Going for the grading that is. The last time, there were quite a lot of the poom belts going so yeah. Haha first time we could all sit comfortably on the bus with space to spare! :D Oh and guess what? MILLION BUS! Haha omg that was random.

Well, yeah I don't think I as very prepared for this. I mean, there was the poomsae tournament (so I hope my pattern is alright) but in terms of the basic kick (back hook) and the sparring component, we weren't really prepared. Like I didn't get to practise sparring at all! Haha and as the Single Ladies and other friends would know, I love sparring! Haha Single Ladies. Ok, I admit I'm crazy about it after seeing Kurt (Chris Colfer) dancing the Single Ladies dance in Glee! :D Haha but I mean... we seriously are single so yeah, and it's like this group of around 6 girls. Yeah girls can take up taekwondo and they are awesome at it too! :D

I didn't know I expressed my interest in sparring so like... outwardly. I mean, I knew I was keen on the inside but I never expected myself to be keen on the outside too. Lol I give my feelings away too easily... when I happy of course. I mean, when I emo, nobody knows. Haha but that's not the point. Man, Yan Tong haha I never knew you knew! I know I keep saying it's cool and I go into fangirl mode when I see the seniors and the poom belts spar but still... yeah. Haha no matter what, I still love sparring and I hope that when I reach brown belt, I can go for sparring competitions and WIN!

Yeah so I got to know a lot of people better. Yeah I can't believe Jerryl added me on Facebook? I mean haha he added everyone too but yeah. That was a little sorta random. Yeah. I didn't know he liked magic. Man I gotta see his tricks one day. :D Oh and Edmund is being his own funny self again. Man why he keeps thinking I'm a Sec 3. O.o Lol but hah I found out something.... I found out that he's from my sister's secondary school! And he's in dance.... and my sister was from dance.... hahah this is some awesomely juicy piece of news! Muahahaah! I feel evil! Ok, then on the bus home, I innocently went to ask Vincent for his number 'cos it's good to keep in contact... I mean I already have everyone's (Single Ladies of course!) number... sorta... I also asked Jessie for her number. :D So there's nothing wrong with it right? Man children nowadays are no longer innocent..... a group of them thought we were like bf/gf and said they wanted to spread it. Man I was annoyed. I vowed to have no involvement in such things till after JC. But man I relieved Vincent was gracious about it :D Yay!

Ok, so yeah... what else? Oh yeah LRTs are unreliable. Ok, it's just me.... but when you are in a rush, never take an LRT. Once you miss it, you have to wait at least 5 mins for the next one to come... and since the distance is so near (I take LRT when I'm tired), I might as well walk. It's something you can control yeah? Like the walking speed and all and which route you wanna take. Ok, enough ranting. :D Just a piece of advice: Come out earlier, take note which platform to go to and which service to take. Man I keep taking the wrong service.... and it doesn't help that the LRT station near my house has 3 services....

Ok, well, we actually had our taekwondo deomstration at Bukit Panjang CC last Sunday also (27 June 2010) for the official opening of the newly revamped Bukit Panjang CC. Please read: http://www.asiaone.com/News/AsiaOne+News/Singapore/Story/A1Story20100628-224160.html.

Haha the last part was about my mum! I quote: "Another resident of Bukit Panjang, primary-school teacher Florence Teo, 49, said that she now sends all her four children for various courses at the club regularly. She said: "After my second daughter, who took taekwon-do at the community club, told her siblings about the upgrade in facilities, my other children started to become more interested in its courses."". Yup made the connection yet? So funny. Just one thing: not all 4 children go for the courses. Just me. I guess it was an assumption but it doesn't matter. My siblings are interested in joining courses. Haha my sis wants wushu. Whoa! :D

Oh another article here with a picture of the poom belts: http://www.straitstimes.com/BreakingNews/Singapore/Story/STIStory_546596.html. It's a keeper!

Ok, so yeah a lot of things have been happening. So sorry my post is so incoherent. Ok, what else.... oh yeah I had extra practice the day the grading on Sat (3 July). Yeah that was cool man oh and instructor Andy said after the grading that he wanted to treat us to pizza but man... so paiseh how to accept. Hehe we kinda just disappeared after that... Sorry.... oh oh oh! I mustn't forget this! During the grading, we saw like the brown belts, the poom belts and all saprring and I was talking to Yan Tong about sparring. (That's when she made the comment about me being the only one who's enthu about sparring.) Oh but that's not the point I'm making here. The point is... I came up with a list of people I wanna spar if I ever get the chance to! (not in any particular order)

1. Jerryl - fierce and agile. Haha when you're fierce, it makes me fiercer!
2. Bryce (spelling?) - Cool and calm. Passive but I believe he can be scary when he unleashes his fury
3. Roy - A must. If not, this list is not complete. He's damn scary and fierce but I like challenges.
4. Rex - Roy's brother. Of course he's in. Same reasons
5. Edmund - Cool and calm as well but yeah... it's also personal. How can I be a Sec 3???!!!
6. The instructors of course.... the ultimate test!

Ok, so this list will change but yeah.... and when I do get to spar with them after this post, I'll tell you all about it :D Yup, so I know this is a super long post but this will probably be my last until after the exams and NBC and SIBF. So I can't miss anything out! Ok, yeah so I guess that's it! I can't wait for the next training. Maybe we'll get to do some awesome one-on-one sparring! I hope I pass. I dream in my wildest dreams I get a double promotion. No matter what, I wll forever love taekwondo. :D Today, 5 July 2010 (Mon, Youth Day) is also the 1st year anniversary of my first taekwondo grading (saw it on my grading card).... My white belt grading. Wow.... what a year it has been :D

Taekwondo Grading
Blue Belt

Date: 4th July 2010 (Sunday)
Venue: Yishun Sports Hall
Time: 1pm to about 3.25pm

Daddy's Girl

2010-06-21T16:07:00.000+08:00

Hey Father's Day is just over and yeah, we didn't much this year but I hope my father liked his new soft laptop case and haha a packet of cuttlefish peanuts to snack on when the World Cup is on! :D Hhaa yeah so I just wanna write this short post about my father.

I really enjoy the moments with my father 'cos he's so funny with his jokes and warped ideas and blah. And although he does not really show it, he has always supported us in what we do (just like my mum :D). I mean, he lets us do what we want to and only comes in when he thinks that it's not safe and yeah. My father doesn't show his emotions easily but you can tell that he really cares about you and frankly, up to today, I'm still Daddy's little girl. He doesn't mind us hanging out with friends but gets concerned when majority are like guys. And yeah he'll be like you better be careful. :D Aww...

Like most fathers I guess, my father is the less strict parent. :D I mean we joke with him, watch comedy with him, try to rebut his ideas about the supernatural and aliens and blah. Oops dad's back. Anyway, I once read that father-daughter relationship is important 'cos it helps you decide how your future husband will be like... like either like or unlie your dad that sort of thing. There's some level of influence. Hoho haven't thought about all that yet but surely, my father is the best father I can have despite whatever imperfections. :D Haha he makes the best soup ever! :D

Camp out!

2010-06-18T23:33:00.001+08:00

Band camp was awesome and I think that most of the credit should go to the Band Camp comm, esp. the ICs :D Wow a lot of last-min stuff and changes and blah.But well, I still enjoyed myself. Oh and I had a lot of yuan fen with Celine. Kept ending up with her... writing buddy, The Flintstones groupmate and yeah we held hands for the night programme. Wow O.o Oh and I found my newest soulmate. :D 3 kisses to each other... omg the first time I attempted to kiss a girl and she didn't like draw back... she gave me one back too! Haha lol :D

Yeah and I slept really well. Like I know my body was aching from sleeping on the floor but it didn't bother me like it bothered others. Hehe I think it's 'cos I went for family chalet and I slept at 2am plus and woke at 6.30am.... and those who know what I do know I sleep past 1am every day and wake up around 7-8am every morning this holidays... urgh >.< ok lah, it's my fault for sleeping so late but lol why is it that we have only 24 hours in a day? Why can't we have like 243 Earth days in a day like Venus does?? (http://www.enchantedlearning.com/subjects/astronomy/planets/) And like one year (224.7 Earth days) on Venus is shorter than one day! Lol imagine graduating in one year! That's like so cool man. Lol what am I writing? O.o

Oh yeah I'm sad I couldn't join my family for family chalet. I mean we have so many people in the family (6 plus popo and auntie) and it's really really really difficult to get everyone together. In fact, my father still has to work and jhe could only join us after like 7pm. Sad-ed. T_T then I totally have to miss special family bonding time... chalet at Sentosa some more. But Band Camp was awesome. Just wished there was a way I could go for both.

Hmm... oh yeah the epic thing that happened at Sentosa. I was at the top bunk of the double-decker bed and I was playing Smap with my sis... I was constantly winning (yeah!)... and then I was so happy I punched the air... but I forgot where I was.... and punched the ceiling.... owww... I have the evidence lol. But the funniest thing is that I didn't know I was actually bleeding. Hmmm not my first time either... I should take better care of my body and not let myself get hurt without my knowing.... aiyah but whatever... ooh when I finally noticed I was bleeding... due to this slight bugging pain.... it didn't even hit me that I got it from punching the ceiling. Lol my bro actually had to link everything for me... O.o That really proves how I dun really take care of my body.... argh WHY?! But on the other hand, I can finally say that I have power in my punch... such that I actually bled after punching the wall... or ceiling in this case. Wow yeah man I think that's like so cool! And I have a battle scar to show! Awesome! Haha. Oh but the hols are almost over and I haven't done anything useful at all... I will start-start tmr... so no Facebook whatsoever.... and I will survive :D

Hmmm oh and I'm thinking I should do something like post songs/videos to expresses my feelings 'cos some songs really bring your message across :D Yeah! :D Maybe some time soon? Yeah maybe some time soon. :P

Appearances

2010-06-15T22:17:00.000+08:00

Appearances are hard to keep up. Well, but even so, it is a fact that we always wear different masks for different situations and circumstances. I mean, me too. Then I can't help but ask, "Who's the true me if there's so many of me?"

I guess only I have the answer to that but it's not gonna be easy to find it. But I feel most at ease when I have earplugs on and I'm on the bus, MRT or LRT and listening to music.... or when I'm with my little friends at the childcare centre. Hmm...? But I'm still not sure...

Anyway, I know that there has been circulation of "you like my status, I'll write something I like about you" and" what you like about me" stuff. At first, I thought it would be fun to post all those and see what people think of me. But then, I realised that people don't need to do that to show their appreciation to their friends and all... and because of the different masks that we wear, people perceive us differently... and I guess I shouldn't even care about what people think about me as long as I'm happy with myself. In fact, I'm afraid that I may start to become what others perceive of me... and not be the true me... ok this is deep but yeah.

My true self is not that optimistic, not that obliging, not that random, not at all lesbian, not that enthu. I can't say what I am... but I can tell what I am not. oh wow what is this? This is so like sudden. hmmm... and I'm trying my best not to type 'haha' or 'lol' or put a smiley face when I don't really mean it. :) (I mean this smiley here!)

Most people don't really know me... If there's anybody I can truly share my feelings with and who knows me more than anybody else (excluding parents and any other adults), it's none other than my sister. So here's a tribute to my Jie for helping me to keep true to myself and not keep up appearances. Thank you :D I really needed to blog all this.... been bugging me for weeks liao... :D

Stepping stone to success

2010-06-11T23:03:00.009+08:00

Been ages since I posted some inspirational stuff so here's one that I found on a poster somewhere at home. Enjoy! (oh I think there should be something about truth and love too. What do you think? Well, everyone has the right to be loved and that's the truth. haha Youxi too!)

Don't quit.
Every obstacle is a stepping stone to success.

Life's greatest enemy is oneself

Life's greatest failure is arrogance

Life's greatest ignorance is dupe

Life's greatest sorrow is jealousy

Life's greatest erroneous is self-abandonment

Life's greatest sin is to deceive oneself

Life's greatest pitiable disposition is self-abased

Life's greatest admiration is choice of advancement

Life's greatest insolvent is despair

Life's greatest wealth is healthiness

Life's greatest liabilities is a debt of human sympathy

Life's geatest gift is forgiveness

Life's greatest imperfection is melancholy wisdom

Life's greatest gratification is alms

Life is so fragile and filled with numerous emotions and experiences.

#10 Carpe Diem!

2010-06-11T22:39:00.003+08:00

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Carpe diem is a phrase from a Latin poem by Horace. It is popularly translated as "seize the day". Source: Wikipedia

My last day at the childcare centre and it has been a really fruitful and meaningful experience. :D I will really miss the children and so sad Xavier Toh, Yi Xu and Darren (yeah I forgot about him) didn't come. Addison also didn't come and that is really sad you know. I know he's one of the 3 Musketeers aka Y.A.M but still, all children are innocent and deserved to be loved. If they do not judge us, who are we to judge them? Yeah the childcare centre I have been going to is Carpe Diem Educare at Bukit Panjang which is where I live at. Haha so near right? So I guess I can just drop by anytime and visit the children. :D

Yeah I was really touched when the principal presented my sis and I with a token of appreciation (toblerone + merci chocolates). I mean I went there for work attachment while my sis went there for CIP so yeah, we weren't expecting anything else than what we have already gained from the whole experience - new friends, sweet memories and a whole lot of joy and laughter. :D Well, all my sis and I had for the children were gummy sweets but I hope that they still like them. And I hope they won't forget their Jiejie here :D

Keia was so cute and when it was 5 plus after reading stories to her, she asked, "Go home?" Ok, I wasn't sure if I understood what she really meant so I asked, "Who? Keia or Jiejie?" and she said, "Jiejie." I guess it was sad that I said I had to leave 'cos she she said, "No, I don't want. I want Jiejie stay..." so I stayed but only for a while more. Then when I said goodbye to the rest, Keia was staying close to Zhang laoshi and holding her tightly. Wow did I affect her so much?

Oh and even before my sis and I entered the centre, from the moment the children could see us in the distance, they were already shouting, "Jeijie!! Jiejie come already!" They have always been expecting us ever since we started going there regularly. So wow :D Oh and yeah Marcus is forever asking his favourite question"why?" Haha :D

Me: Do you know this is Jeijie's last day here?
Marcus: Huh?
Me: Jiejie is not coming back next time...
Marcus: Why?
Me: .... 'cos... Jiejie has to go to school.
Marcus: Why?
Me: Huh? You too what. You go to school too right?
Marcus: Why?
Me: .... (fine I give up. lol infinite regression)

Haha yeah and when I played with the N1s at the Inddor Gym, I got seriously 'taupoked' by like hmmm.... 10 children or so? Haha but it's harmless fun I guess. In fact, when I was lying down, one came to sit on my tummy (En Qi I think), then another joined in (Not sure who)... the 3rd who came (Keia I think) was already sitting on my chest O.o and yeah the 4th one who joined whom I clearly remember is Xavier Tan.... haha lol his *ahem* was practically in my face but oh well, children are innocent. Oh then the rest just came from all over and started crushing me haha :D Lol I think I will drop by and visit after band next Tuesday :D and give them more sweets 'cos I have extra :D Yeah carpe diem man! Always Seize The Day! :D

#9 Let's just talk

2010-06-10T23:42:00.000+08:00

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haha yeah today I did quite a lot of kinda heart-to-heart talk. First with the Sec 3s regarding SL stuff and then with the teachers at the childcare centre about the children. Aww... last day tmr. I'm gonna miss them a lot! I hope they won't forget their beloved Jiejie! :D

Yeah, I came in later 'cos of band but I managed to drop in today (unlike Tue) :D So I'm quite happy. Omg when I just entered the classroom, the little girls came to hug me! :D Like Chrystal (yup I have been spelling it wrong) and Keia! :D Yeah and my sis took the toddler class again. She was talking about Issac, Xavier Ang and Ee Kang and how they cute they were. Haha she has a lot of tales to tell! Well, me too. Haha lol Marcus called me "jiejie" but called my jie "auntie". Haha I love you too Marcus!

Yeah so Zhang laoshi and I were talking about the children and their different characters. Like Xavier Tan is so cute and he's such a pretty boy you know... with fair skin and big cute eyes. Zhang laoshi said that his parents are not exactly exceptionally good-looking but Xavier is 'cos he good the good genes from them - big eyes from his mother and fair skin from his father. And yeah he's got a glib tongue so whatever comes out of his mouth sounds so cute. haha :D Oh and Caitlin is english-speaking so her she didn't know a lot of Chinese when she first joined the centre but at least now, she knows some Chinese words like zhang laoshi, xiaobian and dabian (dun mind the crude stuff) yeah. And Jia Ying is one with a fiery temper! Haha she should join Taekwondo!!! :D Haha Zhang laoshi said that she's the strongest in N1. Haha :D Oh and Yi Lin (one of the 3 Musketeers aka Y.A.M if you have read my previous posts) is considered the strongest one is N2. Yeah Zhang laoshi said that before I came, for reasons unknown, those 2 were having some sort of fight/face-off. Haha wow... test of strength. Haha

Yeah since I came late, I didn't do much but yeah, I talked with the teachers and had fun and more understanding of the children. Well, I hope tomorrow will be great day... ok, I know it will be. I love you all my little friends! May God bless you. (I haven't been seeing Xavier Toh and Yi Xu... I hope they come tomorrow :D)

#7 Testing my patience

2010-06-09T19:33:00.000+08:00

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Hey my 7th day! Haha yesterday I took leave for band. Haha and I'm trying to consciously improve my playing... dunno how it's going. Sigh ~ Oh anyway, today, my sis joined me for my work but she's there for CIP lah. :D Yay I was so happy when I got to introduce my little friends to my jie and since I work mainly with the N1s and the N2s, while my sis has so far worked with the toddlers, I got to know some new friends through my sis too. Like there's Zheng Qing, Issac, Xavier Ang (wow another Xavier.... that makes it 3!), Ee Kang. Ok, I already met some of them but I guess it's 'cos of my sis I got to know them better :D

Ok, so today we had macaroni for lunch haha :D Food makes me happy :D Oh Julius wasn't feeling well so he vomited. Well, he's the second case 'cos a little girl from the toddler class also puked. Oh well, after a while working at the childcare centre, such stuff are considered common. I mean, kids sneeze here and there. Some have runny noses, some drool, some pee in their sleep. Well, but they are cute nonetheless.

When I wrote "testing my patience", I didn't mean it in a pissed or frustrated way. I mean it in a general sense. After my interaction with the young children., people would say that we would have more patience... but I don't think it works that way. I mean when handling younger children, maybe there's more patience, but I think there's less patience when it comes to people like my friends in school. In a way, it's maybe I expect more from them since they are older.... and in a sense, sometimes the children seem to be much more sensible than some of the older friends I know so yeah. Go figure. I totally showed Jamie my ultimate black face yesterday during band. I mean, I didn't mean to but I felt that the way I was expressing my anger was like different... and I could feel the rest of the section looking at me like I was... yeah. Omg... I dunno but thankfully, Jamie didn't take it too personally. Yeah, that's quite a major change in my patience? I dunno.... I have to see first...

Oh yeah, since it's my 2nd last day (another leave tmr for band T_T), I was totally camwhoring! Haha and I'll upload the pictures on Facebook as soon as I can! :D And there's this video of them during play time! haha the kids are so cute! And I guess now, people can put a name to the faces of my little friends when I mention them :D Oh haha :D Hmmm.... Le Ren and Jia Ying both weren't in a good mood today. Both cried easily but while Le ren was more like sad... Jia Ying was more angry. Yeah. Haha and handling them was yeah. Haha I just describe it in words. Oh yeah, the N1 teacher, Zhang laoshi said that when I didn't go and help out yesterday, she went home really tired and she just plopped down and slept. haha I think she meant it figuratively but generally, it was more tiring on her own. Well, good to know that I have been of some use! :D Oh well, band again tmr... and I'm loving every moment of it. Imagine the remaining days I have with Simon. O.O Hmm well, hope my patience won't be tested the same way it was yesterday. I wouldn't want such a thing to be repeated again.

#6 Baby Talk: Why?

2010-06-07T23:22:00.001+08:00

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Haha 6th day of work and if I've been learning any new languages, it's the baby language. Ok, not that it's babyish talk or anything. It's just that some of them have yet to learn to verbalize their thoughts so they express it through other means. Some use actions/gestures (according to the principal, one actually bites when he is upset O.o) like Shi Jie who walks around to other places or just ignores you when he's not interested in something or you T_T while some use any kind of sounds they can produce. Kai Shin is one who expresses her thoughts through sounds. Like she will tug at your shirt, go "ah ahh aaah ah..." or something to that extent. Sometimes she will point to something as well.

Well, if they got hit by someone else, they'll go to you crying (or about to cry), tug at your shirt or wrap their arms around you, point to something/someone or point to their head and blah. Instantly, I'm sure you can guess that they hit or got hit on the head right? The if they point to someone, it means that person is the culprit. But of course we can't go round accusing people. If not, the other person will cry if he/she is wrongfully scolded. Yeah sometimes it's accidental so we have to find out by questioning both of them. Haha to appease both, I usually make both of them apologise to each other (person 1 for accidentally hitting and person 2 for not letting the incident go even though it was an accident) and then make then hug each other or get the unhurt one to 'sayang' the hurt one. They will do so willingly, as if they like being hugged. So sweet :D

Haha then you have to read whether ones wants to go to the toilet or something. Universal indicator (lol chem... heh): Clutching their private parts for fear of being unable to keep it in?? Or maybe it's just their way of expressing?? Yeah I think you get the picture. Sorry for sounding crude. Haha :D Oh nap time was quite interesting. Kenderick was so sleepy he was sleeping on the floor during TV time right before the nap time. I found him on the floor in a quiet corner and yeah, let him sleep on my lap. Poor thing... but he was a good boy, he didn't wake up and cry or anything even when the teacher carried him to his mattress. I mean, some children do right? Yeah he slept so soundly all the way through :D Good boy! Oh and his mattress was next to Chloe's and both of them slept so soundly, that both didn't realize at all that for quite a long time, Chloe was hugging Kenderick in their sleep (like a bolster). Haha but one girl and one boy... it was so sweet! :D The teachers and I couldn't help but laugh. :D SO CUTE RIGHT? Haha when I asked them when they woke up, they didn't know at all and they felt so shy... awww...

Oh and I guess that the favourite word of children, given their inquisitive nature, must be "why". Haha I know it's Marcus'. He asked why I didn't take his class today (I took the N1s), why I had my protection band around my wrist (for protection I said), why I needed protection (hmm... good question), why I was going home (my mother would be worried if I wasn't home soon), why my mother would be worried.... but I didn't manage to answer the last one 'cos he was shooed away by his teacher. Wow. Then Keia (who is Kyla's younger sis) also wanted me to stay longer... but I already stayed for half an hour more so I had to leave soon... then guess what she asked? Why, of course. Lol :D

Oh and my older sis, having always been interested in children, signed for CIP. She'll be starting on Wed so we'll be doing things together! :D Well, mine is work attachment but I asked and I could get CIP hours so that's awesome I guess :D Oh I handed in the work that I was supposed to do (the theme thing) and the principal seemed impressed :D Well, I put in effort and it's colourful :) So I really hope the children will like it when it's displayed :)

Ok, so my day has been like any other. Lunch is rice with veg and chicken which is common so yeah. Normal day with the normal routine of understanding what I now call Baby Talk and answering the "why"s. :)

#5 Friendly neighbourhood crocodile

2010-06-04T19:30:00.000+08:00

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Haha I'm back... from my 5th day at the childcare centre! haha this is officially becoming my first daily blogging experience for a specific thing. like I wanted to do one for OSL'09 and Sec 1 Orientation '10 but yeah it failed and while I did write reflections or reflect, I was too lazy to blog.... or it was just too personal. Haha :D

Anyway, omg let's talk about food first.... Lunch: Chicken rice. Teabreak: Cake + Birthday cake. Haha today I joined the N2s again 'cos the same teacher was on medical leave. As such, they combined classes so they needed their friendly neighbourhood crocodile (aka me... which I will explain later) to the rescue. Oh yup, I'm sure you can tell that someone had a birthday party right? It was Xavier Tan from the N1 class. Oh and even though I wasn't taking them, wow I had a share of the cake too (on top of the N2s cake snack!) So sweet (like, literally hehe :P) oh but I'm gettting fat... haha time for some intensive taekwondo training! :D Oh Happy Birthday to Xavier btw!

Hmm... play time was as usual but woah... I've got a whole group of people who like me now besides Marcus. hahaha and all boys too... -_-" The girls are more reserved but yeah, they cuddle up to you... that's how they show it. Lol and they were playing AEIOU (I don't need to explain how it's played right?) and yeah, for some reason, more people kept getting out... I think 'cos they wanted to sit next to me, who's supervising all those who got out, which is usually just 1 or 2 children. Today, up to 4.... Marcus, Y Lin (why all the naughty ones?!), Kimberly, Yi Xu (haha the good and sensible one) :D Yeah I'm not sure... but I just got that feeling that they purposely tried to make themselves got out of the game, no?

Haha oh and attendance-taking was quite funny. 'Cos there were people like Marcus who were taking forever to finish drinking half of their water so they kept being scolded. So Mdm Koh was like calling names one-by-one (children respond by raising their hands and shouting "present!") and she suddenly called someone to scold that person, and that person said "present!" in a super enthu voice, unaware that he was getting scolded. Sorry I forgot who... XP Oh then of course, there's the overly-enthu ones who want to "help" others say "present" even though it's not them. A teacher's normal response would be something like, "Are you so-and-so? Did I call you? Why are helping him/her say even though I'm not calling you?" or something to that extent. Haha what happened was that the actual person was in front and the overly-enthu one was right behind... so when Mdm Koh asked those rhetorical questions, the overly-enthu one was shaking his head while the actual person, who was innocent of course, was nodding, unaware that Mdm koh wasn't talking to him. haha and I saw all that from the side. Oh well, so cute right? I know it's easier to see the whole scene than have it written but nevermind. As long as it's understandable to a certain extent? :D

Haha and I remember my senior once told me that rawr means "I love you" in Dino language. haha lol and come to think of it, a lot of children actually came up to me today.... and shouting "rawr". They just do it for fun I think... haha I wonder if that's where this saying (?) originated from...? :D Haha yeah so that's pretty much my day. Plus another story-reading session (The Gingerbread Man) again and Marcus repeating how much he likes me and taking any opportunity he could to sit on my lap (too bad I always reject him 'cos he's naughty. hehe) but oh... I have Yi Xu this time too, who says the same thing... and while he doesn't wanna sit on my lap, he wants to be near. Oh I guess I can accept that. Besides, he's a good boy too :D Wow, favouritism? No lah... Yi Xu's got a girlfriend... or so I think... but whatever. Hahahaha :D

Oh haha I think Yu Xuan likes Yi Xu 'cos when they were sitting beside each other, she was volunteering to share the lego parts with Yi Xu when he came to me requesting for a certain part that he didn't have (I have the whole box under my care, while each child had a handful of lego parts). Hahah so sweet right? That's the first time I saw Yu Xuan taking the initiative and all, otherwise, she's rather sweet and reserved. :D Hmmm.... so I asked her if Yi Xu was her boyfriend and she just smiled shyly at me, giggled and went away. Silence means consent? LOL. Haha then Jenelle heard me asking her and she laughed too. I asked her if she understood and she nodded. OMG! So young and they have ahem... these kind of stuff. Aiyah but they are just children so they love/like anybody nice they meet (me included apparently :D) I cornered Yu Xuan again and asked about the other boys but she had the same reaction... only difference was that she said "no". haha I asked once again about Yi Xu, and well, no difference in her reaction as with the questions about the other boys so I guess, like Jenelle, she understands what I'm asking and just felt shy. hahah :D Oh I tried the other side, like asking Yi Xu, "Yi Xu, you have a girlfriends is it?" and he seemed so blur. Hahahahaha looks like girls mature so much faster! :D LOL why am I writing this? Btw, in kindergarten, I remember liking this boy called Shawn but oh well... I can't remember why liao... so weird and innocent right?

Oh and in the later part of the day, the children from Daffodil (2 N2 classes combined together rmb?) had indoor gym period while Sunflower had reading time so while Mdm Koh took Sunflower (which if you remember, is the class with more of the naughty ones) while I took Daffodil :D Haha so we were playing and all and I became the crocodile who began chasing them around... haha but I'm friendly... and I go to their rescue when they get hurt and all..... and I live in the same neighbourhood as them.... plus I'm wearing green today... so I'm their friendly neighbourhood crocodile! :D Oh Jenelle got hurt by Valerie meimei and she cried... well guess what? Valerie meimei started crying too even though she didn't get hurt. I think she was scared and worried that she had accidentally hurt someone and made that someone cry so yeah... I had to carry her and reassure her. I also asked Jenelle if she's angry with Valerie meimei but she shook her head so I guess she's just crying 'cos of the pain... if it's any of those from Y.A.M (Yi Lin, Aik Hong, Marcus aka The 3 Musketeers as one of the teachers calls them hehe ), I suppose things would be different. Oh well.

Omg, I keep forgetting to bring a camera! Ah I must take pictures and videos of them! So cute. Haha well, it's back to work on Mon so yeah :D Ok then :D Hope I rmb to bring on Mon! Oh and I should get something for Xavier Tan? For his birthday today? haha :DYeah, whatever the case, I'll forever remain their friendly neighbourhood crocodile! :D RAWR!

#4 Neverland

2010-06-03T18:38:00.000+08:00

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"Neverland (also spelled Never Land or expanded as Never Never Land) is a fictional world featured in the works of J. M. Barrie and those based on them. It is the dwelling place of Peter Pan, Tinker Bell, the Lost Boys, and others. Although not all people in Neverland cease to age, its best known resident famously refused to grow up, and it is often used as a metaphor for eternal childhood (and childishness), immortality, and escapism." - Wikipedia

Think that Neverland doesn't exist? Haha it does... whether your imagination allows it or not but the Neverland I'm talking about is something tangible. Yup the childcare centre and it's my 4th day there. :D Wow now I'm a familiar face there and the children will say 'hi' to me there when they see me. Aww so sweet. I'm really tempted to visit them whenever I come back from school and I'm free... yeah. I mean, it's just at the void of the block next door so why not? haha I just hope they will remember me even after the term of my attachment there. :D Yeah it's really my Neverland 'cos I feel like a young kid again and since I'm playing with the children there as well, haha I'm like reliving my nursery and kindergarten days again. Of course with more authority now as the big jiejie there :P

Oh wow for food again... ok so for the past 4 days... hmmm... I had chicken curry (day 1), ice cream (day 2), birthday cake (day 2), spaghtetti (day 3), green bean soup (day 3), yakult (day 4, today) and haha mashed potato (day 4, today) Ok why so much food? Haha there's lunch and tea break yeah so go figure. :D Or like sometimes it's random snacking done by the teachers and I get a share of the food as well. :D I feel so loved :D Oh better get those muscles working or I'll really get fat. T_T

Oh well, today I went with both the N1 and N2 classes but not all the way, just when the teachers need help. Otherwise I'm doing my other task... that is, to come up with the design for next term's theme on "Environment". Then when I'm done with that, I have to do labelling for the chairs and play stuff for the children to allow them associate the words with daily objects and play things. Yup wow :D Ok, the last time RGS girls were there, I think they did about the same thing too but guess what? There was 2 of them. This time, I'm alone O.O Oh well, I'm a loner... no biggie but I wonder if I'm doing things right, you know. Oh well. Ok, I have the layout done so all I need to do is print stuff and stick them together and I'm done. Pretty efficient for a one-man job eh? :D Ok, so in the morning, I looked after the N1s, then I joined the N2s for lunch and supervised the N1s during the later partr of the afternoon. Heehee :D Haha the children just can't stop asking why I suddenly come then leave and blah. Oh but they are so sweet, they come running to me shouting, "JIEJIE!!" and they tell me stuff like what the just did, what they ate, where they went to, what they just made with the blocks... all at once! hahaha and all I just say is "wow", "good girl/boy", "yes yes", "ok", "listen to your teacher" etc etc.

Guess what? Marcus kept repeating that he likes me. Haha as if I don't know already. Haha at least I can "threaten" him when he's being a bad boy.... like I'd say, "If you...., then Jiejie don't like you anymore" and he'll go, "I don't want... No...." in his sad voice. I ask you... how to handle a child like that? Haha you wanna be fierce and angry but they melt your heart every time with their big watery eyes and their voice that is cracking with emotion and sadness. I'm still learning a lot of things and I'm sure that they will come in handy when I grow up... like my patience is constantly tested but oh well.... I guess I will have more tolerance? Hmm... and I have learnt that I can be fierce?? Lol lost that sometimes ago when I lost self-confidence but I'm gaining both of them back. Muahaha....

Ok, I'm so gonna miss the children!!! I'm really gonna take pictures of them! Each and everyone of them... with the permission of the teacher of course. Oh wait, before I forget, there was a commotion early in the morning at the childcare centre but I missed it by the time I came in... I think, by just a few minutes. Lol what happened? A cat got in, slept in one of the cupboards of the N1 classroom and when they went in, they all got a shock (the cat included) and as all children would react, I suppose there was a lot of screaming and running around. Haha and to imagine I actually missed all that! T_T But the children were more than willing to relate their experiences to me, as usual. They were like... "Got a cat, meow-meow then *hiss hiss* and *scratching action + angry meow*. I so scared..." Me: "I'm sure you were. *Smiles* Now ssshhh..."

Haha wow. Quite epic eh? I hope tomorrow will a great day as well. And guess what, after tomorrow, I'm halfway through the term of my attachment and I have to take 2 days leave for band. Sad-ed. T_T Oh well. I guess I'll never forget the wonderful times I have there :D Like today, I had to follow a girl all the way to the cubicle (without a door as previously mentioned), p*** down her shorts and lift her up to the toilet bowl, wait for her, get her properly dressed and of course, remind her to wash her hands. Haha but I love kids so no biggie :D My Neverland is full of unimaginable wonders...

#3 Sunflower vs. Daffodil

2010-06-03T00:42:00.001+08:00

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Haha this is not something about flowers if that's what you're thinking... Remember those times in Nursery or Kindergarten when we had sorta cute names for our classes like they could be named after countries etc etc. Well, seems like the childcare centre I'm at uses FLOWERS! Haha there's also Daisy and... actually I'm not sure what but yeah, you get the idea. Anyway, I'm back with the same N2 class so there's the same old people like Jing Rui, Yi Xu, Jaden, Zachariah, Zheng Yu, Marcus, Addison, Aik Hong, Kimberly, Kyla, Jenelle, Jing Yi and Yi Lin. And here's a few I didn't mention yesterday: Julius, Xuan Hui, Yu/Yi Xuan, Jie Si, Xin Hui and Keyon. There's more still... Hmm... see if I can get to know them better. Yeah so that's that.

Omg hehe Marcus is so naughty but like I said, he can be good by if he makes an effort to. Lol during nap time, he said he wanted me to sleep with him. Cough cough gag. Lol sounds so wrong. Well, I did to make him sleep (he's one of those who can't and will disturb the rest) but he was still naughty so oh well, I ignored him and the teacher scolded him and made him like "fa zhan" along the corridor... oh the good and sensible children are so likeable! Like Yi Xu, Xuan Hui, Keyon, Zheng Yu, Xin Hui, Julius and Jing Rui :D They seldom give problems and they really ask if you're ok and all that and they listen to you :D

Oh what's up with the weird title? I realised i haven't explained it yet yeah haha but the N2 class I took today consists of students from the 2 classes - Sunflower and Daffodil as one of the teachers was on medical leave (same situation as yesterday) and they had to combine classes. Yup so that's where I come in. I mean I guess either Sunflower or Daffodil will be further split into 2 if I wasn't doing my work attachment you know... and while one half joins Mdm Koh's class, the other half will go join another teacher's class. Yeah. Personally, I think that Daffodil is much more well-behaved. You can tell from how obedient and sensible most of the kids are in that class. Those in Sunflower ah... aiyoh headache ah. Ok, let's see... if I'm correct, here's who in which class... (those children that I know of)

Daffodil: Jing Rui, Yi Xu, Xin Hui, Kyla, Jenelle, Jing Yi, Yi/Yu Xuan, Aik Hong
Sunflower: Yi Lin, Marcus, Julius, Zachariah, Addison, Keyon, Kimberly

Haha hope I got their classes right. Anw, I know for sure that the notorious 3 (Yi Lin, Marcus, Addison) are in Sunflower. For easier reference, I'll call them Y.A.M. Haha cute, awesomely random and randomly awesome. XP Oh Aik Hong is in Daffodil but still, they are a good bunch. :D Haah most of the girls are in Daffodil too while most of the boys are in Sinflower. Haha girls are cool and awesome! :D Oh haha and I have another so-called "lover". Haha Yi Xu asked if he can love me... I mean of course he can but when he said that it was so sweet man :D I think my decision to go to a childcare centre for my WEP is the right one :D Which is why I will try to blog about my days there as much as possible too :D

Oh and for lunch... we had spaghetti! Haha most finished their food fast today! :D And I wanna say how well-fed I am there thqat I'm afraid I may grow fat after my 2 weeks there. Lol :D Haha ok ok... Oh band starts next Tue so I will have to take leave... Awww so sad T_T Oh well, I'll miss the children too. Haha I'm so happy those children in the N1 class still remember me! Haha Crystal, Le Ren, Xavier Toh and Xavier Tan to name a few! :D Haha I must get something for everyone on my last day :D Like sweets and then maybe I can do CIP during the December hols. Haha :D And remind me to take pictures of them too :D

Whatever it is, I'm most likely not going to work with the N2s tomorrow again. Hmmm... but I'll see them around for sure. I mean, it's still the same centre. :D Then yeah I wonder what I'll be doing tomorrow! Oh yeah before I forget, I also had the chance to do story-telling. Wow I'm getting all sorts of training here! From motherhood skills to classroom management, reading the body language of the children (lol like when they wanna pee, they have to hold on to their that *ahem* part... both boys and girls) to story-telling with all the actions and sound effects. Well, I have to get their attention, don't I? Yeah I probably looked silly but when you're with children, there's no such thing as acting "stupid" or "silly". :D They will look up to you instead. Lol haha :D And that's why I'm enjoying my work there. :D Something new every day. Exciting, interesting and fresh. (power/rule of 3)

Now, let's count to 3 together....

#2 Punishment and Reward

2010-06-02T01:03:00.002+08:00

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Today's the 2nd day of work... and this time, I was 'posted' to an N2 class now (4 years old) haha where I saw Meimei! Lol and she recognises me! Yay :D Anyway, I saw a lot of what I would call 'punishment and reward'. Don't think that people nowadays are sparing the rod and all. I mean people are less strict but strict still.

Oh and being with a new class means meeting new children. Wow this time they are less whiny compared to the N1ers but also louder, naughtier and haha they complain more too. Ok, maybe I'm making a generalisation here 'cos I have only been with 1 N1 class and 1 N2 class. Oh well. Haha so who did I meet today? Let's see... there's Marcus (the one whom I have a lot to talk about...), Addison (a naughty one), Yi Lin (another naughty one), Kimberly (aka Meimei), Jenelle (a sweet girl), Kyla (the girl who has her right hand in a cast... T_T), Jing Yi (a cute little boy with curls), Zachariah (cute and little rolled into one... innocent eyes), Yi Xu (easy-going and very sensible boy), Jaden (whose birthday is today), Jing Rui (a cute boy), Zheng Yu (boy whose name I kept forgetting initially), Aik Hong (another naughty one), Xuan Hui (sweet sensible girl who kissed me... awww) and others who I can't recall now. But I'm taking them again tomorrow! Yeah! :D SO I hope I get to know them better.

Okay, so apparently there are quite a few naughty boys (haha see how I remembered those 'notorious' people first?) yeah and Marcus got scolded severely like 2 times, Addison 2 times and Yi Lin like almost every second. Lol :D Ok but I guess that they needed to be scolded (punishment) for their bad behaviour. But after that when they behaved, they were allowed to play with the rest again and they don't have to 'fa zhan' (reward). Well, of course the good ones also get rewarded naturally, like being the first to get the birthday cake (will elaborate later), the first ones to get the goodie bags and the ones who get extra pieces of apple after lunch. Lol come to think of it, I think I was one of those goody goody people who seldom got into trouble and when I did, I would be very sad... hahah the innocence. :D

Oh and nap time was interesting too... those who couldn't sleep or those that pretended to sleep were like threatened? Hmmm I dunno if that's an appropriate word to use but yeah, they were told to sleep or they would not get to eat cake later during the cake-cutting celebration which was after nap time). I know that if you're not in the mood to sleep, you just can't sleep and to a young child, it's torture to not be able to sleep when you want to. I mean i've been through that and it's even worse when you are being forced to sleep by your teacher or someone who's standing there watching you and making sure that you are actually sleeping. Of course, there were many times I pretended I was asleep but my teachers never suspected a thing. Maybe I was good at pretending or maybe they knew... but I was a good girl so they let me off. Haha lol I dunno! Oh well, this time the children had many more weird sleeping poses. On girl actually rolled onto 2 other boys' mattresses and kicked them in the faces. Thank goodness they didn't wake up and cry. Haha. I was trying hard to stifle my laughter but haha the teacher laughed too. lol :D Oh then another sleep till his head was off the mattress while the rest of his body was still on it. Haha. Had to make sure I didn't step on his head. Luckily the teacher saw that, laughed and pulled him back proper on the mattress. :D Oh there was this one who slept until so glam! Like a model. I think it was Jenelle. Haha :D

Oh then there's the birthday party! Jaden's birthday! I must get something for him tomorrow :D Oh well, Marcus got scolded very seriously. You know after that he didn't wanna eat his cake and he looked so sad.... T_T Ok, now on to Marcus. Lol I'm not a paedo btw. Hehe just that he's the first one I met from the N2 class today and yeah, was surprised to find he was one of the naughty ones. Yeah 'cos there's an odd number of pupils, he had to hold my hand when we went out for play time and yeah he was real friendly :D Hehe and after play time and all, he came to hold my hand again and told me he liked me. Aww so sweet. Lol I say that guys gotta have this boy's courage. Going up and saying straight that you like someone. Oh well, this is different yeah but he's so cute! Yup, that got my attention. How can you forget someone so cute? Oh and well, when he heard I didn't have a scooter, he said he wanted to buy a big one for me. Wow. O.o Ok, and during TV time, yeah a few of them wanted to sit on my lap and Marcus was the first one. Haha lol and he told me a second time of... yeah you know. Omg I feel weird posting this. XP Ok, like I said, he got scolded and I totally glared and scolded him too. Haha so now he knows I can scold too :D Oh and he's such an attention-seeker... aiyah headache ah... haha at the end of it all, when I had to go home, he was like 'why?' I said I needed to go home and everyone said 'bye' to me. :D Oh and Marcus said, "Next time must come early." Haha lol I asked, "Tomorrow? I'm coming again tomorrow." and he smiled. Haha cute cute cute (power/rule of three) :D Hmm I think that if he behaves, he's actually a very nice boy... see my first impression of him? Yeah...

Oh and after that, we went as a family to watch "Shrek Forever After" at Bugis Junction. 3D leh... awesome man! :D Haha oh but now as I'm writing this, I'm thinking about how I'm seriously slacking. Oh dear... I hope to get rewards, not punishments for the end-of-years and for HMT 'O' Levels so I better start getting serious and buck up. Wish me luck!

#1 Bring it all back

2010-05-31T23:09:00.002+08:00

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My first day of work for WEP and it really is something interesting. :D When I say bring it all back, I really mean it 'cos I'm doing childcare which may irk some but I'm fine with that 'cos I like little children. They are so playful and innocent. And like what the principal said when she talked to me, they are not doing nanny-care, they are also providing the children with an environment to learn inter- and intra-personal skills as well as some simple mathemetical concepts etc. Oh and I'm never gonna complain again about teachers having as easier life than students blah blah 'cos today, I just experienced supervising a group of playful and hyper children and for a whole day worth of work, it really is tiring. Whoo...

Oh well, just to inform you, this is pre-drafted during my break time at the centre in case I forgot some meaningful/important stuff that happened there so I can definitely say for sure that this will be a super long post... and since it was written at that time, don't be surprised to see 'now' later which actually now means 'then' (during my break time) Haha lol. Confusing? lol nvm :D

Anyway, I have to say that I envy the children 'cos they have no worries about school and blah.... but one day, they will have to grow up like we have done so and learn about truth about our cruel and complex world now, which I have to say (in case I'm being too pessimistic here) is full of love and kindness as well when you least expect it. Btw, we all went through all that learning some point in our lives when we were growing up, right? Anyway, these children also reminded me of the Cambodian children... (OSL'09!!) and while I intitally thought about how sad it is that just because you were born in a different place, your circumstances and your life could be so different... some get to live their childhood to the fullest while some are forced to grow up. But if there's any single striking similarity, it is their innocence. Oh well, they are having their nap 'now'... so cute! Haha and I tried to do this caricature of Sunabouzu.... quite fail I think. Haha will upload it soon! :D

Anyway, this is the day's events up to the my break/ their nap time....

Settling down of children --- They were brought to the play area to play with building blocks and all to settle down. Hoho my first encounter with them! Well, I was new so you can imagine the looks on their faces when they first saw me - utter disbelief... ok not quite... and it's not because I'm scary/ugly or anything like that. Just someone unfamiliar I guess but some warmed up to me quickly and pretty soon they were calling me "Jiejie" even before I introduced myself. Awww..... (thank goodness it's not 'teacher' or 'auntie'. LOL) Oh well, there were of course those who fought over the toys and some who didn't want to share but that's rivalry for you. For a middle child, I went through a lot of sibling rivalry. Heheh :D
Fun outdoors --- Haha we went out to play! YAY! And I officially "stuck" with this N1 class (3 years old toddlers) for the day. Well, it's not a bad experience... that's why I said '"stuck"' and not 'stuck'. If you can't see the difference, it's just that I put inverted commas for that word... yeah... lol just felt like confusing you today :D Oh there was this boy called Shi/Si Jie I think.... (turns out he's new like me) who wanted to play at the playground for a group of N1ers who are 3 years old, it's full of danger, especially without enough people to supervise. But we managed to dissuade him and we played on an open grassy area with this big red bouncy ball. :D And yeah, the usual picking-up of leaves and twigs with the children. Just exploring I guess. Oh and we saw a few aeroplanes in the sky which made all of them so excited! :D Haha why have we all forgotten how fun it used to be to see an aeroplane in the sky?
Lessons --- I'm not personally involved... I just have to assist the teacher with anything she needs help with... like getting Shi/Si Jie back when he kept running off. well, since this is his first day, the teachers are less strict with him but since I was free, I was the one who kept bringing him back and blah. Lol.
Lunch time --- Lunch was provided!!! And the cook is so nice! Haha the teachers and I had chicken curry, while the children had porridge with carrots, long beans and chicken. lol I remember the time when I didn't wanna eat my greens... of course, you were forced to finish your food in kindergarten... come to think of it, I don't know when the swtich occurred 'cos now I like vegetables, even those less well-liked ones like bittergourd, pumpkin, gsrlic, onion, lady's fingers (lol my sis is disgusted by their goop and slimy texture) etc. Hmm... I remember I kinda forced myself to finish my food 'cos the teacher would scold those who didn't, and my mum said that she paid for the food they provide so wasting food is like wasting mony... well, I had good values and with enough self-discipline (to actually listen to the adults) and all, I slowly learnt that vegetables aren't that disgusting. :D
Bath time --- haha not involved again but I have to tell them to get their stuff and go to the toilet to bathe... like with the teachers helping them bathe lah of course. Haha I've forgotten that their toilets have no doors and seeing one another naked/half-naked, girl or boy, was nothing really. Haha the innocence. In fact, a girl had trouble pulling up her pants and I had to help her. haha wow, my training to be a future mom. LOL
TV time --- Ah... TV... haha and once again, I'm watching all those baby shows again, which were actually quite interesting. Oh and it's so heartening to see the children jump up and dance readily to the music from the show... so much so that they get scolded for their enthusiasm and zest. Haha you should see us now... we stone... talk about growing up. XD
Nap time --- Zzzzzz... yup, it's their nap time 'now'. I'm actually free 'now' and busily drafting this blog post on pen and paper... tedious... XP wow I'm actually writing about 'now' like 'now'. Ok, wait a minute... all this recounting the past is confusing me too. aiyah whatever lah. I think it makes the post so random lol :D ooh and someone 'just' cried. (lol this is getting weirder and weirder by the minute) Hmm... oh and I forgot to mention but it was so fun patting the little children off to sleep. Haha preparation for motherhood??! Eww... don't wanna think so far into the future. Lol the principal told me that the teachers have diplomas in early childhood. Haha if I ever wanna go into this line, I have my work attachment as a reference. Btw, I think I'm doing a fine job :D Hope they give me a good review :D

Omg! I have written so much! 5.5 pages in my notebook! (pen and paper remember?) And I haven't even talked about the children I have met today! Haha let me see... there's Keia (cute little girl), Crystal (responsible leader type of girl), Xin Hui (shy girl who cried when she saw her gorgor outside during play time), Xavier Toh (takes initiative kind of boy), Xavier Tan (quiet cute boy), Darren (a bit cheeky and playful kind of boy), Le Ren (playful and cute kind of boy) and more. Oh well so cute right? All have their own personalities :D Anyway, I'm kinda touched when during TV time, 2 of them... Le Ren and Crystal came to sit on my lap (at different times of course). Oh and actually, the children's hands do end up everywhere and anywhere so I felt quite "touched" if you know what I mean, considering that the children are about half my height... and one kept hugging my legs for a while but that's beside the point. Oh well, little children so nothing to worry about right? haha my brother came up with the theory that they are trying to take advantage of me by acting cute but whatever. LOL

Well, all this reminded me of myself when I was younger. I wanted to go to school so badly that I begged my mum to send me there. Eventually, I ended up starting N2 classes at 4 years old when majority actually start from K1 :D. Hmm... I'm quite sian of school now but hey, it's the June hols so maybe this break and WEP experience can change my mindset and let me feel more refreshed for T3 :D

Ok, so tmr is the 1st day of June so I will try to start on official work (yes I've been slacking and fangirling... SUNABOUZU!!!) like filing stuff and starting on revision and PTs.. So long for now, Mizuno Kanta and Chihiro Suzuki (voice actor of Kanta... haha sexy voice!) lol just realised something.... Sunabouzu always has the last laugh/mention. Muahahaha :D

On my way

2010-05-29T21:02:00.000+08:00

Tell everybody I'm on my way
New friends and new places to see
With blue skies ahead, yes I'm on my way
And there's no where else I'd rather be

Hey guys! I dunno why I'm actually writing this for but I have been thinking a lot over the past 2 days or so (after watching the last few episodes of Desert Punk again) about master-disciple relationships. I guess this kind of things have always caught my interest like... when I watch stuff like Avatar The Last Airbender (Sokka's Master) and wuxia stuff like The Condor Heroes and now Desert Punk. I'm a person who likes to learn things through real experience... getting down to it all and I think that although stuff like what goes on in these shows are not real, we still can't help but admire the characters. And it's really awesome how you go on these journeys and you learn more not only of the trade but also about yourself.

And the amount of effort put in by both the disciple and the master is truly admirable. I mean, the master wants the disciple to grow and the disciple wants to be as good, if not better, than the master. And since the disciple has to follow the master wherever he/she goes, it makes this kind of relationship something that is memorable and meaningful, don't you think? Like the bond is something you cannot explain.... not something straightforward like loving your family and friends.... 'cos in a way, your master is both your family and friend after all the experiences together. I would really like to know someone that way :D Someone wanna take me as a disciple? Haha lol :D

Anw, there was a time in the past when people took in apprentices or disciples 'cos that's was the only way to learn a skill... the passing down of knowledge from the master to the disciple but with everything available on the Internet and school (lol the irony), these kind of things are somewhat "endangered". Sad right? Everything so globalized and mass-produced on the large scale, we have lost a lot of craftsmen and artisans. Wow... I really hope someone will help bring all these back :)

Well, I'm also very amazed at the age of the disciples. I mean, depending on how independent and/or mature they are or want to be, they can be as young as 10 years old, right? haha that makes me feel so immature. -_-" At this age, I can do so much more, and I'm not just talking about the normal jobs that we take at KFC or something. But yeah being truly independent. Oh well... and to think that Sokka is 15 years old, Ouyang Ke probably 18 or so, Taiko being 14 years old and Sunabouzu being 17 years old. Aahh! So cool! Haha makes me feel quite old... that I'm still a home-staying girl. Oh maybe I'm thinking too much. :D Anw, I'm definitely on my way to becoming more independent I hope! My childcare (WEP) work starts on Monday! Awesome! Hahaha :D Oh and that explains the title and the song lyrics. "On My Way" by Phil Collins from the movie "Brother Bear". :D Hope this was something insightful heh.

Tell everybody I'm on my way
And I'm loving every step I take
With the sun beating down, yes I'm on my way
And I can't keep this smile off my face

Sunabouzu / Desert Punk (AMV) Fairy Tale - Shaman

2010-05-28T00:08:00.000+08:00

Kanta Mizuno. Sunabouzu

2010-05-27T23:39:00.003+08:00

Hey there! Haha those who know me know I'm currently crazy over Kanta Mizuno aka Sunabouza (Devil of the Desert). Who is he? He is a handyman, a mercenary but a totally awesome one from the anime "Desert Punk". I seriously think that this anime is underrated. I mean it's awesome! It has only 24 episodes but you will be so wowed by it. Go here if you wanna find out more. Yeah and well, he's described as horny, ugly and perverted... all of which is true but he has good qualities too. He's very professional and serious when he gets down to work. He is very funny and I like funny guys :D And he is very witty and and individualistic and doesn't give up easily. He is also very charismatic with carzy and eccentric antics and tactics. Which is why he's the best handyman and he's given the name the "Devil of the Desert". He's notoriously famous too... why? Well, he doesn't take sides... he's the kind who will do whatever it takes to survive and so, he has betrayed people on both the good and the bad side. Well, not that he's bad but I think he doesn't agree with what they do or what they want him to do sometimes. Like I said, very individualistic. :D

Haha yeah so although he looks like a very simple character, I personally think that he can actually be complicated. :D So mysterious! And the best thing is.... for all that he's known for and blah, he's only a 17-year-old teenager! AWESOME! :D (hehe one year older only huh?) Ok, well I thought I would dedicate a post to this very special anti-hero 'cos yeah. I watched this anime a few years back when it aired on Arts Central... How did it start? Well, I was bored and was just channel-surfing when I suddenly remembered it was anime night so I went to check what anime was showing and it was none other than "Desert Punk". The thing is, if it's a boring show, I would have turned off the TV or changed channels but I didn't. I continued watching till the end of the episode and so began my habit of watching the anime every week :D Till it ended... I was so sad when he died that I cried!!!! I think that for such an awesome character, he's deserves more mention so once again, this post totally for him! :D Oh but he somehow reappeared again and yeah... but the ending is still sad. I didn't really get it at that time and well, I suddenly remembered how much I liked the anime last time that I'm attempting to watch the last few episodes again to see if I get it :D Haha and I think that the voice actor Chihiro Suzuki is so awesome for voicing Kanta! Haha he's laughter is one you will never forget! And yeah it totally brings out his character!

Ok, more cool stuff on Desert punk coming up! Do look out for them! Meanwhile, if possible, go watch the anime! I rate it 10 out 5! haha lol. Have fun!

Last day of school - The brightest flames are always BLUE!

2010-05-27T22:44:00.004+08:00

Hey hey it was Sports Fest today and Richardson totally won 1st for cheerleading! Yeah! I felt so happy 'cos I think we really deserved it. The cheerleaders were totally awesome! :D Haha so here's a tribute to Richardson! All the girls wanna be like us! Go Lynn! You totally rocked today and I wanted to go find you and hug you or something but haha you somehow always disppeared to somewhere.... -_- anw, I really feel like a Sec 1 again, being so involved in everything, although I have forgotten some of the cheers.... But yeah I decided last minute to be helper 'cos they need more people and I was free. In fact, I came early so yeah, I think I made the right choice 'cos it was fun being a helper, running to and fro to pass the slips of paper (of the names of competitiors) to the announcers. Hehe :D

Yeah and guess what? It's the last day of school! Actually, it was less (how should I say it...?) of a big event(?) than I expected 'cos after all the hype, it's not that great lah... maybe because when you are in RGS, you still have to go back during the holidays and well, I think we've all grown somewhat immune to these kind of look-forward-to-the-holidays feelings. It's kinda sad but it's not all bad. I guess I have more time to blog and watch youtube vids and blah. I will start filing then work on my PTs.... haha my aim is to get things done by the 2nd week and yeah concentrate on studies.

Hmm... I'm quite sad that a lot of our teachers are leaving us (well, not RGS... but they won't be teaching us!) Like Ms Wong.... NOOOOOO. And Mrs Koh...... NOOOOOOO. And Zheng laoshi.... NOOOOOO. Well, Zheng laoshi stopped teaching us already... hmmm but she's still around and Li laoshi is awesome too :D Oh but Ms Long and Ms Melissa are leaving 'cos they are ex-students who are relieve teachers. Oh well, I do wish them the best in everything they do. :D

Oh and we got back our progress reports today. Well, we already know our GPAs beforehand from the initial check so I'm not surprised by it. I was looking forward more to the comments and I felt really touched. I mean, yeah. When I went to get my progress report and Ms Lee went to take a look at my GPA, she was like "Shelley, what happened?" and yeah, my heart totally ached 'cos that meant that she expected more from me but I didn't reach expectations. Do I really have the potential? I'm not so sure... T_T

Oh yeah the comments. For some reason, I went to read the comments from the teachers in Sec 1 and I guess I'm now more outspoken and confident in my leadership skills. In Sec 1, I was described by majority of the teachers as "quiet and conscientious" haha but now, I see more stuff like haha yeah it's just different altogether. :D So I'm quite happy about that. Of course, I need to improve in a lot of my subjects. T_T Haha but I still can't believe how I'm actually viewed by my teachers... I mean I'm totally random and I'm just simply a simple person. Yeah so yeah. I also think that this time the teachers are giving more honest and constructive feedback and comments 'cos for once, I feel that to a certain extent, what they have said is true. Or maybe I've been self-reflecting too much. Anw, this is my year of great change and I hope I can improve further!

CLE: Shelley is a bright and lively pupil who exudes positive energy. A thoughtful and reflective pupil, she could be more forthcoming with her thoughts and insights.

In my own words: Shelley is high and hyper and she can be more outspoken :D Hehe see how teachers have the ability to cheemify stuff. Ok, no lah I really appreciate everything. Hope to get more support from the people around me! And thanks also goes to Jiayi and Grace, my table mates for being so awesome! I sincerely hope we can sit together again next term! :D

My 1st National Taekwondo Poomsae Tournament

2010-05-23T17:28:00.004+08:00

Hey, I came back from my tournament a while ago and well, I didn't do my best (score: only 6.8) but I still got my Gold! Yeah! Well, there were only 3 people so I guess it was lucky of me. But I'm youngest there... aiyoh whatever lah. Hmm, thank goodness I have a video of my pattern so I can improve from now till the next grading. It's almost impossible to get a double but that won't stop me! :D Yup, it was really over in a flash. It's even shorter than normal grading! Haha but that also means that all the fear and worries are short-lived. Haha and we know the results almost instantly, not like grading when we wait for weeks for the results >.<

Haha I was so nervous I didn't look at my score on the screen or at anyone in particular.... not even the instructors... I just stared ahead into space. Haha lol didn't even know my score until my mum told me. I feel so stoops Hmm... overall, I think the experience has helped me know better where I stand in terms of my standard. Oh dear, but I'm afraid my coaches are disappointed with me... >.< Haha like I told my senior today... I may look cool and calm but I'm actually a bundle of nerves inside.

Well, anyway, I think this day and event does not just belong to me alone. I wanna congratulate all my seniors and friends too for their achievements! Congrats to Hui Lian, Hin Chi, Yan Tong, Wanyi, Bei Shan, Zhiqing, Zhiqing's bro, Vincent and Eileen (haha you got Gold by default but it's still good). Haha yeah let's work even harder together from now on!

Date: 23 May 2010 (Sun)
Venue: Bedok Sports Hall
Time: started around 2.3opm plus

Singapore Taekwondo Federation
4th National Taekwondo Poomsae Championships 2010
Female Individual
E Division - Blue 4
1st - Gold

Chess: Up, up and away!

2010-05-23T00:37:00.006+08:00

Hey so what's with the weird title? haha Rwinds and our 2 pieces - Chess and Up! Well, I think everybody did a good job considering we only had like 7 practices.... and I went for only 5 of them (see previous post). Anyway, I had a lot of fun in Rwinds so here's one whole post dedicated to it! :D Yay! And I think that randomness runs in trumpet sections.... past , present and future!! Haha why? In primary school, now in CATS'10 and even in Rwinds, the trumpets section has always been like random, talkative and funny. haha :D

Ok, I admit that initially I was hesitant 'cos of the commitments and all but my parents were supportive. When I showed them the timings and dates of practices, my mum said only 2 words: Go lah. lol I was quite surprised. :D I mean I thought she would say something about me taking on too many things but she didn't. In fact, she supported me, even fetching me home after every practice. Aww... thanks mum! <3 Ok, so with the 2 magic words, I was in. I mean it's still another commitment and responsibility but it was a good, fruitful and meaningful experience. :D And I'm glad I didn't shy away from that opportunity. :D

I managed to meet many people like JJ, my RJC senior who has already graduated (but still as random and funny as ever. and he still has his blu-tack haha :D), Chia Ling (my great-great-grand-direct who's so friendly! <3), Quintus (pro player, most sane in section I think) and Ivan (haha I can be his daughter!). Yup so everything was just so awesome. Even when I made mistakes like during the case of the missing pencil, the filing of the music pieces, and using the mute at the wrong time. Well, I earned the nickname 'problem child' but whatever... makes me feel young. :D yes must think positive! :D

Yeah I learnt to be more confident in my playing and in interacting with others (I always found it weird to address an adult like Ivan by his/her first name). Hope I can continue to learn more stuff! Yup just a few sad issues though... I mean since Sec 2, I have always been determined that I would not continue band in JC. Not that I hate band or music but I wanted something new, like rugby? haha lol but then I 'm not so sure now? Then, I just realised I have only a few more months with someone I love till I leave RGS.... SIMON!! I've been with you for like forever! I can't bear to leave you! T_T I mean it. You have been through so much with me... from being just a normal trumpet like any other... to one that now means a lot to me, with a specially given name from me (inspired by Simon in Flashforward. Quantum physics! :D) and to one that is shiny now after all the cleaning and polishing... I hope whoever owns you next time in CATS will treasure you, still call you Simon and always take good care of you... T_T Anw, we still have NBC and SIBF so let's make the most out of it! <3

Ok, now on to Prometheum XIII! I think that it was really awesome for me. After all the experiences, I felt that the concert would really serve as a good closure and it did :D Yup, we camwhored a lot! Yay! :D And I will strive to be as pro as JJ and Quintus with their cool and awesome solos! Haha hope that the ppl in the trumpets section like their presents and found them meaningful! :D haha it was so fun backstage when everybody was camwhoring and we were like fooling around. Oh and I was frantically looking for a Derick but to no avail.... guess what? My mum said that's because 'Derick' is a name he chose for himself. Ppl don't know him by that name... O.o Now I see.... hehehe stoops me. Those who saw my failed attempts at looking for Derick, please don't laugh.... >.< lol (only I can laugh at myself). Oh and thanks to Jiayi and Ni Min for coming to the concert to support Bingrui, Amanda and me! It meant a lot :D Shh... whatever happened after the concert will remain our little secret. I promise :D

Haha so what now? Rwinds or not? That's the question. I still gotta be convinced... >.< Coda VI on 20 Dec 2010! :D Nohetheless, thanks for the wonderful memories everyone! From my batch mates to my section mates, to the conductor, Ni Min and Jiayi, and everyone in Rwinds! :D Wouldn't have been the same without you guys!

Let me rant on just once... :D

2010-05-22T23:31:00.003+08:00

Hey wow I realised that I haven't been posting a lot... sad. 'Cos a lot of things happened to me in the past erm... 3 weeks? Ok, let's do this systematically. Haha a trip down memory lane. Wait.... let me take out my school handbook... Ok, so what happened after Cadenza? Hmm...

1. Join Rwinds to guest-perform for Prometheum XIII
2. 1st Rwinds practice (Tues, 4 May)
3. PFT 5 items (Wed, 5 May)
4. PFT 2.4km run (Fri, 5 May)
5. Sec 4 Inconvo (Fri, 5 May)
6. 2nd Rwinds practice (Sat, 6 May)
7. Taekwondo on Sun as usual (supposed to go on Sat too but skipped 'cos of Rwinds)
8. SS AA due (Mon, 10 May)
9. Bio SPA (Wed, 12 May)
10. ATempo XX - All the world's a stage (Wed, 12 May)
11. 3rd Rwinds practice (Thur, 13 May)
12. Math GA 3 (Thur, 13 May)
13. Last PSL session (Sat, 15 May) but I missed 'cos of Career Keys Workshop >.<>.< (Thur, 27 May)
25. Sports Fest (Thur, 27 May)
26. WEP from 31 May to 11 June (9am to 5pm)
27. Band practices as usual during June hols
28. PSB chalet!
29. Band Camp!

Hmm... I can't think of what else but yeah. lol just realised I revealed to the whole world my plans for June hols and blah. hehe. Anw, anything can happen from now so yeah this is kinda tentative. :D Haha yeah man. got a lot to catch up on (in terms of posting) Now you understand my lack of posts. :D

Identity Crisis

2010-05-01T13:16:00.003+08:00

Hey Cadenza XII is over! It was a good experience but I was not my best. Anyway, I think I'm facing an identity crisis now 'cos I dunno what I'm doing, why I'm here and who I really am. If people only associate me with my fave characters only, then I guess they don't really know me. If people think I do not have personal struggles, then they don't really understand me. If people think I can handle it and that I'm not stressed, then they are highly mistaken. Even if I don't cry in front of people, doesn't mean I don't. Even if I don't say a word, doesn't mean I don't have a voice. Even if it seems like I'm not hearing, doesn't mean I don't listen. Even it seems like I don't mind, it matters. Hmm... wow what did I just type? Sigh...

Anyway, if I'm facing some kind of identity crisis (ok maybe it's a bit extreme but you get the message), then I guess this blog shouldn't exist anymore.

The mirror shatters and as I gaze at the many shattered pieces on the floor, I see a million reflections looking back, but they all look lost and none of them are me.

Leaving my mark

2010-04-26T00:34:00.003+08:00

Hey all! This post is going to be a really short one but yeah, I think I'm very glad that I made the decision to take up taekwondo and at Bukit Panjang CC too because it's been a really fun expereince. If I'm correct, it is already one year since I first started out as the shy little girl who was a white-belt then and who bravely came for class on her own. As in, it was a personal choice... nobody else was involved in the decision-making process... except my mum who gave the final word of course but yeah, I didn't join because my friend did or because I was forced to. I very simply was interested and wanted to do so.

Anyway, being bombarded with work was an obstacle and also, money was involved. But I was convinced that I could manage my time and that the fees were reasonable, which is true, and so I appeared for my first lesson. Haha and I saw like people whom I didn't know then but are now my firends. Cool how it happens right? Oh yeah about the workload thing... suppose I delayed in acting on my decision (or impulse haha) to take up taekwondo, I would probably have decided after a whie, that I could not commit. You know how the mind works right? Haaha this reminds me of the paradox of Schrödinger's cat. I think it's so cool! Lol. I will blog more about it soon because it is a paradox and it's obvious why I like paradoxes, right? (Hello that's the theme of my blog.... haha no offence... just joking)

Back to my point, I can't believe it's been one year and yesterday (25 April 2010), they announced the results of our previous grading. I got my double promotion!!! I'm really happy about it but I will still continue to work hard and make my family members and coaches proud. Of course, thanks goes to everybody who has helped me. The coaches have always been a source of inspiration and admiration, and my seniors too like Yan Tong, Hin Chi, Wanyi and Bei Shan, have given me guidance and motivation to improve and of course, there's Hui Lian for always being there for and with me since I first started out, and Eileen for being my sparring partner and always training with me. My parents for their support and classmates who always allow me to be high over taekwondo. Haha lol :D Why am I doing this? Well, it's to mark my one-year journey. I bet things would have been different too if I joined another CC too so yeah, I'm glad I came to BPCC. :D

I also made many firends and I hope that we'll have more fun next time. To those who started out with me like Hui Lian, Kai Ching, Kai Chong, Zheng Kang, Zheng Kai, Wei Liang, Wen Qiang and the others (I hope I got the names right >.<), I really like our batch a lot. It has always been the largest and I always had fun with the little boys. Haha hope to see you guys whenever possible. :D

Oh and there's the poomsae tournament coming up! I hope I can go and participate. There will be selections! Ahhh! Anyway, I will practise hard, especially my front kick and side kick. Then maybe I can start to hope I can get the top 3. Yeah and this time, it will be hard to get a double promotion for the blue belt grading. Hope I can attempt to make history??! Haha unlikely but I will try. :D

Oh I said this will be a short post but it was the complete opposite. Hehe. Hope you didn't fall asleep halfway! Can't wait for another year of taekondo!!!! <3 I heard that most girls who reach black belt level stop and don't continue but I will and maybe one day, I can apply to be a coach. Haha... again... quite unlikely. But people who know me know I go with the flow and I let things take their natural course in life. Where my heart lies is where I will take my next step and leave my mark... :D

The Last Straw. Breakdown. Elite?

2010-04-09T21:31:00.007+08:00

Lol I seriously don't know what came over me but yeah I broke down in school today. Must be all the stress or something. Moral of the story: It's hard to keep appearances up, even a smile can hide the pain inside. But at least I know who are my real and true friends? Ok, I shouldn't generalize but anyway, I wanna thank all those who really cheered me up today. When I really felt helpless, you guys were there to encourage me. I thought I was alone but I guess with all the stuff I'm doing, I lost sight of the things around me, including my friends and family. Yup well, it it not solely because of what happened with English lesson whatsoever. I was already a bundle of nerves then and was quite emotionally unstable... >.< It was practically the LAST STRAW and that's why it (don't mind me saying this) sucks. Lol whatever am I saying? Yeah but I'm really feeling better now. Oh and the more you say "Don't cry", the more I will so haha... you know what to do :D

This brings me to the next thing I wanted to post... about Sandra Leong's article "Scoring high in grades but not in values". Being an RGS girl myself, I spent some time thinking about it. I really hope people won't see me as a snob. As in, it's not in my character but still, my actions can interpreted differently by other people. Well, I do agree that I have met people in school who think they are the best and all but of course, there are also some who truly embody the Rafflesian spirit... who are being Daughters of a Better Age. I guess that it is indeed a sensitive issue and we cannot deny the fact that meritocracy can lead to elitism. But we must also draw the line, no matter how fine the line is, between being an elite and being an elitist. Ok, I guess I won't dwell too much on this topic or I may spark off a debate in the worst-case scenario!!! O.o

Well, those who know me also know that I came from RGPS. For those who find out later, they usually go "waseh" or "walao eh" or something like that. Haha yeah it's true that we still use Singlish and all. (lol I support it too!) Hmm... yeah RGS really gave me a lot of opportunities to grow and develop as a person. (sorry my post seems so incoherent... jumping from point to point) I had the chance to be in PSB, OM, PEP, RGSSB (lol all the acronyms) and OSL. I really learnt a lot from OSL when we went to Cambodia last year. I came back with a braoder perspective on things and with the knowledge on how I can help others in Singapore and also those beyond our borders. I am still unsure of what I want to be when I grow up but I know that I definitely want to help society, whether it has to do with people or the physical environment. So anything ranging from doctor to conservationist will work for me. And it must have something to do with me physically getting down to hands-on work, and not be "cooped" up in a clean, sterile research lab or something. Hmm... but I don't really know anybody in Singapore who works as a full-time conservationist? Or maybe I'm not looking properly but I definitely would like to volunteer on a regular basis and also get to do community work overseas.

But time is a huge constraint.. yeah I broke down from all the stress but when I can fork time out, I really want to put my heart and soul into helping others. Maybe I can do volunteer work after EOYs :D Yeah! Anyone wanna come with me? Oh wait, back to the point... I do agree that we are in a really sheltered environment, where everyone is like everyone else - competitive, cares about grades, stressed, perfectionist and blah. Good thing I have my xiongdi! <3 He told me things I was shocked to hear about but I'm glad he came into my life and opened my eyes. Thank you! Haha so that makes me ok?? Sandra Leong mentioned how some did not have any friend from a neighbourhood (Secondary) school as they felt it was not necessary to. Well, I wanna say that it is indeed necessary and I'm really proud to have such an awesome xiongdi! :D :D :D Oh and I have my taekwondo friends too. I really admire them for being so good at taekwondo and well, they are so fun to talk to. Haha culture clash? No lah, just interesting insights. Haha :D Anyway, I came from a humble background where I was taught to respect my elders, taught not to waste food and taught to spend less and save more, especially since my pocket money comes from my parents (their hard earned money) and they don't actually have an obligation to give money... in fact, why not go work? Yeah I want to but again, after EOYs.

Well, I used to stay in a HDB flat before I moved into a condominium and before you go "waseh" or "walao eh", I'm staying in the heartlands, I take public transport too and my house is getting smaller and smaller 'cos of 4 children (including me) growing bigger and bigger each year. Haha :D I'm not ashamed of where I come from, who I am or what I do. I also dunno why people give me "the look" when I say I wanna be a regular volunteer or I wanna work part-time. It's all for the people around me right? Like giving back to society and easing my parents' burden (rmb I have 3 other siblings) so what's so "wrong" about it? I know studies are important but seriously, don't you guys think about other things that don't revolve directly around your life (e.g school work, CCA, tuition, GPA, RS etc.)?! Sigh... whatever am I saying? I don't even have the courage to tell them to quit complaining about what is wrong or inadequate in the lives and start counting their blessings and thinking about people other than themselves.

Ok, I'm starting to sound really subjective and all so before this goes way out of hand, I fortunately/unfortunately end my post here. Haha to summarize, it would be - The Last Straw. Breakdown. Elite? :D

Taekwondo Green Belt Grading

2010-04-04T23:25:00.005+08:00

Hey yo! Today was the very special day! :D GREEN BELT GRADING! And our first time officially sparring for grading too! Hmm... I am not even thinking of a double promotion now. I'll be happy if I can pass already. Anyway, it's held at Jurong East Sports Complex this time and I think the facilities there are cool. Oh and I think our examiner this time is the same as the previous examiner the previous grading. Haha I was looking at him and was like, "Eh? Isn't he our examiner last time?" Haha Hui Lian thought so too. Lol :D

Yay and again, I talked to some people and made new friends. Haha :D Maybe it's the PSL in me? I dunno but Yan Tong was like, "Do you go about talking to everybody in our taekwondo class?" Hmm.... I wonder why she said that...? But I guess I like chatting with people. Makes life fun and colourful you know? And well, I don't always talk to everybody all the time. Just on the bus, especially when we are heading back to BPCC 'cos the atmosphere is really relaxed and informal, not like class when you still have to be serious and respect your seniors. Oops, sorry to all my seniors for disrespectful in any way... >.< Oh btw, we saw Million bus again! Lol but it's not the same one... I didn't take down the bus plate no. T.T Haha so random... Yeah but I think that I'm making a lot of new friends like Juliete (I think it's spelt like this. Lol where's your Romeo?), Julian (Juliete's brother), Li He and Edmund. Aiyah actually I already know who Edmund is but this is like the official one. I only got to know his name from Hin Chi a few lessons back which is not too long ago. (Ssshhh, he must not know this!) But he only knew my name today and boy did I scold him... teasingly. Lol XP Which is why he must not know this.

Haha turns out he's a very random person, trying to make fun of me... T.T Haha inside joke" Edmund... Edward lol (woah not Edward Cullen horh), just some inside joke lah :D Omg and I found out there are some many relationships in my TKD class. No, not the ones you're are probably thinking of... (if you are, you're so not innocent), I mean there are many siblings in our class. Like Jessie and Samuel (are these their names? Gotta check... ps ps). Haha, no wonder they are always so close :D Hmm... yeah so that's about it :D It's been interesting and all :D

Oh yeah and when I took the pledge before the grading really started, I felt so much pride for what I learning and doing. I don't regret at all taking up TKD (even if I have to wake up early and all). It's really been one of the very meaningful and fulfiling journeys in my life that is still ongoing and it will go on forever as long as my passion remains which is definitely FOREVER! :D :D :D Haha wow intense huh? It's been so long since I felt real purpose in what I'm actually doing... and that it's something I really wanna pursue and the best thing is, it's not school-related (except when I totally shout in class how much I love TKD) so whenever I come for class, it's really a very special place where I don't think about school work at all and get stressed about it :D Haha yeah hope I can get my black belt soon and make my parents and my coaches proud :D Btw, I should really remember to bring some sweets along for the bus ride. :D

Taekwondo Grading
Green Belt

Date: 4th April 2010 (Sunday)
Venue: Jurong East Sports Complex
Time: 1pm to about 3.30pm

What hurts the most...

2010-03-26T18:30:00.002+08:00

Note: The following post can be very painful to read so don't read it if you don't have the patience. Thanks :D

What hurts the most is when I'm right in front of you, and you don't even bother or care. Am I that unimportant? Or do these people have narrow vision? Ok, before I go on, this is not meant as an attack or something but I want to pen down this so that I know that I have ever gone through such an experience. Of course, this is not the first and every time I feel sad because of such incidents, I usually brush it off and wish for a better tomorrow and by the time tomorrow comes, I would have forgiven whoever had made me sad the day before. Well, I'm not even sure if that's a good thing, especially when I keep getting instances when I feel sad because the same incident seems to repeat itself once more, only to different extents. Then I regret having such a forgiving heart in the first place.

People who know me know that I can just express (?) my feelings on the spot, whether I'm feeling high or just complaining about something hehe >.< But what is different is that sad feelings do not last long. Well, it used to but I know I'm blessed and I'm thankful for all the people around me who have suppported or helped me in one way or another. Hmm... do you think I forgive and forget too easily? Then I think about how people can't tell when I'm feeling down. Maybe I don't stay down too long and I always manage to stand up on my own so people probably won't even know that just the minute before, I was feeling real sad. Hmm... I realised that writing this post is not easy as well. Sure these are just words but there are real and true feelings behind these words. Yeah I know I tend to be happy rather than sad but you can't deny the fact that I'm a human who can feel sad too, right? Hmm... it also shows that despite my current feelings, my old wounds never fully heal, especially when incidents rub salt into them. Hmm... anybody felt this way before? Lol I just don't wanna feel lonely again.

So what happened? Well, aren't birthdays like one of the most important dates in your life because they mark the day you were born? They tell of your existence, right? Well, people around me seem to be celebrating birthdays for each other because of their sweet sixteenth. Sure, I guess sweet sixteenths are overrated... but why do you make exceptions and celebrate for others and not for some? I'm talking about how a group of people want to celebrate each other's birthdays within the group but I'm just not part of that group (even though I am physically). I really don't wanna care or think about how my birthday was not celebrated the way they would have it done so... but at least include me when you celebrate another member's birthday. Even if I'm not that important in their eyes, I want to be there when another person celebrates her birthday. It's like an indication that I'm 'invited ' too, right? And if I'm not, what does that say about how I'm viewed in their eyes? And here's the scary part (well, it is scary), they were doing the secret birthday surprise thing right in front of me in the class and I'm just invisible to them. Not a word, not a look in my direction...

Why do I even bother? Because I hope that one day they can fully accept me in their group? Or is it just in my nature? Haha (*sarcasm*) Ok, enough of this liao. It's emotionally draining and I know it's not interesting to read lah huh. Ok ok, I have been writing a lot of emo stuff but I promise the next post will be something happy. <3 Lol. On a side note, I wanna wish my friends Cheng Lynn and Stephanie Siow a really happy birthday! You guys will always remain important in my eyes!! :D (P.S they are unrelated to my post above) Keep staying high and happy 'cos you really brighten up the lives of people like me XP Haha and to everyone, jiayou for upcoming exams! :D

So what hurts the most? Haha I'm afraid I can't answer that 'cos magically, I'm feeling happy again. Lol. Cadenza XII!! :D

Fly High

2010-03-21T00:21:00.002+08:00

Hey! 3 major things have happened, all related to RGSSB. :D Haha first was Cadenza Camp 2010 held on 17 Mar (Wed)... it was so totally awesome! Made me feel like a Sec 1/2 again! :D Haha and it's all thanks to the I/Cs and the comm for the wonderful job they did. :D Then came the day of the much awaited practice session with Mr. Satoshi Yagisawa, the composer of Perseus!! :D And he was so nice! I really learned a lot from theat single session on 19 Mar (Fri) and I would say that there is marked improvement in the band's playing though, of course, there's still and there always will be room for improvement.

Oh and 20 Mar 2010 (Sat) was the day of the NTU Band Concert!! :D (Just realized it's past midnight and it is already Sun. >.<) Haha I was very random... I kept taking pictures everywhere and well, I kinda 'stalked' the trumpet section of the band. They are so pro and I just couldn't help admiring them from where I was standing... which was from a distance away. I also went to look out for the section's section leader and observed the way he did things and took section warm-ups. Man, they were so in tune! I was really really thinking about coming out of the shadows and just going right up and requesting to take a picture of or with the section. But I didn't 'cos then it would really be stalking and fangirling??!

Then when I least expected it, the section leader came to us and asked who the section leader was. :D I didn't know it then (since I can't see myself) but my friend told me, "No wonder you looked so happy." Hehe >.< Anyway, he was asking if it was ok for their section to leave their stuff on stage when it was our turn to perform. Well, I agreed. I mean, who couldn't when the guy was so friendly and enthu? Haha and he was so nice as to actually come up to us first and ask us if it was alright. :D Then that same friend nudged me to ask to take a photo but I still didn't. To cut a long story short, that was the last chance I had to do so but I didn't grasp that opportunity. Haiz.... but it is ok. :D

Then came the time for us to go on stage and shine! :D Well, there were mistakes and hiccups but I'm still pleased with our performance considering what a long we have come since the very beginning. (Yeah I reached most of my high notes and with power too! :D Yeah...) So I hope that despite the tears and all, I want my batch mates and my juniors to know how proud I am of them.

Speaking of tears, I felt so helpless and sad when my dear sb spent the whole bus ride back to school crying. She seemed so far and I really didn't know what to do or how to react to that. Wanted so much for her to know that I'm there for her, if she would open up to me... >.< I'm glad she finally did. It seems that I understand how she feels... hope she trusts me more now?

Ok, back to happy things... know why I chose "Fly High" as the title? Well, it's one of the songs in our Cadenza XII repertoir and haha it's an inside joke between me and AJ :D Oh but it can also be taken literally. :D Haha yup, it seemed like an appropriate title, considering that we had to believe in ourselves and fly high and soar for our performance with Mr Yagisawa! :D Haha I had a really great and awesomely unforgettable day. I'm sure Cadenza XII this year will likewise be boomz, meaningful and truly unforgettable. After all, it's our last Cadenza (for bandettes) and it is our only Cadenza with RGSSB'10. :D And lastly, we would really appreciate everyone's support so do come buy tickets! <3 Let's fly high together, shall we?

Peer Support Sharing 2010!

2010-03-16T22:38:00.002+08:00

Hey yo! PSS 2010 was awesome! :D I really learnt a lot from the whole experience, especially facilitation skills and what the peer support boards in the other schools do or run things. And I love our group! MARTIN LUTHER KING JR. was so totally awesome! <3 Thanks goes out to the cool members (in no particular order) Lidiya, Jing Hao, Yunru, Lynette, Lee Jiang, Shaun, Isdi, Xenia and Ben. :D

I really learnt a lot about facilitation here because when we facilitate discussions during the Sec 1s' PSL sessions, they are younger than us, they are our juniors, so they will tend to look up to us more and listen to us? O.o Hmm... but this is different. Sec 4s we may be but we are here to share our leadership expereinces on equal platforms and that's the kind of facilitation we are involved in. I'm glad to say that King responded quite well near the end, considering they were a really quiet group (except for Ben lol) initially. Haha :D Oh and I really liked some of the ideas and initiatives that the other schools have. Hope we can have and implement them soon! Banana Day, here we come! :D

Well, it's hard to say what sort of impact we have made on the participants (since we're not them) but I do hope they have gained a lot form the whole experience. Hope they will keep the quotes we have prepared specially for them! >.< Like I said, this is a sharing (equals as leaders in our respective schools) so I have likewise gained a lot, if my message is not clearly conveyed yet. XP Just a pity we only had one day of PSS to bond... and we didn't manage to go for a group dinner. You know what? If we did, we would be having a King's feast! Yeah! :D

I also can't find all of them on Facebook so if they do find me, I hope they will add me! :D Haha I wonder what sort of facil I have been... not sure if I was good enough... but anyway, I couldn't have done all this without the help of my fellow co-facil Sam Cheong! :D Yup, you are a very important person and I bet King really missed you when you were station mistress. :D

Ok, so to end off, here's our group cheer! Haha only one comment here: would be better if you could hear us! :D

Can we do it? YEAH!
Who are we? KING!
What do we have? A DREAM!
5, 6, 7, 8
There was a man named Martin, and Martin was a King. And Martin King met
Luther, and became Martin Luther King! Yeah.... :D

Love you all forever! Please keep in contact yo! :D

I have a dream ~ Martin Luther King Jr.

20 things I hate about myself

2010-03-12T23:28:00.004+08:00

Hi all! It's been ages since I last wrote a blog post. Ok, so why 27 things I hate about myself? Self-reflection and well... my best friend AC gave me the inspiration for this particular post. She said something which made me think... why is it easier to say things we hate about ourselves and more difficult to say things we like about ourselves? Well, I'm not sure but I agree with her and I'm sure many people feel that way too, including me. Anyway, about the self-reflection part, all I can say is that let's see how accurate I am and if you have any comments (like you agree and how I can change), feel free to post them. :D Here goes...

27 things I hate about myself

1. I procrastinate a lot.
2. I say it but don't walk the talk.
3. I break promises.
4. I lack self-control.
5. I lack situational awareness.
6. I am easily impressed.
7. I am very gullible.
8. I need to be more serious.
9. I am not a good role model.
10. My best is not good enough.
11. I find excuses for myself.
12. I often come late for meetings etc.
13. I waste time.
14. I sleep in class.
15. I don't treasure enough what is in front of me.
16. I go with the flow too much.
17. I over-rely on my intuition and feelings.
18. I don't work hard enough.
19. I neglect my family because of school.
20. I cannot play the piano.
21. I'm a jack of all trades but a master of none.
22. I am always the last to know of something important.
23. I lack talents and natural attributes.
24. I have low self-confidence.
25. I fan-girl a lot in what is otherwise unreal.
26. I am easily impressionable.
27. I don't grab hold of opportunities that come my way

You know what? I think the list can actually go on. Haha if you think I made a mistake in my title in saying "20 things", think again. Yes, my original number was 20 points, but then it went to 25 points and I suddenly thought of two last ones and added them in and it became 27 points. Yup, it proved my point... so easy to say why I hate myself... there it is, all my inner thoughts exposed above... the truth and nothing but the truth about how I feel about myself. It also reflects how it is human nature to pursue perfection... Ok, it does not mean I really hate myself. I know that nobody is perfect (we try to pursue perfection but it does not really exist) but I hope that through realizing my shortcomings, I can learn to become a better person (virtue ethics >.<). The important thing is embracing the truth and that is what I will do. :D Wish me luck!

On a side note...

Ni ryari izuba, Rizagaruka, Hejuru yacu,
Ni nd' uzaricyeza ricyeza.
[When will the sun return above us?]
[Who will reveal it once again to us?]

Time to love and stop the hate. Arms are for hugging, not for destroying. Peace to those part of the Rwanda Genocide, the Holocaust, the Khmer Rouge and all the cruelty in the world...

Where is the love?

2010-02-22T22:19:00.003+08:00

Hey! Today, I encountered something truly horrific, insentitive and immature. You see, the RCY people in our class were asking our classmates for donations that will go towards the Red Cross Fund but not everyone was responsive. So I thought I could help them publicise and get more people to donate... I guess I was pretty stupid and blah when I started singing "Heal the World" and "We are the World" by Michale Jackson 'cos I was in for a rude shock. My friend (whom I have kindly decided not to name at all, not even the initials) told me, "Can you shut up?"

What sort of response is that? I felt so angry and insulted. It's not just about me but the values I believe in. I mean, where is your compassion? Where is the love? We take the things we have for granted... humans are by nature selfish creatures... there is extreme poverty in many parts of the world but are we just going to do nothing about it? Are we fit to be called humans? To be literally at the top of the food chain, of everything? Sorry if I sound harsh but I guess I'm really angry at the audacity of people nowadays who just brush these things aside like they are so far away. The truth is, these problems are real and they exist and they are nearer to home than we may have initially thought.

I admit I make the very same mistakes I have mentioned but I try to change and I want to see change. I know as an individual, I can't do much but no contribution is too small. If the donation tin is in front of me and within my reach (thanks to the RCY people who made it so convenient for us :D), I will donate. I guess OSL kinda made this impact on me and really, if you have not changed after OSL (for those who went to Cambodia), what have you been doing with your life? OSL has really opened my eyes and I have not forgotten my dear godbrothers who have showed so much more human-ness in them than some of the so-called more educated people I know.

Ok, this is not meant to offend. I apologise if I have unconsciously done so. >.< I just want to bring to light some of my personal observations and reflections and though you may not totally agree with me, I am sure that there is still some degree of truth in my words.

Show us where the love has gone and guide those who are lost.

Xiongdi to xiongdi

2010-02-13T23:26:00.003+08:00

Hey yo! I just had an outing with my xiongdi JC today. Hah he looks the same except for his new hairstyle lol :D It was fun! We watch "Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief" and played at the arcade for a while (man I was so lousy >.<). Haha :D JC said I stoned during the movie until I suddenly said at the end that his friend was the first to run out the exit?? haha and I thought he was the one stoning. >.<

Yeah I felt so paiseh I made my xiongdi wait... sigh... and I forgot to bring the friendship band I wanted to give him... and I forgot to mention it too.. >.< Oh dear. I guess I'll bring it next time? hehe

Yeah I'm really glad I have such a cool and awesome xiongdi! The best one I never had (lol I don't have an older brother)!!! Yay! :) Yeah hope we will never forget each other and that our friendship will last yo. :D Yup, so here's a little something interesting:

Subject : Just for you!

Hi xiongdi!

sorry if I'm unable to chat with you sometimes or I'm busy with school-related stuff... here's something specially for you! Hope it gives you encouragement for your basketball competitions and also for your O Levels this year. Jiayou all the way! Xiongdi will be here for you whenever you need a listening ear, a shoulder to lean on or just a friend to be there for you! (Btw, I thought of this on the bus home, so I apologise if it's weird... >.<)

J - Jiayou jiayou my dear xiongdi
O - On your way to victory
N - Never give up, never rest
A - Always do your very best
T - Though the goal may seem so far,
H - Have faith that you'll be a star
A - Anytime you need a friend
N - No doubt I'll have prayers to send

C - Come on Vuze, do me proud
H - Heavens are clear without a cloud
A - Angels look upon you now
N - Nothing less than BOOM BOOM POW!

The difference between ordinary and extraordinary is that little extra. ~Jimmy Johnson
The difference between try and triumph is a little umph. ~Author Unknown

Love,
your xiongdi
Shelley

Subject: Thanks so much for the support that you've given me

Heyyyyyyyy xiongdi,Sorry for replying this msg late uhh,i bet ur life now is really hectic right?
hmm,i'm not that smart enough to think something as good as what u have sent me,but i want to hope that this year will be a meaningful year for both of us and i hope that we are given the chance,to go cambodia osl again and relieve the old days>.< i really miss those days alot now..
And even though i'm taking my olvls this year,u too,have ur exams,so i'll pray for ur studies and band.And most importantly you have to take care of yourself uh,sleep early at night,and eat well.
But if u need someone to talk to,or maybe a shoulder to lean on(my shoulder is kinda hard,better not),i'll try my utmost to be there for u(cos i'm not bat(bad)man,or neither am i spiderman(shi bai de man)but i'll be there MOST of the time),so u know the no. to call when u're feeling down and once u've called this no. ,u will be high in no time!
And once i complete my drum training,i'll surely try my best to dedicate a song for u uh,cos u're the best xiongdi i've ever had,this is the first time of my life whereby someone sends an encouraging email to me so that i'll have drive to keep it going,and u truly are MY BEST FRIEND EVER.
And if u are really busy,just say the word,i'll TRY not to disturb u(i'll try to cos sometimes i'm really random),and lastly,thanks for the precious mail that u have sent me,i'll definitely keep it.RMB TO SLEEP EARLY AH!!!!

Love,
your xiongdi TOO
Jon.Vuze

SMS sent on 06-Feb-2010, 9.55pm

HoHO, someone's b'day is in a few hours only ah...
Hahas...
I wanna wish you an early happy b'day and this is for you.

S - always smile, dun ever feel sad
H - heaven's blessing will always be on you
E - everything you do shall be appreciated
L - love that is everlasting from the lord for you
L - lighthearted you shall be
E - elated I am to be your friend
Y - you are the best xiongdi I ever had

HAPPY 16th B'DAY SHELLEY!!! :) :) :)

I'll always remember these sweet memories, especially the OSL ones. :D
Thanks for always being there! (you were the first to wish me a happy birthday too! thanks!)

From me to you
Xiongdi to xiongdi

Just FAW you!

2010-02-13T23:08:00.002+08:00

Hi all! We just had a tiring but totally awesome Friendship and Appreciation Week! :D Hehe thanks and appreciation goes out to the FAW OT for their cooperation, passion, enthusiasm and just being ever-ready to rise to the occasion. Thanks for taking our feedback and comments so bravely, even when you guys knew that it meant changes... some of which were major! >.< But EAS Appreciation was good and I'm sure the EAS people really appreciated our appreciation for them. It's always the little things that matter the most (see my profile at the top :D) Yup and I wanna thank SS, JH, GO and JC for their support... for being there to help me and just hear my troubles. :D

Yay! I managed to take a polariod picture with JY and her sister JY (haha sorry man... same initials... >.<)!! It's a pity TY couldn't be there but she's also a very good friend of mine. Well, I didn't manage to go crash 105'10 or 212'10 because of my involvement in FAW but I will crash soon! :D Oh and Dawn's going back to New Zealand!!! Hope I can go see her off at the airport on Tuesday! :D We will miss you!

Hmm... if there's anything I learnt, I have learnt to appreciate more. I will certainly try my best to say 'thank you' more... even to strangers who hold doors open for us, give way to us or just aks how we are. :D It takes courage to a certain extent and I know that Singaporeans have been said to be 'unkind' but I know that's not the case. Sometimes, it takes someone to start it all and others will follow suit... 'cos we are always waiting for someone else to do it... but if everyone thinks that way, no one will ever do it. It only takes a spark to start a fire. How true :D

So my appeal to readers is to dare to be that person to say 'thank you' and appreciate other people first. PAY IT FORWARD!!! <3 Even if it seems nothing to you, it means the world to other person. :D

“To the world you may be just one person, but to one person you may be the world.”
~ Brandi Snyder

Just FAW you

Sweet Sixteen (070210)

2010-02-07T16:55:00.002+08:00

Hi all! Thanks to everybody who have given me their birthday wishes! I really really appreciate it! :D hehe this year, although it may be my sweet sixteen but I think that there's no need to go to all that boomz stuff with the frills. Keep it simple yo.... and you will find simple happiness. :D Happiness in simplicity and simplicity in happiness. :D Yup, so I managed to go out with my best friend today and just have a simple celebration outside. :D Thanks for the outing AC! :D And yesterday was Mr. M's wedding so congrats! :D It was kinda like an early birthday celebration for me (yay loggers outing! thanks! :D) and guess what? I will never ever forget his wedding anniversary... O.o Haha :D Have a blissful and joyful marriage Mr. M! :D

Ok, and I received Ben 10-related stuff which is so totally awesome! :D hehe but actually, there's no need for all the presents. It's the thought that counts and I'll be happy enough if you just give me a bit of your time to let me fangirl about Ben 10 or Avatar: The Last Airbender or Star Wars (and the list goes on... ) etc. to you. >.< lol

Yup, and talk about birthday luck! I managed to get a double promotion for my taekwondo yellow belt grading so.... I'm an official GREEN BELT! :D What an eventful day! :D And tomorrow is the start of Friendship and Appreciation Week (FAW) after weeks of preparation! :D Hope it will be awesome! :D

Yup, I'm just so happy today (except for the homework part)!!! One year older, so one year wiser? Haha I guess not. :D I'm a child at heart and I just hope I will never forget where I came from (Bio notes: I used to be zygote, then I underwent cleavage and became a foetus and later was born as a baby.... blah blah.... >.< haha just joking) and what I believe in. I find that a problem as we grow older.... I mean it in the sense that when I was younger, I used to tell myself I would never do a certain thing like adults do so but I find myself slowly and unconsciously doing what I said I wouldn't... I can't name them but I do get that awful feeling.... Hmm... at least this post will remind me of what I would have already forgotten when I read back one day!

So here's to me moving on to sixteen years old. :D Why is is Sweet Sixteen? I don't know but it has certainly been sweet! :D

The Final Goodbye - 230110

2010-01-24T03:16:00.004+08:00

A tribute to Ms Low Wailin

In memory of her legacy of love

I wish you enough "Hello"s to get you through the final "Goodbye."

230110

23rd January 2010

It's the big and important day. I had mixed feelings and didn't know what to say... it's a new beginning definitely and we will have to carry on with our lives and carry on the legacy of love that our beloved teacher Ms Low Wailin has left for us. She always smiled and was bubbly... never angry at anyone... no one was bad in her eyes... and she saw the best in everybody, including me.

I remember a post about "Saying goodbye" (August 2009) that I wrote last year. To me, it's always a difficult thing to do to have to say 'goodbye'... this time, it is the final one. Well, I'm sure she is very happy wherever she may be, amongst the angels... and she would defintely like to see all of us smiling and feeling happy... We should really celebrate her life, her contributions, her love and not feel sad that she had to leave us. As the famous quote by Dr Seuss goes, "Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." May her life story always inspire us to do our best, embody our best and be our best... to open our hearts to let everyone in and share the immense love within us. :D

As she used to say, "Once a PSL, always a PSL." No doubt she loved her students and of course the PSB family too... As I was leaving home for school, I put on my PSL badge instead of the SPSL one. Why? Just a feeling I guess. PSB'09 was given the honour to attend and I felt it was only appropriate to do what I did. Well, I also brought along my shell keychain. I wanted to leave something precious and special. It's nothing much but it's personal and it has been hanging on my bag for quite a while already :D I hope she will like and appreciate it.

Actually, I didn't have the chance to go to her wake (with school mates or classmates) on Thursday (21/1) because of CCA trials - I was needed. And on Friday (22/1), I had OSL Parents' Meet and loggers had to buy stuff for it. But I felt that there would not be a proper closure for me if I did not go and see her... and I lived nearby too. It was just something I had to do. And so, with my mother's and grandmother's support, I bravely made my way to the void deck of Blk 273 Bangkit Road alone... without friends or classmates. I thought I could handle it but I started to cry the moment I stepped out of the car. Upon arrival, I was brought to Ms Low Wailin's husband and I just want to say that he's a very strong man. I couldn't stop crying and I'm really sorry to have made it difficult him. He had tears in his eyes but he never once shed them. Instead, he looked at me straight in the eye and said how Ms Low Wailin would like me to study hard.

On Sat (23/1), we went to her cremation as PSB'09 and I guess with the support of the board, it helped to ease the pain and sorrow. I didn't cry as much but I ached badly on the inside. But although I was aching on the inside, I could not find a way to let it all out. Eventually, I managed to sort things out and I want to be happy for my dearest teacher. And to Ms Low Wailin, I'm sorry I broke my promise... I know I said I would not cry anymore but I still did... Don't worry though, because I have cried for the last time. I will always smile as I think back about the times we had together. :D

Rest in Peace
This is the Final Goodbye...

A tribute to Ms Low Wailin
In memory of her legacy of love
230110

Paradoxical Leadership

2010-01-24T02:37:00.002+08:00

Hi there! On Friday, we had a talk about leadership development in school and that got me thinking... what defines a true leader? The qualities, character, and values? Well, they say that anyone can be a leader and I do agree. Times have chabged and so has the meaning of leadership. I mean, everyone has the ability to influence another and it is influence that shows how you can lead. For me, I doubt I have that kind of influence... this has me thinking about what Mr DL said... he said that the people holding positions might not be able to stand in front of the class and get the attention of the class but a true leader, even one without a position, might be able to do so. I feel that I belong in the first group... but I believe I was different when I was in P3 or so. Things started to change in P4 I think.

So what happened? I'm not exactly sure how the change came about but it had something to do with my self-confidence... >.<>.<) so I guess I just started to tone down a lot. It was drastic and I lost confidence in myself... Now, I don't like to stand in front of people and lead them... I'm like a "I'll walk with you, not in front of you to lead you" sort of person I think...? When people actually start to listen to me, I'm like "my ideas are probably not that good anyway... maybe yours will work." I dunno... when I manage to achieve sometihng, I will be like "Oh am I even good enough? Are you sure they didn't make a mistake?" While people will eagerly jump into everything, I would be doubting myself and holding back... but this is usually not the case when I'm like behind-the-scenes or something... why do I feel that I'm not good enough when it comes to these kind of stuff? Why? What can I do to change that? What difference can I make?

Sigh... I don't have the answers yet but I hope I'm improving. I've been given the chance to be an SPSL and will make the best out of it :D Ms LWL would like that. After all, she always saw the best in me and gave me this opportunity to grow. Thank you! :D Oh, this whole topic also reminds me of Han Solo if you don't mind me saying... he is a great leader indeed. :D I think that whenever I'm in doubt, I should ask myself, "What would Han Solo do?" haha lol :P Ok ok... I guess that I want to please eveyone also but that can't happen. Whatever you do, there will be people who agree or disagree with you. You can't make everyone happy. As long as you feel you are doing something right, then it's should be ok... anyway, leadership is risky business. Sometimes, the captain might not alwats know where he's heading the ship? Hmm... and what is right night not always be popular... or rather, what is popular might not always be right... yeah.... :D Haha ok, this has been a long post so I'll end with a little something I learned from the assembly talk (this is really meaningful and it's also about a PARADOX!):

The Paradoxes of Being a Servant-Leader

Strong enough to be weak
Successful enough to fail
Busy enough to make time
Wise enough to say “I don’t know”
Serious enough to laugh
Rich enough to be poor
Right enough to say “I am wrong”
Compassionate enough to discipline
Mature enough to be childlike
Important enough to be last
Planned enough to be spontaneous
Controlled enough to be flexible
Free enough to endure captivity
Knowledgeable enough to ask questions
Loving enough to be angry
Great enough to be anonymous
Responsible enough to play
Assured enough to be rejected
Victorious enough to lose
Industrious enough to relax
Leading enough to serve

Retrieved from: http://www.supportedliving.com/members/members_pdfs/newsletters/2009-07_CSLN_News30_web.pdf

F.A.I.L

2010-01-24T01:54:00.003+08:00

Hi there! Ok... I know I sound so like sad but it's just the title lah... to me, I think that to F.A.I.L is to Fall And Improve Later. ok, a bit weird but failure is the mother of success so I will have other opportunities in the future. I'm just not ready for it now or it's not the path I'm supposed to take. So what happened? I didn't get selected for OSL mentorship... sigh... time to remove it from my wishlist. Oh but don't take it the wrong way. I expected it and am not sad at all. Disappointed in myself, yes, but not sad or angry. I feel that there was so much more I could have done but did not reach my full potential. Oh well, I guess I am indeed having too many commitments. Once again, I didn't sleep early, except for Friday night after the OSL Parents' Meet. Haha something fateful happened on that day... you will know later... >.< Yup, so what can I do now? Where do I go from here? Well, I would like to join Project FAB. Will be another great experience I'm sure! :D

Well, I received a letter from ZT and got feedback which I appreciate but still... I know I'm random and weird and get bursts of hyperness but that doesn't mean I don't reflect well. I just don't reflect well on paper (partly the reason I blog online and not write a diary on pen and paper... my thoughts come faster than my hand can write them... oops >.<) I know I also add in lots of weird emotions and whatever but this is how I do things. I mean I can change but it wouldn't exactly be me, right? Well, sincerity is also not enough... I mean, it's not enough to show, but you gotta do too. Like what Master Yoda told Luke, "Try not. Do... or do not. There is no try." And I guess I really could have done more, done better, so I'm disappointed in myself but I still have faith in the purpose of OSL and the mentors who will be going for OSL this year. Good luck! :D Well, I tried but it obviously wasn't good enough... wasn't what they wanted. I just hope that I won't forget my OSL experience. Oh this reminds me... sorry but no more posts about the trip as I promised. I was looking through my reflections and felt that it would be different, you know, typing it out...

Oh yeah, ZT spelt my name wrongly... This. Is. So. Infuriating. Ok, I mean this is not the first time and I've actually gotten used to it but it shows how unimportant I am... how insignificant that the my name, an integral part of my identity, can be spelt wrongly. Even my xiongdi, whom I've known only since the OSL trip can spell my name right. (haha congrats yo if you're seeing this!) lol... haha so sorry for that just now. I shouldn't mull over it anymore. Positive outlook on life yo! :D

Failed, I have... but F.A.I.L is what I'm gonna do. Stay happy! :D

If you're doing your best, you won't have any time to worry about failure.
~Quoted in P.S. I Love You, compiled by H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
~Thomas Edison

There is no failure except in no longer trying.
~Elbert Hubbard

Try again. Fail again. Fail better.
~Samuel Beckett

Notice the difference between what happens when a man says to himself, "I have failed three times," and what happens when he says, "I am a failure."
~S.I. Hayakawa

You can't have any successes unless you can accept failure.
~George Cukor

Nothing fails like success because we don't learn from it. We learn only from failure.
~Kenneth Boudling

Failure doesn't mean you are a failure... it just means you haven't succeeded yet.
~Robert Schuller

http://quotegarden.com/failure.html

Sweet Memories - 190110

2010-01-20T23:14:00.004+08:00

I just wanna dedicate this special song for my special friend.
May she always be happy, where ever she is. :D

Dedication

We have shared our morning days
And gone through all rainy nights
Even in the darkest of nights
Stars still light up our way

Tomorrow is a beautiful dream
A dream that will be fulfuilled
Cross the bridge of the rainbow
In search of the gold

For here we stand (For here we stand)
Our dearest friend (Our dearest friend)
Sincerely from our hearts we wish (From our hearts we wish)
May streams of sunlight shine like rays of hope (shine like rays of HOPE)

Hand in hand,
We work and strive for the best things in life...

She saw the best in me... and raised me up when I could not stand on the shoulders of giants :D Thank you for the sweet memories... 190110

Taekwondo Yellow belt Grading - Best of both worlds

2010-01-17T20:10:00.004+08:00

Hey! I had my Yellow Belt Taekwondo Grading today and well, I hope I did well enough to get a double promotion. But I have a feeling I won't... I haven't been practising regularly... >.< Oh well, there's always another time. :D Ahh!! I wanna go for a taekwondo tournament! It'd be so cool and I love sparring!!! Oh, a lot of junior blackbelts went for ther grading today and it was so awesome watching them! Still epic yo! Like the previous grading too. :D Yup, amd we saw the MILLION bus again! (PA4000D) Remember this bus company? Lol, see my post in Oct 2009 (when I had my previous grading. :D)

Ok, so why did this title? Well, today, I got to know more about 2 people today and I think that they're very nice. One of them is my JC senior too! In JC 1 this year :D Oh well, guess like it's fate that we should run into each other. I do hope we will have fun together! :D

Yeah... and I have been like fangirling a lot about Star Wars (first craze of the year, rmb? lol XP), especially Han Solo!!! Well, for the first 3 movies, it was about Obi-Wan and for movies 4, 5 and 6, it's about Han Solo. hehe :D sorry Obi-Wan! >.<>.<). Well, I just liked him. I didn't think much about the development of his character (I mean, who would?) or his character at all. It's only recently that I'm doing this... probably 'cos I'm older and 'cos of literature? Haha :D

Anyway, I realsied that Han Solo is so likeable because he has charm and he was portrayed very well by Harrison Ford who is also naturally handsome, charming and charismatic. hehe >.<>.<)! Ok ok, he's like so many things at the same time! A bad boy, yet a gentleman, wild yet tame, serious yet cool... probably more if I can gather my thoughts about him... :d It's like boomz! I have so many things to write about him and yet I can't think of them all at the same time yo! Oh, Han Solo, is also slick, loyal and a very caring and compassionate man. I mean, jealousy is seriously overrated these days. There was one part in Star Wars VI: A New Hope when he showed a little jealousy, but he had the courage to go up to Leia and apologise to her about his rash behaviour, which was so not him at all!!! It shows much love in him even if he denies it! XD Oh and when Leia said she loved Luke (as a sister), Han Solo said that he would not get in their way when Luke comes back... awww... so sweet right? I mean, what kind of guy would do all that? The kind of guy that is rare nowadays (and the kind I like :D) Ok ok I think this is too much info... >.< Anyway, with Han Solo, you get the best of both wolrds. :D

Oh and you know why I like Star Wars so much? (I realised that people nowadays don't really watch Star Wars 'cos they say it's boring, lame or not their kind of genre... generation gap? Aiyoh, must learn to appreicate lah... it's good) Well, come to think of it, there are elements of Ben 10 (sci-fi and aliens etc.) and Avatar: The Last Airbender (the Force and Jedi)... the best of both worlds indeed. :D

Ok, I need to go soon but I do hope this has been an interesting post. I'll definitely laugh the next time I read this. And guess what? Han Solo will always be my fave character in Star Wars (along with Obi-Wan of course and who can forget Yoda?) Oh and before I forget, here some important stuff...

Taekwondo Grading
Yellow Belt

Date: 17th January 2010 (Sunday)
Venue: Toa Payoh Sports Hall
Time: around 2.40pm to around 4pm

May the Force be with you.

Week II: tgif

2010-01-15T23:41:00.004+08:00

Hey there. Woah I think I need a timeout... life has been on fast-forward like literally. I know once had a post something like this too. Hehe :D Yup, so time to just take a break and reflect....
It's really terrible. I have not once been able to sleep early and follow my resolution... that's a really bad start to 2010 and it's already going to be the 3rd week of school. Or in another kind of tone, it is only the 3rd week of school and I can't possibly burn myself out so fast. >.<>.<) Oh and it's my dear sbm's birthday! Happy sweet sixteen KE! Hope you have a great year ahead. Yup, we celebrated her birthday for her in the band room and she was so touched she cried :D It was really heartwarming you know... more than words can say. yeah, I'm just sad that I'm not as close to her as an sbm should be. In fact, I felt like an extra with all the other people present. It's not like I don't know them or anything but I felt like an... outsider, if you don't mind my choice of words.... Haiz... so sad right? There yet invisible. Happy yet empty. Ok, this is not the place to emo.. lol :D yeah but I'm sure she had a great time seeing all her friends there celebrating her 16th birthday! Even if we are not that close, I hope that at least my presence there made her feel that I care for her too! :) That she is important to me too. :D Haha it made me wonder if anyone I know would go to that kind of extent to celebrate my birthday.. well, it's difficult I guess since my birthday this year is on a Sunday... >.< (My point: No school, probably will be 'forgotten', though not on purpose). Well, I mean when people remember your birthday, it means that they acknowldege your birth and existence in a more cheem aspect, right? Hehe :D Anyway, it's still ages before my birthday... Yeah, so Sec 1 Orientation 2010 has already ended and it was a blast!!! Love 105'10 and 105 CLASSICS!!! Will dedicate posts specially to it. Ok ok I know I still have my OSL'09 posts to go... >.<

Oh wait, I'm gonna have my next taekwondo grading soon! This Sunday on 17 Jan yo! Hope I can get a double promo this time? But what's the use of hoping and wishing?? Dear me... I barely practised. So sad... :( Sigh... oh but on the bright side, it's like the Star Wars season now. I mean this is the 1st time Channel 5 is showing all 6 movies in order!! So awesome man! haha Obi-Wan Kenobi, Yoda and Han Solo rock! :D Yup, so here's like my first craze of the year besides Ben 10 and Avatar: The Last Airbender... those are confirmed my classic faves liao... XD) May the Force be with you... I want to be a JEDI!!! lol XP Oh and on a more serious note, the results of the application for OSL mentorship will be out next Friday, 22 Jan. Wish me luck!

Haha, alright... anyway, I have updated the stuff I wanna achieve this year and that is to learn to more songs. Haha they are so funny! Precisely why I want to learn them... The Elements Song will be a killer but I wanna give it a shot, you know? Hehe XP

Yeah... I still have a lot of things to do but posting this is important to me too 'cos it helps me take stock of things... things I don't want to forget. Yup... so.... Remember to catch Star Wars!

May the Force be with you. :D

Another unexpected letter

2010-01-06T21:37:00.002+08:00

Hey guys! I received another letter today (6 Jan 2010)! Omg it's from JS, one of my OSL mentors. Again, I felt like crying again after reading it. What's wrong with me? Sigh... well, I know that JS is a VERY observant person but I never knew how much until today... about me being uncomfortable to be myself in Group 3 (don't worry I still love DREAM TEAM!) and all... again with all that senior-junior barrier. Bad experience in Sec 1 but I won't dwell on it anymore... 'Cos the important thing is how I am living my life now. :D I love it! Things may not always go the way you want it to but in the end, things always turn out fine. Sometimes, all we have to do is to learn to let go before we can find happiness and peace within ourselves? haha sorry for the cheem stuff. I dunno... but yeah... oh and this reminds me of Star Wars! Haha omg I want to be a Jedi and learn the ways of the Force! haha I am so thankful that for once, Channel 5 is showing the whole Star Wars saga in order! Yay!

Anyway, back to the point, I really appreciate how our OSL mentors really went to all that extent to send us their letters. It speaks much of their sincerity. Thank you mentors! Love you! Yeah... I always thought that JS is a scary person (ok, I'm not one to stereotype or anything) but I guess I'm just not that close to her. How I wish that I got to know her better, along with the other mentors like RY, MC, ZT, WY, JY etc. I guess I'm ok with DH. She's like the nicest and most approchable mentor! Not to put the others down or anything. >.<>.<> that I like and suddenly remembered. Tresaure what you have today and live your life with no regrets!

"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift, that's why it's called the present."

Live in the PRESENT and enjoy the GIFTS you are given TODAY!

Haha this reminds me of dismissal in Band. Present! (as in present for CCA :D) Yup, so I really hope I can be an OSL mentor and also have what it takes to take on this new and different role and embark on a whole new experience and journey. I want to be given the chance to impact others the way my mentors have impacted me. :D

Smile.

2010-01-05T23:21:00.010+08:00

Hi all! Official first day of school today. 5th Jan 2010! Met my new form and co-form teacher and just had a lot of fun. Yup, I really enjoyed myself even though I'm deadbeat now and keep dozing off once in a while. SLEEP oh glorious SLEEP! I'm so deprived... >.<>.<), new relationships and new lessons to be learnt etc.

Anyway, I just wanted to give you all a reason to smile today even though it is the dreaded first day of school for Sec 2-4s. There are many reasons to smile if you think about it. Things may not always go the way you want it to but in the process, you get a few laughs out of it. You have your family and your friends constantly supporting you even if you don't notice them, just like how the stars are always up in the sky though we may not always see them. Life is complicated and complex but there is always that simple joy we can find in the things we do. Yup, so here's like specially selected quotes from http://www.quotegarden.com/wise-words.html to start the school year on the right note! :D Btw, some of these quotes were also used for PSL session 2 (some Sec 1s from 105'10 may recognise them)

The difference between ordinary and extraordinary is that little extra. ~Jimmy Johnson
Face what you think you believe and you will be surprised. ~William Hale White
Look at everything as though you were seeing it either for the first or last time. ~Betty Smith, A Tree Grows in Brooklyn
Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted. ~John Lennon
Have a heart that never hardens, a temper that never tires, a touch that never hurts. ~Charles Dickens
When you start treating people like people, they become people. ~Paul Vitale
Half the failures in life arise from pulling in the horse as he is leaping. ~Augustus William Hare and Julius Charles Hare, Guesses at Truth, by Two Brothers, 1827
Giving up doesn't always mean you are weak. Sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go. ~Author Unknown
Promise only what you can deliver. Then deliver more than you promise. ~Author Unknown
Life is like riding a bicycle - in order to keep your balance, you must keep moving. ~Albert Einstein
The best way to predict your future is to create it. ~Peter Drucker
You've got to do your own growing, no matter how tall your grandfather was. ~Irish Proverb
It's all right letting yourself go as long as you can let yourself back. ~Mick Jagger
Sometimes the only way you can take a really good look at yourself is through somebody else's eyes. ~From the television show Scrubs
Sometimes the best way to hold onto something is to let it go. ~Author Unknown

Hey there sorry to come in the middle... but this quote reminded me of a story that my principal in Primary school told us one hall assembly. It was a beautiful story of a guy and this butterfly... except the butterfly was still in a crysalis. it had yet to spread its wings and fly. So what happened? The guy walked past and notcied that the butterfly was in the midst of coming out of its cacoon. Well, it was half-way out... and the guys thought that he might give it a little help. He went to get a pair if scissors and gingerly and carefully cut open the cacoon. Soon, the butterfly was out! The guys held it in his hands and raised to the sky, pushing it forward to fly. But... it was unable to.... the guy had accidentally cut off a bit of its wings... and so it had crawl on the ground. No matter how much it struggled to fly, it was no longer able to do so and the guy could feel nothing for regret for his haste. Sometimes, we need to be more patient... 'cos some things cannot be rushed and they need time. (sorry the story doesn't sound inspirational in my own words >.<)Yup... there is also another story about the guy who wanted to catch a butterfly. He succeeded and cupped the butterfly in his hands. But when he opened it, he realised that the butterfly could no longer fly... 'cos in his excitement, he had crushed the wings of the butterfly... Yup, so as the quote goes, "Sometimes the best way to hold onto something is to let it go". The butterfly is meant to spread its wings and fly... soar. It is beautiful when we see it fluttering in the sky and many a time, we would like to just hold in it our hands. But when we do, we sometimes find that we destroy it. So learning to let go is indeed the best way to hold onto something... the best way to be able to keep seeing the butterfly fluttering in the breeze...

Give thanks for what you are now, and keep fighting for what you want to be tomorrow. ~Fernanda Miramontes-Landeros
There is a time for departure even when there's no certain place to go. ~Tennessee Williams (Thomas Lanier)
Don't look where you fall, but where you slipped. ~African Proverb
The important thing is this: To be able at any moment to sacrifice that which we are for what we could become. ~Charles DuBois
I thought growing up was something that happened automatically as you got older. But it turns out it's something you have to choose to do. ~From the television show Scrubs

Enjoy the rest of the year ahead! 2010 WILL be a good year yo!

A look at 2009... Reminiscence

2010-01-02T17:09:00.003+08:00

Hey yo! I realised I haven't really done a proper round up of 2009.. it's been about 2010 and all but it's still important to look back and think of what has happened, yeah? Haha so here goes...

Random moments and unforgettable memories in 2009

Jie: Kim Chi Fever engulfs Asia. LOL
Gerald: Gecko... like a treeko... qikerlog (???)
Shannon: shelley shelley shelley shelley... [rec in phone] haha
Papa: Billabong billabong billa-bong-BING-bong!
Mummy: I'm coming home soon! At the bus stop already!
302'09: Boom boom boom BOOMZ!
CATS'10: Poof! New year resolution - join the brisk walking club... got benefits :P
Batch 10 brasses: Bobo fishballs exist! Viva la vida :) ta shi hai dao LOL
RGSSB: I got rhythm! *box steps*
LOGGERS: *watching sunrise* san zhi lao hu...
Group 3: Dream Team!
OSL: Udorm!!! VUST gang! >.< Anya misses you all and still thinks of you guys every day!
VINES: *digress digress* >.<
SPSB;10: SPSBoomz! :D We are pau-werful!
Ben 10 fans: We Ben 10 fans have Ben 10 fans! 2010 is Ben 10 year!! Whoo! :D
To everyone else: 2012... here we come... just 2 more years...

haha hope that was interesting. Just some snippets of my life with the people I have interacted with :D so got inside jokes >.< haha :D Okay, so here are some milestones in 2009 (wow it really brings back memories... not in any order)

1. SYF 2009
2. PSB'09 journey
3. Having the chance to be an SPSL
4. Having the chance to be CATS section leader for 2 years
5. VINES going for CmPS National Finals when we thought we could not
6. OSL'09 journey and experience
7. Being in OSL logistics comm 2009
8. Having the chance to go to Cambodia
9. Having met the VUST gang and many other wonderful Cambodians
10. 'Adopting' 4 godbrothers
11. RGS Nite (Arts Fest) and our wonderful RGSSB formation
12. Having been part of a wonderful class 302'09!!!
13. Having met Ben 10 and Avatar: The Last Airbender fans
14. Getting my Ben 10 fan :D
15. Having had great teachers teach me
16. Having met many new friends that I can count on

Oh and here's the list of my fave stuff and stuff I have fangirled >.< on this year (not in any order):

1. Sokka
2. Avatar: The Last Airbender
3. Ben 10
4. Ouyang Ke
5. Mr Knightley
6. Emma (the book by Jane Austen)
7. Dr. House
8. House (the series)
9. Blake Ritson
10. Jae Hee - Chae Moo Ryong
11. VUST gang
12. UDORM!!!
13. Marc and Amanda (Ugly Betty)
14. "Low" by Flo Rida
15. "Day by Day" from Witch Yoo Hee OST
16. "Nobody" by the Wondergirls!
17. Obsession with Khmer (esp. the Khmer alphabet >.<)

The rest include Dr. Carlisle Cullen (in the movie), Hugh Laurie, Jeremy Northam, Keanu Reeves, Capt. Jack Sparrow, Spiderman and Michael Urie. LOL I didn't fangirl but I just thought that they deserved some sort of honourable mention >.< Haha that's a lot right? aiyoh... what sort of gal am I?

Oh and this morning, when I read the newspaper, this writer, Tee Hun Ching, wrote something that caught my eye:

"While nostalgia is often dismissed as an affliction of the old, psychologists from Loyola University Chicago, told Psychology Today magazine that the occasional detour down memory lane can give one 'a sense of being rooted, sense of meaning and purpose - instead of being blown around by whims of everyday life'. The key, though, is not to dwell on the past but use reminiscence 'as part of a cycle that includes savouring the present and looking forward to the future'.... So as we embark on a new year - and decade - you might want to reflect on a happy old year, then embrace whatever the next 12 months may throw at you."

Yup hope you enjoyed this post as much as I have enjoyed writing it! I bet I'll have a good laugh (and some nostalgia too) over it when I read it next year or many years down the road. Yup and that was a look at 2009 for me... :D

For the mind, heart and soul

2010-01-02T01:01:00.005+08:00

Hey! Just thought I'd leave some of my friends who read my blog (I would know who LOL) some words of advice. More meaningful quotes actually! Haha I found them like last year (which is 2009 if some are still not used to it >.<) but lost them (one of the moments when I failed in my new year resolution last year...) but then I found them again somewhere in my organized mess (see? it wasn't a total fail... LOL) :D Enjoy!

He who knows and knows he knows
He is wise
Follow him

He who knows and knows not he knows
He is asleep
Wake up

He who knows not and learns he knows not
He is simple
Teach him

He who knows not and knows not he knows not
He is a fool
Shun him

I am what I am
I am not what you think I am
If I am what you think I am
Then I am not what I am

Ok, a bit deep but still meaningful :D In my own simple words, I think it teaches you what kind of person you can be and how you can change. And the last part is about your identity, about how if you become what people portray you to be, you kinda lose yourself and you are not what you are or who you are. Yup :) Hope you have learnt something... and it will help you through 2010, along with all the quotes I have ever posted yo! LOL sorry a bit zi kua but I just wanna leave you all with something for the mind, heart and soul.

Anya still misses her godbrothers and will never forget them ever! Hope I can be an OSL mentor and go back to Cambodia to see them! Sok An Samrong High School in Samrong district and Knav commune (I think.. >.<) and Takeo Province! :D

Welcome change in 2010!

2010-01-01T23:23:00.003+08:00

Hi there! Wow it's already 2010! HAPPY NEW YEAR! Make sure when you go back to school, remember to write 2010 on your worksheets instead of 2009 and say "this year" (not "next year") when you mean 2010 and "last year" (not "this year") when you mean 2009! Wow Sec 4 already.... top batch man... not too sure if I can pull it off and survive. Haha >.<

Well, a New Year means change and of course, (who can forget?) a New Year Resolution! :D Okay, I know a lot of people make New Year Resolutions but will probably forget it some time in the middle of the year... well, I didn't forget last year's resolution. :D It was simply, to be more organized and to be more confident in the things I do. So how? I think I did improve on being more organized? Haha. I take better notes now and file better! :D LOL As for the confidence part, there's improvement but more can still be done I guess... so what's my New Year Resolution for this year? Well, I have a few more this time but they are still short and sweet and quite achievable!

More self-discipline. Okay, that means less procrastination and it also means I must sleep earlier and not get distracted by facebook or chat (sorry G-boi! But I'll still motivate you!). >.<>.< Haha and when I’m free such on the bus, I should read more of my school notes, do daily revision, or read newspapers (what? Educational you know!) Yup, daily revision would be good. :D Can learn better. Yup, I’ll keep that in mind… oh and plan for the next day too! :D

Being more efficient. Again, less procrastination. Doing work when it has to be done and doing it in a faster and more systematic way. Don't take your own sweet time with things!
Improving on last year's resolution. Yup, this is still applicable and it will really help me in achieving this year's resolution.

Not forgetting where I come from. I think that out of all the goals that I have set for myself, this is the most important one as it is about my character and the values that I believe in. I think that OSL has really impacted me and I don't want to forget. Even worse, I don't want to not be aware that I have even forgotten. I mean, now back in comfortable Singapore, I'm going back to my old ways and habits.... with the distractions and all.... I don't want to leave everything in Cambodia because I know that the memories and moments spent there have been very meaningful and valuable. :D It is not worth it... not doing justice to them if I do not learn from them... like what the teachers said about internalizing the lessons you have learnt. If you can teach someone, either through words or actions (by setting a good example and being a good role model, esp as seniors >.<), then it is a sign that you have truly learnt something. This reminds me... I'm super overdue with the OSL stuff I said I would post... >.<End of Jan 2010! (no procrastination!)

Okay, I mentioned about change just now so in terms of my character, I just want to be a happier and less ji jiao person! :D Like find happiness and enjoyment in the smallest and simplest things in life like what I have done in Cambodia (VUST gang!). Family and friends will always have a place in my heart, regardless of what I may choose do and the paths I would take. :D Well, to end off, here's a quote (yay! 1st meaningful quote of the year!):

"Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek." ~Barrack Obama

BE THE CHANGE YOU WANT TO SEE IN YOURSELF TODAY!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Have a meaningful and fruitful year ahead! Make the best out of everything you do!

An unexpected letter

2009-12-24T17:17:00.002+08:00

Hi! I just thought I would like to dedicate a post to RY, my OSL logger mentor! :D I think that she has always been there for us and well, it's just my problem I didn't see it earlier. I have always had a problem with seniors you know, like to me, there will always be that senior-junior barrier. Maybe it's just me or maybe it was the experience I had in Sec 1 with my trumpet directs. KC was fun and nice but WQ and VG were scary to me. I guess I maybe didn't maximise my potential back then was because instead of having the right mindset and attitude, I was trying so hard to gain my seniors' approval but in vain.... >.< I'm not sure if they had treated us differently that things would be better or anything but I can't use this as an excuse either.

Anyway, back to my point, RY is a great leader and I'm just sincerely hoping that I can impact others the way she (and not to mention the other OSL mentors also) has impacted me throughout my OSL experience this year. Know the main reason for this post? I just received a letter from her.... I wonder if that was why CY was asking for my home address... I wonder if those 2 should be linked in any way... LOL >.<>.< Personally and truthfully speaking, I never thought that that letter would be from her... so everything came as a shock... ok a surprise. :D

Well, you know what? I can't believe I actually cried reading her letter! :D Why would I do that? I mean, I cried many times during OSL trip to Cambodia (will write more about it soon) but why here? Why now? Either I'm very weak or whatever is in the letter is true, which it is, or it's both of the options. So the main question is, have I really learnt from the OSL journey? I know we did this during one team facil but now back in Singapore, can we really make sure what we learnt actually stays despite all our commitments and distractions? Sigh... "who can say where the road goes.... only time?" That line btw came from Enya's song "Only Time". Sigh.... (again) But nonetheless, OSL has impacted me in a way I never knew possible... maybe that's why I cried? The memories of all I have been through with my friends? The times when I fell? The times I succeeded? The times when I felt so free for the first time in my life? The times when I felt I was here for a bigger purpose other than myself? The times.... Anya still misses and forever will miss her godbros. VUST gang I love you! <3

ANYA!
UDORM, VUTHA, SOPHEA & THEARA

A TRIBUTE TO RACHEL YEK
LOGGERS LOVE YOU <3
STOOPS YOU!

All things fun and random, I was there to experience it

2009-12-24T12:10:00.006+08:00

Hey! I really apologise for my super long post the other time. Haha :D This will be less serious. LOL Well, actually, I have going out on a lot of outings and they are all so fun!!! First, there was loggers outing! :D Same same but different.... but BETTER! So sad Ameli with an A accidentally deleted the photos we took at West Coast Park on 18 Dec 2009 (Friday)... >.< But it's ok yo! No one is to beat themselves up over it! I mean it! haha XP Oh and before that, we also had loggers breakfast at Macs outside Shaw (I think). Hmm... I think it was on 15 Dec 2009 (Tuesday). Haha my first time officially drinking a full cup of coffee. Know what? I doubt I would be addicted to it. Hehe.... really! So sad I had to leave for band practice soon after. Haha but it was fun nonetheless. :D

Oh and 3 days ago, we had OSL outing!! 21 Dec 2009 (Monday) was the date (and day) yo! :D haha I have been putting a lot of 'yo's behind my words and also saying it out loud in convos. Haha. XD That was very fun. While it was sad GO and I came late (SP PLAY movement meeting in the morning and later CmPS meeting for GO - I was waiting to go to East Coast Park with her), it was fun while everything lasted! Haha I learnt to ride a bike (yes I know... no childhood... >.<) and also some weird but fun board thingum. Called a waveboard I think. >.< Yay! DH! Our accomplishment of the day! :D hehe oh and Seaweed and Lonathan (aka G-boi and Vuze) was there too! So fun! So glad to see them there too and know what? Irritating G-boi kept scaring me LOL. Haha yes he's the person who has been chatting to me quite a lot. My entertainment... ok I'm not so bad lah.... my good friend (I wonder if he would consider it so?) and possibly a distant relative (same surname).

Yup and I went home with WT. I feel so ignorant.... I mean, I never knew she stayed in the same area as I do yo! Talk about S'pore being small. XD Anyway, we almost got lost on trhe bus back home (hehe >.<) but we still managed to find our way back. I hope she had fun like I did. We talked... about OSL stuff and OSL mentor stuff (I doubt I am capable of becoming one...) and well, heehee it was interesting.

Then guess what? I was just talking about my godbros when Theara smsed me!!! THEARA! You guys (VUST gang) have no idea how much I miss you! I really think of you guys everyday and pray for you to be safe. Oh Vutha also smsed me twice beofre this. VUTHA!! :D Maybe I'll post their smses on my blog one day. LOL Anya! :D (btw, I wrote this on my arm during PSB Gm 1 on 22 Dec 2009, Tue... hey I have been going to places almost every day yo!).

Yup so don't worry... I'm ending soon but don't you wanna find out why my title is as such? Ok maybe you don't but it's like this... ever seen this quote?

All things bright and beautiful,
All creatures great and small,
All things wise and wonderful,
The Lord God made them all.

I'm not a Christian but I still find this quote quite meaning so yeah.... I just kinda changed the words to make it more relevant to my experiences so far. Seriously, I was about to write "This is a random title 'cos I don't know what to name this post" but I decided not 'cos it's just too random and not meaningful enough and it does not have much relevance to everything. Remember, this blog is a journey for me. I don't want it to be totally slipshod or something...

That reminds me (ok sorry no link >.<), after Reporting Day yesterday, I came home with my whole body covered in rashes. Allergy or heat rash? I'm not sure either but I still have the rashes right now, today... as I'm writing this post. Haha :D Hope it won't ruin our annual X'Mas Eve family gathering tonite. Well, I doubt it will (I'm a happy person yo!) but it's just that it will bug (and itch me) yo! haha anyways, I'm looking forward to it! Merry Christmas Eve everyone! May you have a great time! :D

A new journey with a new purpose

2009-12-24T11:06:00.002+08:00

I can't believe that I haven't noticed it earlier but it's been about 5 months into my journey as an SPSL... we just received a recent email regarding this and how we should be taking this opportunity to step up as seniors and mentors to the J/PSLs. I seriously don't think I have been doing a good job of it. First, I need to be able to guide my juniors, right? But I'm not so sure I am capable of that, much less be able to do it right. I know that what we do as SPSLs will help guide the board towards the direction we want to head and the goal we want to achieve... am I taking it too slack-ly? You could say it's just me and my character but I want to grow and learn to become a better person and it does not stop just because I'm a senior or anything. Hmm... so...

What kind of mentor do I want to be? I want to be an approachable mentor that the juniors wouldn't mind talking to or confiding in... and the kind that gives the juniors a chance to shine and be who they want to be and who also has the humility to admit when they are wrong or when they don't really know. I also tihnk it's important to practise what I preach and may that guide me in balancing my commitments.

How will I be an effective mentor? I will learn from my past mistakes and not repeat them again and also take stock of my learning regularly (through reflecting and acting on it). I will learn to have more confidence and also listen to my juniors' concerns more. I also will learn to be more accountable for my actions and decisions and have trust, faith and believe in the people I'm working with (be it fellow SPSLs or J/PSLs). All that.... I have to do before I can truly be a mentor and if I want to be an effective mentor, I will have to go through with all these end... to have the determination to go all the way to the end. Only then can I be the best SPSL I want to be.

Given the capacity to set the direction of the board and lead it, am I happy with the progress/ changes thus far? How can I improve on it? I think that no matter what we do, there is always room for imporvement and while I can be happy with the progess or changes so far, I can also likewise strive for improvement. How? Once again, reflecting is very important. Only then can you really see and consequently improve on the areas with limitations. Of course, (2nd time writing this) practising what you preach is the simplest way you can start with. When you live by example and model the way, you are also guiding the juniors to follow your lead and you also seem more 'real' to them since they can really observe you and the outcomes of the changes you are making. It is to "Aspire to Inspire" and also to leave a legacy so the juniors can "Live the Legacy" and truly say "RGS: My Pride & My Joy". Haha :D Orientation themes! LOL

At the end of the journey, what do I want my PSLs to take away from their journey? I want my PSLs to take away what I have taken away and more. What have I taken away? Having more confidence in what I do (e.g. making decisions and speaking up), being more responsible and accountable for the things I do and learning to learn all over again (humilty). And more? Well, it is their journey... I can't really decide what they can learn or can't. I mean I can guide them but ultimately, it is them who the real stewards of their lives. Well, of course I want them to become a better person after everything.... one who can truly say the journey has been meaningful and that it has changed them but I also want them to be aware of what they have personally learnt... and not for them to depend on us to enforce the learning on them. I mean what is that? We are seniors... mentors but definitely not a dictator. We are there to guide them and I think that this new batch of J/PSLs understand our purpose there. It is for them and yet not totally for them. Haha LOL whatever am I saying?

Well, it is the same thing with being a section leader for CATS'10. But I have not been very involved with it (I need to learn to prioritize better) and I have been slacking during sectionals and section warm-ups... and the thing is, majority of my juniors are very nice and committed and hardworking so I really need to buck up.

Well, we had Reporting Day yesterday and it was my last one!!! I was a bit sad I didn't have to do a lot. Like it's time for the new J/PSLs to take up more responsibility. LOL. I think I'm a person who would like to personally be involved in the things I do. Hmm... I had fun nonetheless and I think that ReDOT deserves a pat on the back for such a smooth-sailing Reporting Day. Haha I'm too old to recognise anybody from RGPS and oh! I saw many prefect ambassadors from RGPS and I really really wanted to tell them how I was in the pioneer batch of prefect ambassadors. XD Haha but I didn't. >.<

In any sense, it will be my last year in RGS next year in 2010 and I want it to be a meaningful one with all my new responsibilities and with Cadenza coming up, and hopefully some TKD tournaments (Whoo!), I really hope to be able to make the best out of everything. :D Let's see how it goes yeah?

With great power comes great responsiblity
The choices we make today will decide our future
If your actions inspire others to DREAM more, LEARN more, DO more and BECOME more, then you are a great LEADER.

This is MY new journey with a new purpose.

Finally blogging again...

2009-12-14T11:09:00.005+08:00

Hi! I know I haven't been blogging for a while... but I'm back! I guess I'd probably be away again but I felt that so many things have happened, I better write them all down before I forget you know? Well, first of all, I didn't get my double promotion for TKD but at least I passed! So I'm now a yellow-belt! :D Yeah!

Oh I have also had some Jane Austen fever or something after reading the COMPLETE and UNABRIDGED version of EMMA!!! :D I read the abridged one when I was in P4 or P5 and I liked it. Now that I have grown and have read the original one, I LOVE IT! Haha :D Yup, to cut things short, I was very determined to watch the 1996 version of Emma with Gwyneth Paltrow and Jeremy Northam in it. Anyways, I succeeded after trying to get my hand on the CD from the school library and I also watched the 2009 BBC's adaption of this classic online. And it's very recent too! Came out early October... and I watched it mid-Oct! Haha S'pore is always later... but this time, I'm "early" and "updated"!! So cool right? And a few days ago, after weeks of trying to borrow the book "Emma and Knightley: Perfect Happiness in Highbury", I succeeded! Haha the person who borrowed before me took like ages to return it (at least that's how it seemed to me >.<) And the interesting part? I could have borrowed it earlier!!! I wanted to do so one day but I decided I could very well do so the next day and guess what? It was "Not on loan" the first day but I when I actually went to borrow, it was "On loan". Talk about fate playing with you. >.< LOL Haha :D

Well, I have recently also come from my school's overseas service learning trip to Cambodia and I have learnt a lot from this really unforgettable and really meaningful experience... so to mark my entire journey in OSL Cambodia'09 (Group 3 and LOGGERS!), please don't mind me going all the way down memory lane. Haha :D So sorry that the posts are not updated but still, it's important to me. So don't mind me when the next few posts seem to have no relevance to what is going on in my life now. But guess what? It actually does, at least to me, it will always stay relevant. :) Well, continue reading my next few posts if you want. :D Btw, they are totally unedited. Written in my own hand and style and whatever else that comes. Haha don't mind me if I seem a little too casual or something. haha :) This blog is also one of the journeys that I want to embark on so I want this to be something true to myself. Ok, I've said enough... if you want to see my whole OSL experience, feel free to read on. :D

White belt yellow-tip Grading

2009-10-05T00:06:00.002+08:00

Hi there. I thought I would just write once about my grading because it's important to me. Anyway, I felt I could have done better... I screwed up the last part. Before "forward command" for the basic kick test, there was supposed to be another "zero thrust" and I forgot all about it and was stunned there for a while!!! Oh well, not too optimistic about that double promotion I was hoping for but this time, I got more than I bargained for because I met many new friends and I learnt a bit of sparring, you know... extra and more advanced which made me feel useful. Oh and the taekwondo pledge again!! I believe I wrote it down before? Well, I can remember it... roughly but I guess that is not bad.

Ok.. well, when we were leaving Bukit Panjang CC on the bus, HC mum came to give her some bread and she was so touched she cried. So touching. Well, I hope my parents can do that for me too but I understand they are busy and already trying their best to accomodate and raise us four kids in the family. Hmm... it's a pity YT fell sick and got 7 days MC from the doctor.... she couldn't go for the grading and just when she managed to get a double promotion from yellow belt to green belt the other time. >.< Well, i would say I had fun too. On the way back to the CC, we were like telling all sorts of lame jokes and blah blah. Oh the MILLION bus company!!! Haha :D We came up with all sorts of weird reasons as to why it is called "million bus". 1) It is the millionth bus manufactured. 2) It is a bus that can hold up to a million people. 3) It is a bus that costs a million dollars. And I also made this remark that I would like a million dollars because there is "me" in it. Tree like a "treellion" dollars and the government, a billion dollars because of all the "bills" LOL XP. Anyway, instructor Ben made a remark that one of the girls in white belt failed!!!! I hope it's not me.... he added that the person did not say whether that girl is in white nine or white ten... well, he's known to pull our legs but I'm not sure.... what if he meant it at that time??...

Well, to sum it up...

Taekwondo Grading
White belt yellow-tip

Date: 4th October 2009 (Sunday)
Venue: Toa Payoh Sports Hall
Time: Left CC around 12.45pm and came back around 3.40pm

Well, nites for now till exams are over!!! Oh no, I did not manage to write this post on the actual day of the grading again... Sad, huh?

This is it...

2009-09-15T16:54:00.002+08:00

This is it... the last post... that is until after EOYs end. And to add to it all. I will also not play facebook or even sign in until I have finished all my exams 'cos I wanna study hard. :) Well, I have been sick (fever at 38.5 degrees) since Sat... My fever ended yesterday (Mon) but I still have a sore throat. Anyway, my Sept holidays were quite good. Did quite a lot of packing up and slacked a lot so I guess I have to start taking things seriously now. Also, after my fever and being sick for about 3 days (and counting...) I realized that there were so many things I wanted to do and could have done so if I were better so I just wanna say that this is it... for now. This is goodbye. Aloha!

Paradoxical wisdom

2009-08-31T22:22:00.002+08:00

Hi there. Just want to write something short. I was just watching a video created by RGS OSL Cambodia 2007, Michelle. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5yKl8JyKZOo&feature=fvw
And I want to quote from it... because it's meaningful :)

"The paradox of our time in history is that... we have more conveniences but less time; more knowledge, but less judgment; taller buildings but shorter tempers; more experts, yet more problems... We laugh too little, get too angry; read too little, watch TV too much; stay up too late, get up too tired... and pray too seldom. We've learned how to make a living... but not a life."

Hope this has been interesting! Be sure to watch the video because it is a featured video on Youtube! So cool right? :D

LIFE IS A BIG PARADOX

Saying goodbye

2009-08-28T23:25:00.001+08:00

Aloha!

Recently, I have been coming across quite a lot of things in life that has been about 'goodbyes'. I think it's sad to suddenly leave or have someone leave you. So many people have been in and out of my life, I hope I do not forget them. Of course, we have our Sec 4 seniors :), Mr Low (CATS'09 instructor) and Mr Lester Lee (Physics relief teacher - he taught me well). To the teachers, I'm so disappointed we didn't have the chance to celebrate teachers day with you... But Happy "Be-Early" Teachers' Day 2009!

Hmmm... So what triggered all this feelings? Well, I don't really know but I have been seeing some signs that has connected everything together. Just now, I watch finished Peter Pan 2: Return to Neverland... and the ending was so heart-wrenching. Well, I had a great childhood and I grew up with some Disney shows and characters (Aladdin!!!) so I guess there's that sense of attachment. The sad part was when Peter looked at the grown-up Wendy and said, "Wendy? You've changed." Change (macro-concept. Hehe) can be good or bad. I believe I have changed a lot since young... and it makes me think whether I have changed for the better... or for the worse...

Oh and I have also watched Leroy and Stitch quite a few times this month (they kept repeating?). The sad part here is when Stitch was about to leave Lilo. After a last hug, Lilo said that Stitch belonged out in space catching bad guys with the BRB (meaning: she could not hold him back even though she was sad to part with him). She then proceeded to take a picture of Stitch saying, "You're number 625 named Stitch."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FHic0dlBI5g&feature=related

Lilo: "Nani says aloha means hello and goodbye, but for us it usually means goodbye." So touching :)Yeah, I think that Lilo and Stitch shows are very thought-provoking. I like Lilo and Stitch 2: Stitch has a Glitch too! It had meaning. Oh and Aang lost Appa... NOOOO!!! If I'm him, I'd be very sad and will be undergoing a lot of emotional pain. I remember the time when my cat, Wisely, went missing. I was distraught and couldn't pull myself together for a while (thank goodness she came back... I prayed so hard...) That period of about 2 weeks was the longest 2 weeks I had ever had.

Well, I'm sure we all have to say goodbyes in our lives but we part only to meet again. :) Hope this has been interesting. Be sure to open your eyes and hearts. :)

Btw, today, it's Gerald's 11th birthday and I did my SS-cum-EL speech on greater reintegration of ex-convicts back into our society. Oh yeah and Be Yourself Day (BYD) 2009! Oh gtg sleep for Speech Day tomorrow.

Aloha!

The Truth

2009-08-21T22:43:00.001+08:00

Hey. My Philo teacher let us watch "The Matrix" today. I knew there was like this conflict between humans and AI but I never actually knew that the movie was about... well, you will know when you watch it... Anyway, it got me thinking... What is REAL? Is what we perceive to be real always the TRUTH? Then again, if there is a choice between knowing the truth and staying in dreamland, is ignorance really BLISS?

Oh no what's happening to me?! Hmmm... it was no doubt an impactful short snippet of the movie that our teacher showed us and I really enjoyed it. :D The truth... this brings me another thing I want to write about... Is what my friends perceive me to be the true me? In a way, they won't know what I'm always thinking about all the time and often, we wear different MASKS in the different things we do. They say that you are truly you when you are alone. Is it true? Then again they say that it is the people around you that allow you to become the best that you can be. So when are we our true selves? Ok I think I'm thinking too much... >.<

Anyway, I'm trying to learn to converse in Cantonese! So fun. Hehe XP Still have exams next week. Wish me luck!

Change

2009-08-14T23:58:00.002+08:00

Hi this is my 1st August entry. Yup so actually there has been quite a lot of changes that are happening around me.

I notice that leadership, or taking up a leadership position really changes a person. I see that now with my CCA chairs. It is a good change. In my personal opinion, I think they have each grown in their own ways - more mature and wiser than before. Is it the realisation that it is a duty you have to fulfil? That you are accountable to others? Is it that you know that there are always people rooting you and supporting you? Anyway, I wish them (JL and YX) the very best of luck in leading RGSSB. I have faith in you.

Well, for me, I feel that I have more self-confidence now and that I now know what it means when they say making mistakes is alright. Well, I think CL has had a great impact on me since she is not afraid to voice out and all and I think that as you grow, you naturally mature? Well, I mean I still act like a kid (hehe and not afraid to show it :D) But, I think that I am slowing losing myself in everything.... I don't want to happen to the extent I have no soul. I have been remembering birthdays well all the while, but recently, though I know that it is going to be someone's birthday 1 to 2 weeks before the actual day, within that time frame, I start to forget and don't realise the days have passed so fast until the person's birthday... this is really bad...

Well, change can be good or bad. Hopefully I stay rooted to my believes and values. No vulgar words, always putting others before self, being serious about the things I do, always staying cool even when I am stressed out, never blaming others for what I could and should have done myself.

Wow, the realisation of all this. I'll see what happens over the next few weeks. Thanks for reading to my woes and thanks to all who have always had trust in me.

Counting my blessings

2009-07-31T21:54:00.000+08:00

Hey! I finally have some time to blog about my life. Well, a lot of things have happened and I didn't know what exactly to write then I decided that hey, these are the blessings in my life! Thus... the title. Ok so this is what has happened...

- got promoted (sorry no double promotion) yellow tip for taekwondo last Sun 26 July :)
- results of band EXCO yesterday (section leader. Hehe I have the ultimate power. Fear me meow meows)
- knew results of SPSB apllication today (will be SPSL next year in Secccomm! :D)
- did research on Buddhism, Taoism, Hinduism, Confucianism (cool right? Very good teachings. Enlightenment)
- band practice officially started - I really enjoy the bus rides home with all the 190-ers.

Hmmm... of course so much more happened, just that I find it hard to put into words. But to count my blessings, I really appreciate the opportunities that people have given me in my life. And I also feel loved by my family and friends. :) Never thought I would end up having so many good friends in my current class. To these people out there, I am saying the truth when I say I never thought that a girl like me would be noticed by a girl like CL or WXY. For some, I guess a twist of fate has brought us closer... right RW?:D

Well, I had my CFS (consultation and feedback session) today and I have to learn to come out of my comfort zone and have more confidence. According to the Heads, I have the potential (?) but I come across as a quiet leader (?). In any case, there is a learning point there for me. Hmmm... is that how I'm really viewed by others...? Oh and to Ms Low, thanks for believing in me. Haha I'm really a responsible person even in class?! That comment must have come from her. >.<

Ok, I guess I have writen long enough... the result of not having time to blog about important things in my life. Anyway, keep counting your blessings as I count my own.

From www.quotegarden.com
He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has. ~Epictetus

We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures. ~Thornton Wilder

Hem your blessings with thankfulness so they don't unravel. ~Author Unknown

True paradox

2009-07-27T23:31:00.003+08:00

Hi. Thanks goes to RW for finding this picture of Aang. I like it 'cos it relates to the "theme" of of my blog and it's AVATAR!!! Hehe. Catch it from 7.30pm every Mon to Fri, only on OKTO *whistle* OKTO! Yup. so enjoy. I like this picture and all but I don't really agree with it 'cos Aang is a cool person. :D Courtesy of www.diy.despair.com

New look

2009-07-20T18:37:00.004+08:00

Hi there. As some of my friends would have known, I have cut my hair short! That was since yesterday. I went to cut my hair immediately after taekwondo. :D Yup, I was kinda apprehensive when I came to school today. >.< So I decided to try to come into the classroom quietly but this good friend of mine, CL I think, screamed, "SHELLEY!!" and moments later, others were also screaming. Yup and 2 of my CCA juniors (JN and E) were also amused by my new hairstyle during lunch today. Haha it's a brasses-and-percs-batch thing - they all have short hair! :D

Anyway, I'm glad that my friends were encouraging. I mean, this is a new look for me. The last time I had this hairstyle was like 9 to 10 years ago. Hehe QTY and ZMH said I look younger and sweeter now. :D There were many times I thought my hair looked weird and all and I kept messing with it but nevertheless, thanks to RWTS, CL, TSM, ES, QTY, ZMH, CXY, WXY, VT, ACT and many others, especially those with short hair. Yay! I've joined the club! (Btw, I encountered some problem with blogger so this entry is not the actual one. Fyi, I had to rewrite this post so those who may have seen the previous one, that still holds true! :D But I do hope this is the more improved version?)

Ooh and I had fun with soccer today. Well not exactly the real game but we kicked the ball around and had this made-up goal (in a sense). Yay! Looking forward to inter-class soccer! Let me be the goalie like Ben 10! Speaking of which, I want a Ben 10 fan 'cos I'm a Ben 10 fan! Yo CL, buy one for me soon then we can wave it in class!! :)

Crawl, stand, walk, run, fly, soar

2009-07-15T22:52:00.002+08:00

Today, I came across something really interesting from 3 of my friends. I mean it's a simple concept but yet so difficult to grasp sometimes. Crawl, stand, walk, run, fly, soar... you learn to fly before you soar and learn to run before you can fly. But even before then, you have to learn to stand on your own 2 feet and walk. And the basics come all from crawling. Just like a baby who is attempting to stand and walk, we may fall many times before we see results. I know that life is complicated and all but doesn't it amaze you that a toddler can be wiser than adults in some aspects? For one, they understand the fundamental concept that when you fall, all you have to do is to stand up again and keep trying until you succeed. Well, we were all once toddlers so we have that spirit inside us but it's just in conflict with what we define as success. Hmm... so I think that this really sums everything up:

From www.quotegarden.com
Supposing you have tried and failed again and again. You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call "failure" is not the falling down, but the staying down.
~Mary Pickford

Anyway, just to add a bit of my own nugget of wisdom, the difference between "fall" and "fail" is the letter "I". So you are the one who determines what it is to fall and to fail. Do you stand up again or do you just give up? Only you can decide. Well, this really struck me and to my 3 friends who got me thinking about this, I thank you guys for your wise words. (Haha even if it was a passing remark about Maths and Logs O.o)

He who would learn to fly one day must first learn to stand and walk and run and climb and dance; one cannot fly into flying.
~Friedrich Nietzsche

The difference between try and triumph is a little umph.
~Author Unknown

Shock shock horror horror shock shock horror

2009-07-14T18:44:00.003+08:00

I can't believe what happened today (and I don't wanna talk about it). Just faced another crossroad in my life and did not expect it. Anyway, if you are wondering, the title came from the song "Female of the Species" by Space. Haha yeah, I am a THE female of the Species!! :D

Well, the big lesson for today as in the wise words of Uncle Iroh, "You are not the man you used to be. You are stronger and wiser and freer than you ever used to be. And now you have come at the crossroads of the destiny. Its time for you to choose. Its time for you to choose good."

I think it's best for me to step down and let others lead. But in any case, I think I have gotten wiser... and freer? Well, I make my own choices now and I guess I am free in that aspect. :)

Oh and just to add on, I still wanna thank everyone who has been supporting me in one way or another. It's been great :)

Chemistry?!

2009-07-11T00:29:00.003+08:00

Hey this was what happened during Chem lesson on Wed (I think). Haha :D Using simple English words, it was to like demonstrate how the structure of the sentence can have different meanings and how they are correct grammatically, it is wrong theoretically. What Mrs Lim did was that she listed out the 6 possible sentences that can be formed by the words: sister, nose, only.
Here are the answers!

1) Only my sister has a nose
2) My only sister has a nose
3) My sister only has a nose
4) My sister has only a nose
5) My sister has an only nose
6) My sister has a nose only.

Haha. XP So which are the ones that are definitely out of the question? I think you can figure it out. Quite random right? But it had a huge impact on me. I was like, "Cool! I'm so gonna blog about this!" and a certain friend of mine (won't say who :P I think she knows who she is) was like, "Whatever." hehe XD Anyway, I'm so glad that the weekends are here. I seriously need to rest and be ready for the next week.

Taekwondo white belt grading

2009-07-06T11:03:00.002+08:00

Chareut (attention)
Kyung nae (bow)
Joon Bee (ready)

Hey. I feel so sad.... not because of my grading but of the fact that I wasn't able to immediately blog about it when I came back. Oh dear. I couldn't gain access to the computer and I have some many things to do... Anyway, I don't think I managed to get my double promotion 'cos our instructor came to us and said, "Aiyah you girls (4 of us in white belt) ah, must use more power in your pattern then maybe you guys can get a double promotion." Well, I think that was a really big hint but I guess I will just have to try harder. After all, this is our first time. :) I will strive harder!!! Btw, we will only know the results after 2 weeks. >.<

But I have to say that the grading exercise was a really great eye-opener. I saw the seniors doing their pattern and also sparring!! So cool and I guess that although I know the white belts better than the others, having interacted with them more, I guess I also know the seniors better than when I first started out. Well, we are all shy people so we don't really show it but yesterday on the bus ride home, I felt the warmth and friendship of the people around us. For one, the instructors know us better and talked to us. :) Second, while on the ride to Yio Chu Kang Sports Hall, we were kinda nervous so we didn't talk much. But after everything, we were glad that everything was over and we had fun on the bus. We have twins (boys) in the white belt group - Kai Ching & Kai Chong (I think) - and they palyed tricks on me and guess what?? The seniors joined them in the fun and I was the "victim". Hey! I was trying to sleep you know. :P Yup and there was this brown belt (18 years old) who started talking to Gui Lian (23 years old) and me. He said we looked like sisters... oh well and when I said I was 15, he seemed shocked. I think he thought I was older??!! O.o

Oh and I just realised that our instructors are the best 'cos they're all very nice. :D I mean the saw the instructors from the other CCs and I was like, Woah.. they're so strict. >.< So to remember the this very 1st grading of mine...

Event: White Belt Grading - 133th Grading
Date: 5th July 2009
Day: Sunday
Time: (Set off) 12.30pm, (reached BPCC) 3pm plus

Oh yeah, and we recited the taekwondo student's pledge:

We, the students of taekwondo, pledge that

We shall develop our characters, qualities and abilities to benefit society and ourselves.
We shall believe in ourselves and persist no matter how great the challenge to achieve our noble asipirations.
We shall respect and abide by the laws of Singapore and the rules and regulations of taekwondo.
We shall respect our elders, parents, instructors and seniors and remain humble and in control of ourselves at all times.

Chareut (attention)
Kyung nae (bow)

Mistakes

2009-07-05T00:07:00.002+08:00

Hey!

Today I went ice-skating (Kallang Ice World) for the first time ever in my life. I was excited and yet a little nervous but not totally 'cos I knew my sis would help me. But when we went to the rink, my fears got worse 'cos I saw so many pro people skating with the ease I knew I would never have. >.<

Haha so I fell many times but it seriously did not hurt at all and it was not embarrassing at all 'cos I wasn't the only one and hey, I was learning for the first time. :) Yup, so my butt got really really wet but that's not the point. I think that when you fall, you cannot possibly go any lower so the only way to go is up and so, you just have to stand up and try again. If they say that what goes up must come down, I'll say that what comes down can only go up again. Simple right? But it easier to say it than to do it sometimes.

Anyways, I kept falling but I eventually got the hang of it - though not quite when it comes to changing direction and stopping. So when I lose control, I end up banging into people (if they can't avoid me; most of the time they can >.<) or I try to stop to avoid banging into them, lose balance and fall down myself. What a day! :D Haha and apparently, the slightest notice of some pro skater just whizzing past me will make me lose balance. ??!! Talk about mind over matter. Hehe.

Yup, and recently, my friend told me about someone who was afraid to show her true ability 'cos she was afraid of making mistakes. Hey, you learn the most when you learn from your mistakes. I know it's tough but no one will be laughing at you. In fact, if you try, try and try again, others will respect you for your determination and perseverance. Believe me, I was once such a person... I still am sometimes but I'm trying hard and I think I have come a long way. :) In any case, making mistakes is nothing to be embarrassed about but rather a stepping stone to achieve greater things. So don't hesitate. Act now! :)

From www.quotegarden.com

The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one.
~Elbert Hubbard, The Note Book, 1927

While one person hesitates because he feels inferior, the other is busy making mistakes and becoming superior.
~Henry C. Link

A man should never be ashamed to own he has been in the wrong, which is but saying... that he is wiser today than he was yesterday.
~Alexander Pope, in Swift, Miscellanies

The man who makes no mistakes does not usually make anything.
~Edward Phelps

If you shut your door to all errors truth will be shut out.
~Rabindranath Tagore, Stray Birds, 1916

From the errors of others, a wise man corrects his own.
~Syrus

Just because you make mistakes doesn't mean you are one.
~Author Unknown

Fast forward

2009-07-02T21:20:00.002+08:00

Hey there! I realised that after the holidays and all, I have not been posting but well, now I am... just to let you all know that I'm still alive even though the 1st week of the school term has just barely started.

Yup, but this week has been flying by and know what? Haha with more organisation and all, I find myself actually accomplishing much more now than I used to... but it's still hard to say whether or not my old habits of major procrastination will come back. >.< Here's what life for me has been:

1. H1N1 measures and temperature-taking
2. School work - the usual
3. PTs (3 due in the same week)
4. Band (CCA) - still on-going
5. Band commander's test for footdrills
6. Band election
7. Proposals - PSB Outreach, PSL session, OSL banner printing
8. TAEKWONDO!! :)

Yup that pretty much sums it up. Somehow everything feels weird. While I feel that I've been doing quite a lot of things, at the same time, this is only the 4th day of school since the school holidays ended. It's as if my life has been on fast forward (hardly any time for a breather) and yet it has not, especially when I snap back to reality and realise that all this happened in a few days time...?? Well, I know all these can make one tired but I have decided to try and respond with wonderment and awe at everything so it becomes interesting and not like the usual boring stuff that is the norm. It works 'cos it helps me survive through the day. Of course, reminding yourself how long more there is till school ends is helpful as well but isn't the former a better way? Heehee. :) Okie dokie back to work. Will come back soon with more interesting snippets of my life. XD

Risks

2009-06-21T15:20:00.005+08:00

I just read finished a book and a certain quote caught my attention. But first, I wanna ask something... Are you willing to take risks in your life? Whether it is because you love someone or your friends and family or you want to still hold your head up high with dignity, taking risks will be something you wanna do willingly, right?

I mean, there are stories of people who dash into a burning house to save their loved ones... or brave warriors who would rather fight valiantly for their country with patriotism and pride than surrender in shame. These people are taking risks to protect the people and things they love. :D I can't help but think if I would be able to do such things. It is easy to say that you would (and could) but when the time comes, I'm not so sure if I'm that strong enough...

But even in our more economic-driven society today where aged parents are considered a burden and are sent to old folks home blah blah etc... there will always be an ordinary person with an extraordinary heart and an inspiring story to share once in a while and it is these experiences that continue to encourage others to act likewise, don't you think? :)

Well, I remember what my Geography teacher said last time after we watched a video about the poor children in Africa.... many people were tearing and some were disturbed... she said something along the lines that after watching that, we would feel great sorrow and sympathy but afterwards when we 'recover' from this shock/trauma and we do nothing about it, we end up with a heart that has hardened some more and is colder in a way... more numbed to such cruelty?? Well, that was 2 years ago... I'm not sure how to explain that feeling but I think that though I'm more aware of what the Africans face, I feel... exactly like what my Geog teacher has said we would.... and I want to change. How? I have no definite answer but I guess I can start with taking risks... appropriate risks in life. That's how heroes are born (boy I'm so obsessed with heroes :D) too, right?

Well, if y'all have been waiting, this is/are the quote(s)...

Human life is such that it is always beset by risks. Freedom risks its own abuse, thought risks error, whilst speech risks misunderstanding. Faith risks failures, and hope, despair. The risk of life is death. We can't avoid risk and never can.
Even if we have lost the battle, we would have gained victory within ourselves.

Colours

2009-06-20T00:55:00.010+08:00

What do you think of when you see the word 'colours'? Is it your favourite colour or something deeper? Well, some may see it as part of the saying that goes 'show your true colours', which may have negative connotation to it that one reveals his or her true character, especially if it is a flaw. But flaws are part of human nature and instead of seeing as such, why not see it more positively?

Okay so the main topic today is linked to what started of as a normal day in the living room watching television. Then I saw it. An ad that showcased heroes from movies (where I got inspiriation for the post "Heroes" as well).... the song that was playing was I Can Sing a Rainbow by Delta Goodrem.

Red and yellow and pink and green
Purple and orange and blue
I can sing a rainbow,
sing a rainbow,
sing a rainbow too.

Listen with your eyes,
Listen with your ears,
and sing everything you see,
I can sing a rainbow,
sing a rainbow,
sing along with me.

And this song made me think of another song... which is equally beautiful! :)
True Colours by Cyndi Lauper

But I see your true colours
Shining through
I see your true colours
That's why I love you
So don't be afraid to let them show
Your true colours
True colours are beautiful,
Like a rainbow

Haha so would you believe me that since there's a rainbow in both songs, I'm thinking of Rainbow Connection? (haha. rainbow in both songs - the connection between them) But I'm not gonna talk about it lest my post becomes too colourful. Yup, so I guess we just have to see the good in people and not just focus on their imperfections.

People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.
Love them anyway.

Anti-heroes

2009-06-20T00:29:00.004+08:00

Hi. This is like a continuation from where I left off the last post on 'Heroes'. Yup, so what and who are anti-heroes? Haha I don't know how to explain but maybe you can just wikipedia it or something. Yup, those who know that I didn't mention Ouyang Ke the other time would probably find it weird why I did not list him down... But then again, he wasn't really a hero or 男子汉. He was on the bad side but he wasn't all bad so I listed him as an anti-hero. :) Yup, so anti-heroes aren't all bad I guess. It's just that maybe what they do is not usually considered to be 'heroic'. So this is a dedication to all the anti-heroes in my life!

Ouyang Ke from Legend of the Condour Heroes
Captain Jack Sparrow from Pirates of the Caribbean

Well, maybe Darth Vader and Wolverine qualify but unfortunately, I don't admire them much. Yeah so here we go! There are others I'm sure but this is just my personal thought. :) Tell me what you think if you want.

Heroes

2009-06-20T00:05:00.009+08:00

Hi! This is all about heroes... and it is specially dedicated to the heroes in my life. They have supported me and helped me through all my problems and I'm really grateful for it. And since Father's Day is coming... you guessed right! My dad is one of my heores! And so is my mum. :) But if you didn't know, I also look up to these characters from shows.

Aang from Avatar
Sokka from Avatar
Ben from Ben 10
Spiderman
Cyclops

Well, this is all I can think of now but why them? I really admire their inner strength, patience, selflessness and most of all, they have internal conflicts, imperfections and they make mistakes that we can relate to. :) They teach us many meaningful lessons and though they may not be real, no doubt we can learn from them. Haha, just a pity that most don't go deep enough to understand...

Now, let me take this chance to wish all fathers and of course, my own father, a very Happy Father's Day! Hope you have a great day! And to end off by quoting from one of my favourite songs.... 'just wait, though while he may roam.... always, a hero comes home' (A Hero comes Home - Idina Menzel)

Find the heroes in your life. They may be ordinary people but they have extraordinary spirit.

RGSSB Birthday Celebration

2009-06-19T23:36:00.006+08:00

Hey. Just came back. :) The day was fun and I bonded with all my section 'meow meows'. :) Haha we cooked chicken wings which turned alright I guess. Yup, I really feel less restricted today, especially with my SBM :) You know, today she offered me a drink from the same cup (we both weren't saliva-conscious), which is rare for me, which also means we're bonding more. Hehe and I realised that she's talking to me more (yay!). Oh but what makes it all the more significant is that for once, I immediately accepted that offer without hesitation which is like I don't mind either. We have this close-yet-not-close relationship. It's not that we know about each other a lot or something or will confide in one another but it's just comfortable now being with each other. :)

Oh and well, I guess the day would not have been as fun without the help of SLWWs. Thank you for organising the event and making sure everything runs smoothly. Thanks to all the sections for cooking up the potluck dinner which was good (really!) and thanks to my 'meow meows' for the wonderful memories we had. Thanks to Kai'en for sacrificing her house (in her words), thanks to Wanyi for being a helpful mum-like cook, thanks to Jamie (haha James) for the laughs, thanks to Qianyi for laughing at my lame jokes (garlic scare vampires; pepper scare chikopehs), thanks to Le Win for her contagious laugh (I swear she and James conspired to make me have stitches from laughing) and finally, thanks to Ee Iyn for being able to make it after all. :)

Oh and we met 2 of our directs! Weiqi and Kai Chi. I waved to them frantically... I think they saw me 'cos they stopped and squinted to get a better look at us but we were in a car and we drove off... Haha but I hope they at least knew it was us! :) Yup, so I'd like to end off all this with one thing... HAPPY 44TH BIRTHDAY RGSSB! XD

Kickstart!

2009-06-14T22:20:00.002+08:00

Hey! I hope my blog can finally be known after some months of so-called behind-the-scenes prep. Haha I'm just not tech-savvy enough... >.< Yups, but I will try to upgrade and learn through the process. :) Yay! I got my first official link with Bingrui! Thanks for linking! Hope you enjoy what I post but they may be personal. Don't take it to heart as none of them are aimed at any specific person. It's just my thought at a certain point in time but I try to make it objective. :) Hope it's insightful (??) Yup, will be uploading songs I like and pictures of OYK - better get used to this abbreviation (which stands for Ouyang Ke) - and other fave stuff soon. Until then, keep loving those around you and enjoy the rest of the holidays!

ME

2009-06-06T23:33:00.002+08:00

Yup, so what happened in the bathroom?? Haha. I blowed bubbles for the first time in years! (haha I must getting overly-stressed to resort to that!) This set me thinking... life has just constantly been on fast forward I never really got to sit down, relax and do something so silly. You know, "me" time.

So is this is serious sign that I have changed? Yes, in both good and bad ways. But this post, fortunately or unfortunately (you decide), is about my bad points. I don't know but I get the feeling that I'm holding back too much; I'm not the best I know I can be... whether it's my CCA or anything.... it's so weird, like I feel I have people watching me and expecting things of me. So what now? It's not a bad thing trying to complete things and reaching people's expectations and all but what happens when there's too much to handle and no one's really there for you? Do you just fall and cry? When do you know you have to let go?

A butterfly is supposed to be free, to be able to fly... if you clutch it too tightly in your hands, you will just end up crushing its wings and never giving it the chance to fly again and be free. Is that what I'm doing to myself? I can't help but question... in any case, I know that I will end up hurting myself and more importantly, those around me if I keep going on this way. I just need to know when my threshold is and when ME (am-ee) will become MT (empty), without love and compassion and a soul... Change is what I need. Anyone not happy about that, I'm sorry but this has to be done. But I promise to become a better person at the end of it all.

All grown up ?

2009-06-06T23:21:00.003+08:00

You know... this sudden thought suddenly came to mind today. How have I changed? Of course, there's the question of "Who am I?" but I suppose I would know myself best. What I'm concerned about is whether I am still who I think I am. I just feel that it is not. Why? Ok, I know life is complicated, there will be misunderstandings and all and we are always bogged down by work. Reality is cruel.... sometimes.

I still remember the times when everything used to so simple and just plain fun. No one cared about where you came from or what your religion is - we were still the same deep down. Haha and can you imagine this thought came to me when I was watching an ad about Barney on OKTO. That's the thing... most people think that they are too mature for such childish shows but don't they remember how they too used to watch such shows? That was the time when we were innocent but we grew up and we found out that there much more than meets the eye for many things in life. Backstabbers, lies, misunderstandings etc. Why?

Anyway, I think that I have been losing myself, especially recently and I thought about this when my auntie told me not be stressed about such stuff (necessary yet unnecessary....) and told me to take a shower. Ahh just like the good old days... it's very calming. (thank goodness it's the holidays so I can take some time off). Yup, so there I was in the bathroom and I suddenly thought of something. But I guess this post is too long so... so long till the next time! :)

Food comm journey

2009-06-06T23:11:00.001+08:00

Recently, a group of 3 of us have been deployed to be in food comm - I was the advisor. It was a good experience. The 2 sec 2s I was working with were very efficient and I think they really deserve a pat on the back. Unfortunately, their efforts are not recognised by everybody and that made me think. Why is it that those in games comm get the recognition for their efforts and even have chocolates and all? I'm not saying they don't deserve it. I think they did a very good job indeed but why the disparity when ultimately, it's because everyone worked together so well that everything could go on so smoothly? Anyway, here are snippets of the email I wrote to them. I think it sums up what I'm thinking very nicely.

I felt that this "thanks" is really well-deserved and important as well. Often, being behind the scenes, people are not aware of what goes on. As long there is food on thetable for them, they just take it... and being in food comm, you realise that what you guys had to do was well, expected...since so, people often take the food that appears before them for granted.
Hehe, no matter what food you order, people will always have something to say about it but that's just human nature, right? Haha.

Footprint

2009-06-01T22:16:00.000+08:00

Hey there! When one mentions the word "footprint", what comes to mind? I guess different people will have different interpretations but recently, I have been seeing this word almost every where and that is "carbon footprint". What is it and why is it important? Ok, this is not a science lesson but basically it is a measure of greenhouse gas emissions caused directly or indirectly by an individual on many different levels. Easy to understand? Well, moving on, I saw this somewhere (not sure where... newspaper?)... it's about a carbon footprint calculator in Singapore. If you like to calculate your carbon footprint, go to this website: http://www.mycarbonfootprint.sg/. If you don't know how to start going about contributing positively, the first thing you should do is to find out how you are contributing negatively. Hmm... I don't think that came out right. No offence meant to anybody but I hope you get my meaning. Remember, no contribution is too small so don't ever think you cannot make a difference. All you have to do is start now. This will definitely be better than doing nothing at all. Okay, I haven't calculated my carbon footprint yet... but I will do so soon. :)

Identity

2009-05-31T00:47:00.000+08:00

I remembered something important we did one lesson during Career Education and that was to draw a simple pictogram that represents you. I drew a sword and a fan since I like quite a lot of things that are chinese-matial-arts-ish (if such a word exists. Haha.) in nature, especially Ouyang Ke (歐陽克) from the Legend of the Condor Heroes 2008 (射雕英雄传2008) and Sokka from "Avatar The Legend of Aang". Haha. :) Anyway, later on, we had this activity whereby our teacher would flash everybody's pictograms and ask the class to guess who drew them... I was surprised that people could guess mine. I mean, it obviously was a fan and a sword but then again, I was the first person to come to mind... I guess I have fan-girled quite a lot so anybody who did not get it was *ahem* No offence! >.< So I am glad to all those people who guessed correctly! :) But what made me think was the last thing our teacher said. She said that our lives revolve around school work and commitments and sometimes, we may forget what is important in our lives. That is where our pictogram comes in. Since it represents you, it is part of your identity and is something important to you... Of course, I can't imagine life without my fave characters and all, but still... Long live 歐陽克, Sokka and Ben (from Ben 10)!! You are my loves! :)

One word

2009-05-31T00:39:00.000+08:00

If you could use one word/ phrase to describe how you feel about your PSB journey thus far, what would it be and why?

Waves. Well, this can pretty much sum up PSB’s “Riding the waves with you” and creating the ripple effect. The ocean is never still and is always undulating with waves… Waves also have crests and troughs and I feel that they also help to represent the ups and downs I have faced so far. Of course, things are not always smooth-sailing and we can expect rough seas sometimes. I would also say that the topic on waves also brings to mind the macro-concept of change and that’s what life is like. Ever-changing and unpredictable but that is what has made my journey in PSB so interesting and full of surprises.

This is one part that is extracted from my reflections... Cheesy it may sound, I hope it inspires. All this came very spontaneously and naturally... as if I always knew this from the start or at least during my journey in PSB. Anyway, I just wanted to remind myself of what I have written which I personally feel is meaningful. When you see this again, hope you have not forgotten all the important things in life.

Awareness

2009-05-31T00:21:00.000+08:00

Hi. Today, I witnessed a lot of irresponsible consumerism - both from the public and me as well. >.< We went out as a family to the NTUC Mayday I think... well, there was the Milo van that was giving out free cups of Milo and well, we went to get some. Hmm... and after that, we just threw the paper cups away. I somehow felt that something better could have been done like maybe a recycling bin provided? Sighs...

After everything, we also went to the Singapore Food Fair and that was sort of worse... there was rubbish everywhere and after trying all the foods and drinks, everyone (including me) just threw alll the small little paper/plastic cups into the bins and boy, were there a lot of bins. Once, again, recycling bins! I don't think it's a very difficult thing to obtain and if given the chance, I'm sure people will respond positively to that idea. I mean, haven't we all been talking about protecting the environment and what we can all do to contribute? Well, this is something small any individual can do that will have a larger impact. (What am I saying? I'm guilty of all that too!!) Oh and I saw so many large bins being pushed here and there. Imagine all the waste that must have accumulated throughout the day or even the whole event... And last but not least... why is shark's fin still being sold? We should try to reduce the number of sharks we are killing in the process... Once again, sighs... the important thing here is a mindset change which could take maybe a few generations but I'm afraid we can't afford that kind of time anymore...

This reminds me of "The Day after Tomorrow" which we watched in class during Geog lessons. Very thought-provoking but not sure how true it is... Of course, there will be some element of truth in it but why are people still not taking actions?? Hmm... well, I'm not sure how to start as well but having the awareness is not enough. We must take actions!! If you want, at the very least, make use of Blackle (www.blackle.com), a search engine that saves energy.

Sorry

2009-05-29T00:28:00.000+08:00

What does it mean to be truly sorry? Just today, my friend questioned the very truth of this. She said that people do not always mean what they say, especially if they are saying sorry to someone else because they will always repeat the same mistakes again. Of course, she was referring to me. I will not say what I did wrong (well, I seriously don't really know) but that kept me thinking... But I believe that they are times when people are truly sorry - you just have to listen to them and look at them and you know.

Well, what happened was that this friend of mine was waiting for me to go home with her as we always did but today, she just left and when I finally caught up with her at the bus-stop, she sort of flared up saying that in the future, she will only wait 5 minutes before leaving. Okay, I understand her point but I don't understand why. I have waited for her for longer than half an hour before... why does she find it so painful to wait for me? Are friends supposed to be like this? Maybe I don't understand her circumstance from her POV but I'm trying to. Considering that today is the last day of the school term, there is no reason to rush home that early compared to exam periods.

Another important thing is whether she understands me from my POV. I doubt so... But it's better to forgive than to harbour any hatred or anger. Besides, this is a lesson for the both of us. I will try to do things faster in future while I hope she sees that getting angry for a minor thing does her no good and only causes people to shun away from her.