Made of Stronger Stuff

Am I made of stronger stuff than I actually believe myself to be? I'm not too sure. I totally cried my heart out. Stress. Pressure. Life. I know I shouldn't feel this way but I usually try to stay optismistic and just move on with my life... I think there has been some strange cumulative force acting on me...

Well, people usually don't realise the amount of courage to face each day like it's truly a brand new day. It's not easy and problems from the previous days or even months and years are often carried forward. It takes even more to live through the day... it's a pity people commit suicides. Mostly, it is because they do not receive support and they are shamed (oh man philo...) but I also believe it is because they can no longer find the courage to wake up to a new day with a brand new set of problems and all. It is also a sad thing that only when we realise what we have lost or there's this phase of sadness or pain we go through that we realise what is truly important to us. Now, to the point...

I lost and I have lost it. Math 2 was horrible and may this serve as a reminder of what was and what can be. I failed. I let myself down. I let my family down. (F.A.I.L - Fail And Improve Later) But I want to improve.

Anyways, I had a good talk with my mum and my sis and I really appreciate it. Seems like the root of the problem of my tears was that I'm uncertain of what lies ahead next year, when we go to a new school, a new environment, when we have to meet new friends. And why do I feel so insecure? I feel intimidated. lousy. pessimistic. but I'm better now and I'm thankful for the support of my family which some of my classmates do not experience. I can say "in your face" but I'm not mean, neither am I bitter. I'm thankful and grateful and I hope the same for my friends who do not have what I enjoy (which I unfortunately, sometimes take for granted)

I'm also starting to wonder if my fangirling has anything to do with me shaping my own identity because I was not like this before. And if you realise, my fave people are... hmm, let's just say I have weird tastes. So yeah... I'm not the smart one or the sporty one... so I came up with the I-am-the-fangirl-with-weird-taste thing? Or is it just like me growing up with normal typical teen hormones? LOL ok ok... whatever it is, I still love all my fave people! :) :) :)

So am I truly made of stronger stuff? Can I be as strong as my sister? As resilient as her? I hope so. She has just become my new role model. :)